What to do about my therapist?

[G]

So I've been wondering what to do in regards to my therapist. I've been seeing her since May but from the beginning I could tell we didn't really "click" I don't feel comfortable with her. She never really talks about what's going on with me, mainly what is going on in her life and her husbands. She acted like she wanted to help me get on T but she kept putting it off. I'm now on T but no thanks to her. She also gave me ridiculous requirements to write my T letter and still never did, even after I did what she said to do. So now I don't know what to do..

Do I keep seeing her? Do I just look for a new therapist? I still owe her some money and I'm going to pay that but I'm not sure I want to give her another $40 just to hear about her life. But I'm tired of therapist "shopping" I'm thinking in regards to the future.. when I'm wanting a letter for top surgery. I'm afraid she will play the same game she did with the T letter. I want a therapist I can go see on a need to basis and won't play these games. I don't need to go monthly, just when I feel I need it. Honestly, I feel better without therapy but it's needed for letters and such. 

[Lexicon]

So I've been wondering what to do in regards to my therapist. I've been seeing her since May but from the beginning I could tell we didn't really "click" I don't feel comfortable with her. She never really talks about what's going on with me, mainly what is going on in her life and her husbands. She acted like she wanted to help me get on T but she kept putting it off. I'm now on T but no thanks to her. She also gave me ridiculous requirements to write my T letter and still never did, even after I did what she said to do. So now I don't know what to do..

Do I keep seeing her? Do I just look for a new therapist? I still owe her some money and I'm going to pay that but I'm not sure I want to give her another $40 just to hear about her life. But I'm tired of therapist "shopping" I'm thinking in regards to the future.. when I'm wanting a letter for top surgery. I'm afraid she will play the same game she did with the T letter. I want a therapist I can go see on a need to basis and won't play these games. I don't need to go monthly, just when I feel I need it. Honestly, I feel better without therapy but it's needed for letters and such. 

Sounds to me like you'd be better off with someone else.

Not sure where you live but if you have an LGBT center around they can usually hook you up with therapists that are more experienced.  I'm not a therapist but I'm pretty sure rule #1 is not talking about your life to your patient outside of basic conversation.  I understand the tired of therapist shopping thing but things don't change unless you make a change. 

Sorry you're in that situation, homie -- you deserve better.

[Chaos]

So I've been wondering what to do in regards to my therapist. I've been seeing her since May but from the beginning I could tell we didn't really "click" I don't feel comfortable with her. She never really talks about what's going on with me, mainly what is going on in her life and her husbands. She acted like she wanted to help me get on T but she kept putting it off. I'm now on T but no thanks to her. She also gave me ridiculous requirements to write my T letter and still never did, even after I did what she said to do. So now I don't know what to do..

Do I keep seeing her? Do I just look for a new therapist? I still owe her some money and I'm going to pay that but I'm not sure I want to give her another $40 just to hear about her life. But I'm tired of therapist "shopping" I'm thinking in regards to the future.. when I'm wanting a letter for top surgery. I'm afraid she will play the same game she did with the T letter. I want a therapist I can go see on a need to basis and won't play these games. I don't need to go monthly, just when I feel I need it. Honestly, I feel better without therapy but it's needed for letters and such. 

The first red flag should have been her talking about her self and life but not addressing yours.The therapy is to help YOU and not her.That being said,i agree that on that alone,you need to find someone else.I personally wouldnt even pay whats owed to her in regards to her lack of being professional but thats up to you.She could rightly be reported to her superiors on her behavior.I went to my GP who refer'ed me to a Endo about HRT.as far as surgery and such,there are some good ones online who will skype and cam with you,your sessions and even mail you the letters.But i agree,shop around

[Robin Mack]

Yep, yep... definitely need a new one.  My GT told me that she only needed to see me once a month after the initial getting-to-know-you appointment, unless I felt I needed more.  Right now I'm going every three weeks.  Mainly she wants to see me at least once a month until I get my letter for HRT, then as needed.

The reason for the three months up front is due to the WPATH standards of care.  Since you have been in counseling for some time already, your next therapist may write a letter more swiftly.  I hope you are not self-medicating, but just in case, letting your next therapist know about it may cause her/him to step up the letter writing process to make certain you are administering safely under medical guidance.

*hug*

[Jill F]

If your therapist isn't helping, you need to drop her yesterday.  Life's too short to have your life held up by a bad therapist.  I was fortunate to have one that specializes in gender issues, but I have friends who have essentially had their lives held hostage while their therapist did nothing but shake them down week after week and hold the letter out as if it were a carrot on a stick with a fat price tag on it.  My therapist also did not charge me extra for writing the hormone letter.  Some therapists see trans clients as nothing but cash cows, and will take full advantage.

[G]

Sounds to me like you'd be better off with someone else.

Not sure where you live but if you have an LGBT center around they can usually hook you up with therapists that are more experienced.  I'm not a therapist but I'm pretty sure rule #1 is not talking about your life to your patient outside of basic conversation.  I understand the tired of therapist shopping thing but things don't change unless you make a change. 

Sorry you're in that situation, homie -- you deserve better.

Thanks man. I will just keep looking. I used to see a therapist who specializes in this but she is so damn expensive but one of the only therapists I kind of liked.

[G]

The first red flag should have been her talking about her self and life but not addressing yours.The therapy is to help YOU and not her.That being said,i agree that on that alone,you need to find someone else.I personally wouldnt even pay whats owed to her in regards to her lack of being professional but thats up to you.She could rightly be reported to her superiors on her behavior.I went to my GP who refer'ed me to a Endo about HRT.as far as surgery and such,there are some good ones online who will skype and cam with you,your sessions and even mail you the letters.But i agree,shop around

I thought the same but I was just so excited she said she would write my letter I ignored it.. I wouldn't pay her but can't that go against my credit and whatnot?
I looked into the online therapists, not sure how I feel about that but will look again. It's worth a try.

[G]

Yep, yep... definitely need a new one.  My GT told me that she only needed to see me once a month after the initial getting-to-know-you appointment, unless I felt I needed more.  Right now I'm going every three weeks.  Mainly she wants to see me at least once a month until I get my letter for HRT, then as needed.

The reason for the three months up front is due to the WPATH standards of care.  Since you have been in counseling for some time already, your next therapist may write a letter more swiftly.  I hope you are not self-medicating, but just in case, letting your next therapist know about it may cause her/him to step up the letter writing process to make certain you are administering safely under medical guidance.

*hug*

I was aware of the 3 months.. I thought maybe since she was my 3rd therapist she would actually stick to the 3 months but no.
I'm not self medicating, I found an awesome Endo who listened to me and actually wants to help me. He really is a great guy.

Thanks for your reply And good luck with your letter! I'm glad you found a good therapist.

[G]

If your therapist isn't helping, you need to drop her yesterday.  Life's too short to have your life held up by a bad therapist.  I was fortunate to have one that specializes in gender issues, but I have friends who have essentially had their lives held hostage while their therapist did nothing but shake them down week after week and hold the letter out as if it were a carrot on a stick with a fat price tag on it.  My therapist also did not charge me extra for writing the hormone letter.  Some therapists see trans clients as nothing but cash cows, and will take full advantage.

I 100% agree with this. There are good ones out there but they are hard to find or are so expensive.


Also sorry for so many posts. I can't find the multi quote button?

[Bimmer Guy]

I thought the same but I was just so excited she said she would write my letter I ignored it.. I wouldn't pay her but can't that go against my credit and whatnot?
I looked into the online therapists, not sure how I feel about that but will look again. It's worth a try.

Yes, if she sent you to a collections agency.  Personally, I would pay it, as you were provided with a service.  If you don't like the service a person gave you, than don't go again, but I feel an obligation for any service I have received (if I agreed to pay for said service).

As others said, look for someone else.  Or, don't go to anyone until you plan to go for top surgery.  It sounds like your purpose in going in the first place was to get T and now you are getting it.

[Chaos]

I thought the same but I was just so excited she said she would write my letter I ignored it.. I wouldn't pay her but can't that go against my credit and whatnot?
I looked into the online therapists, not sure how I feel about that but will look again. It's worth a try.

Yes thats a big possibility.But thats why i said personally because i could give two **** about my credit lmfao but i can see where your coming from and it would be best you did.As someone else said,do what you need to then move on

[Kreuzfidel]

I just want to mention that it seems like a lot of people, especially in the US, fall into this trap of believing that they "have to" see someone who specialises in trans* issues.  Well, that's not true.  Any therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist can help you without being an "expert" in trans* issues.  Although I'm in Australia, there was something of that kind of mentality here - to the point that all FTMs were too afraid to seek help outside of the Gender Clinic in my state.  Well, I found a competent professional who has helped me, evaluated me extensively and I didn't have to wait 8 months on a waiting list to see the "gender specialist". 

Shop around, but don't look for "only" trans* specialists. 

[aleon515]

I am all for people advocating for themselves. Bad therapy isn't better than no therapy. I don't think you'd have to see someone who is a gender therapist. But they definitely need to be open to this. Otherwise you can get someone who interprets your gender issues with bad parenting, trauma, or whatever else.

--Jay

[G]

G,
No advice...but in the same boat, as I've mentioned via PM. I've been in therapy for 2 years with a GID specialist who is MTF... she didn't give me ridiculous requirements for the T letter, but she just never wrote it. She initially offered but months later, I'm still waiting. She keeps on coming up with bogus excuses and honestly, its downright disrespectful.  Next week I have an appointment with her, it will probably be my last appointment if she can't write the letter at this point. Seems like moving on is the group consensus. Life is too short to be wasting time in therapy that isn't beneficial. There are other fish in the sea, hopefully you'll be able to find the right fit!

Not to mention all the wasted money. You are right man! Hopefully we both find a good one, and anyone else who is also going through this bs.