Ok, Kiwi I understand that. I would not want to present things openly that do not fit my gender and I think it would cause me discomfort, though I guess to get over that discomfort is also a valid method to be happier. Instead of constantly worrying about these bits. One can get a bit neurotic aboout it. I tend to hand-comb my bangs all the time because I just dont want my "corners" and temples to show. If I could develop a "I dont care" attitude, I would probably be less affected my such things.
Carrying myself like any woman does, that is really good and I think I would like that. I sometimes feel like I am not able to do it always or in some cases not "allowed", which I know is nonsense, but still the feeling exists and has to be overcome. I am not that feminine though - maybe I dont allow myself to be, maybe I just am not. IDK.
Voice is a thing that really bothers me. I got it right for some time I think but lost it and I think it makes a huge dent in how others and I myself see me. The circle I am in seems to be that I feel like I am not really feminine because of my body, so I feel like I cannot use a feminine voice which in turn gives me the overall impression that my presentation is not feminine which... etc. Some thing has to change - either my mental state (if that is the problem in my self perception), my body (mostly face) or my voice and maybe the rest will be affected by that as well. Usually I would say that changing the mind is best as it does not need surgery, but IDK if that works and if it really is enough to compensat ein the other departments.
I totally get the longing to have a voice like Jenny has. I heard her first post op recordings as the first example of that procedure and I literally cried because she sounded so good. To just have such a voice would be really the greatest thing. But I also know that I will never have that, so I try not to be too excited about it, still it nags at me. Your experience sort of dampened that excitement, but I try not to look at the "surrounding" experience as much as to focus if they got done properly what was the main goal - that you get the voice you deserve to have! Be sure to check back here and tell us how it goes on from here. Did you have troubles in the first 1-2 weeks? Could you keep your voice rested despite the trouble you had?
btw can someone explain to me what is up with that botox injection against vocal tremours. Is that like your vocal chord just twitches by itself and has to be calmed so the voice can heal better?
