Getting It Off My Chest Steps at a Time

[Sally21012]

At a school event held at a DQ, I was told to, "hurry up, homo," and no one stood up for me! Not the person behind the counter or people around! The place was packed! Half the people heard it!
Then the other day, I was called a, "->-bleeped-<-" and a bunch of people around said ew with faces of disgust!
Many students are hurtful to me when I wear hair accessories, but when straight guys wear them, heaven forbid anyone from being rude to them! I am the only one shamed for it!

[Sally21012]

Oh, okay, sorry about that, I am still learning about this website. I am in high school and believe I have gender dysphoria. Issues started early in preschool. Kids would refuse to play with me. All the boys would be playing Power Rangers and I would be playing Sailor Moon.

Then elementary came around starting in kindergarten. We all filled out small forms. One question was are you a boy or a girl. I got so frustrated with this question and choose girl and erased and checked it several times, and then a teacher talked with me and I put boy. Then all throughout school (no one knew about the form thing), people would always ask if I was a girl. At some point, I just got sick of it and confirmed that I was indeed a girl. I have been groped many times during this period.

Middle school happened next. Telling some people I was a girl was a problem because at some point, we had PE and I had to change in front of them. I always went in the stall and some boys would try to peek. Some boys called me out on it and asked why I was changing with them because I was a girl. I did not know what to do being flustered and angered and said I was a boy. Boys would also not want to participate in class with me Sex Ed was not any better. I got teased a lot in there too. Harrassment ment grew from the occasional verbal assualt to physically threatening. I remember being pushed into a crowd a people and got felt up by a guy twice my size. I have been cornered too and have almost been raped or assualted. I tried standing up and speaking out but the principal never did anything and only talked with my abusers and told me to file some forms.

Lastly and currently, high school. PE and Health were once again problems. People would watch my dress out and some people would try to take pictures of me. I believe most of them were immediately deleted because I told the coach. I also got robbed a few times in the lockerroom because people would go through my things and bag. Someone stole my dream journal, clothes, and most of my cash. In health, I was constantly harrassed because I was top in that class and the teacher would always use me and my work as examples. Some people in that class would also ask me how much money it would take for me to whore my self out. A lot of this could have happened because of my ex. He would always show me off and made me uncomfortable. He was a very open person.

Most of it stopped sophmore year, but it is slowly building back up and a lot of the stuff above happens and there are rumors spreading around about me. I am probably one of the most looked down upon LGTB person at my school. I no longer carewhat gender people wish to refer me as.

[Ltl89]

As Joules said, are your parents and school supervisors aware of the extent of the problem?   If not, please speak up and share what's going on.  I was bullied and harassed yet I never spoke up.  It's something I regret because it could have spared me years of pain.  Please remember it can get better.  I used to feel things would never improve when I was in high school, but they did.  It can for you as well. 

[Sally21012]

Oh boy, I wish I was still bold! I was that loudmouth kid who would get fed up and took no crap from anyone! No I am almost as quiet as a mouth and passive, trying to just get through the day. I have some support. I just try to surround myself with friends and avoid confrontation. I have several LGTB friends who I can confide some things in. I have only told some of my problems and challenges that I face.

My mom has found out about a lot of things, but I do not really talk about it with my parents. My mom means well and always tries to comfort me, bug my sister told me that she talked to her and that our mom does not really know what to do. Plus i do not like having to worry her. She has had a tough time with her life as well. Recently I have found out she was sexually assualted along with many of her coworkers. She has had issues with my dad, her second husband (ex-best friend's dad), and occasional fight with her third husband. The had a baby about eight months ago and planning on having another. Money is tight and she has a lot on her plate. Her current husband is kind, but he travels a lot.

I try very hard not go talk to my dad about anything at all. I am not someone known to hold grudges for very long, even if I do not show it, but he has hurtly me deeply in the past and so has his wife. His side of the family too. I have one cousin on his side of the family that I would say that I am close too. They are all Mormons, and I am saying that not all Mormons are this way, but many of them are facists. They cannot go a day without saying some sort of slander. Three of them on his side I think know I am homosexual. I also recently found out that that my uncle is a church head.

Many times I think about changing my surname because of how badly I have been hurt. My mom told me that my dad once told her not to buy me a kitchen play set because it would "turn me gay" and he used to be a cook.

There is a GSA at my school, but I try to avoid many of the people in it because I do not like how some of them conduct themselves.

Many female teachers at my schools have supported me and helped me get through. I have had several LGBT teachers as well.

[Ltl89]

Oh boy, I wish I was still bold! I was that loudmouth kid who would get fed up and took no crap from anyone! No I am almost as quiet as a mouth and passive, trying to just get through the day. I have some support. I just try to surround myself with friends and avoid confrontation. I have several LGTB friends who I can confide some things in. I have only told some of my problems and challenges that I face.

My mom has found out about a lot of things, but I do not really talk about it with my parents. My mom means well and always tries to comfort me, bug my sister told me that she talked to her and that our mom does not really know what to do. Plus i do not like having to worry her. She has had a tough time with her life as well. Recently I have found out she was sexually assualted along with many of her coworkers. She has had issues with my dad, her second husband (ex-best friend's dad), and occasional fight with her third husband. The had a baby about eight months ago and planning on having another. Money is tight and she has a lot on her plate. Her current husband is kind, but he travels a lot.

I try very hard not go talk to my dad about anything at all. I am not someone known to hold grudges for very long, even if I do not show it, but he has hurtly me deeply in the past and so has his wife. His side of the family too. I have one cousin on his side of the family that I would say that I am close too. They are all Mormons, and I am saying that not all Mormons are this way, but many of them are facists. They cannot go a day without saying some sort of slander. Three of them on his side I think know I am homosexual. I also recently found out that that my uncle is a church head.

Many times I think about changing my surname because of how badly I have been hurt. My mom told me that my dad once told her not to buy me a kitchen play set because it would "turn me gay" and he used to be a cook.

There is a GSA at my school, but I try to avoid many of the people in it because I do not like how some of them conduct themselves.

Many female teachers at my schools have supported me and helped me get through. I have had several LGBT teachers as well.

I don't have any great solutions, but I would bring it up with your mother.  Tell her how you feel and what's troubling you.  At the very least, maybe she can get you transferred to a different school or she can address the problem with the school itself. 

[Sally21012]

Well, I guess I do occassionally talk with her about things, but she does not want me to switch schools. Almost halfway through junior year, she does not want me to transfer in the middle of the year to go to a new school and have no friends. I live in Arizona, and even though my school is not the greatest, it is probably one of the better ones. My school may have drug busts and many arrests each year, but not as many as others. It is ranked 9th and it is in the wealthier side of the state/city, even if my family is not. Arizona is one of the worsts places to get an education and I remember reading somewhere that in the city I live in you are more likely to get raped then in many others in the country. You hear more negative news at other schools.

It may happen though. My stepdad might transfer to another state up north and we would have to move with him.

[Sally21012]

GSA is a gay straight alliance. I believe there is a GTBL (gay trans bi les) club at my school, but no one really goes, so it might get disbanded. Not all of their actions are bad, but I have declined some of there offers to go out, so I would find it weird to hang out with them everyday. I have also almost been forced to join an LGTB group by my dad were parents go withtheir kids to talk about how the feel about everything.

I am not good with large crowds of people I do not know either. I get to nervous. Plus I am a very jumpy and easily startled person, having to be on guard a lot. I have cried many times at assemblies because of a lot of people or being scared by loud noises and flashing lights. Many times I have no friends who attend the assemblies the same times I do or they sit on the other side of the gymnasium and I am not allowed to sit with them because they are in another grade.

I no longer wish to be a chef, but a nurse. My school offers a nursing class and is coming up with many more skills classes.

[Sally21012]

I feel as though I am going to be posting a lot in this section of the forum a lot, and believe since this is where I am allowed to vent and get things off my chest, I will limit it only to this thread.

I got to thinking again about my childhood as I was opening up.

I remember once, I think I was in 2nd or 3rd grade,  crying a lot when I was told I could not get pregnant because I was a boy. I still get really worked up about it. Are there any other people here who were born male that wish they could get pregnant? It really bothers me too when I talk to my friends about wheter they want kids or not and almost all of them say they do not because they do not like kids and it would wreck their body.

[Claire (formerly Magdalena)]

Oh, Sally. 

You are not alone, little sister. Teenagers can be incredibly mean. They're so busy trying to fit in and impress everyone else that they can be horribly cruel to people who stand out. That's the real secret, they are all scared and confused and afraid of not belonging. You actually have an advantage, you know who you are. They're still lost in the woods. It's probably not much of a comfort now, but in a few years you'll never see these people again. You'll be able to get out into the bigger world and see that it's not like that everyone. There are nice people, ones that don't want to hurt anyone.

You are definitely not the only one to be sad about not being able to have children. I wish I could too. It's normal to want them. YOU'RE normal for wanting them. Watch this video, you'll see we are not the only two... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzb1sq-Majg&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL6KhPmMk0q3SSfVrJsK9EEnJw1o3pG5lH

I agree with LtL, try talking to your mother. She will want to know that you're hurting. Maybe you two can talk about how to make things better.

I also encourage you to keep posting, you are very much allowed to vent. I think it will help you to get it all out. When you joined us you joined a group that accepts you and loves you for who you are, we are like your other family. You are not alone.

love,
-maggie

PS I know Louisiana is 49th and Mississippi is 50th in education. At least you're not there. 

[Sally21012]

Thanks you guys, and I will start posting new threads then! (:
I also want you guys to know I appreciate all the help and support!