Self-validation

[Avatar0Lyra]

What did you do to feel like the right gender before/at the start of/during transitioning? And how did you avoid triggering the dysphoria? Was it in private or somewhere everyone could see?

[JLT1]

Avatar0Lyra,

I'm not sure I understand the question.  Would you rephrase it??

Thanks,

Jen

[Avatar0Lyra]

For MtF, how did/do you feel more girly or feminine, before, during and after transition, and for FtM, same thing except with masculinity

[suzifrommd]

Grew my fingernails. Read chick-lit (which I love), listened to uplifting feminine musicians.

Also laid a lot of ground work. Practiced voice, experimented with styles, went out en femme every chance I could get despite the fact that my passability was questionable.

Spent time with my female friends, and found female-only spaces that would accept trans women. I went out once a week to a women's reading group.

[Lo]

I started wearing sports bras. I can actually bind around some family without them noticing now, because is been doing sports bras for so long. I pair my boyish outfits with super-femme stuff like Hello Kitty knick-knacks. I stopped wearing makeup every day. Not a lot on the feminine end if things, but I've always been a bit of a fairy boi anyway.

[LordKAT]

Fought girl crap for as long as I can remember. My favorite victory was no longer having to wear dresses for anything. I was maybe 12.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Stopped cramming everything in my pockets, bought a nice purse. I remind people it is a PURSE, only homophobic men need to call it a man bag.

Started wearing jewellery. It's nice and I like it.

Started wearing perfume, I like the smell.

Started using ladies deodorant, was also pleasantly surprised to find my clothes stay fresh smelling a lot longer now.

Recently got a wig adjusted to look like my hair in a feminine cut. Because male pattern baldness is not acceptable.

Been enjoying wearing a night gown around the house. I mean in truth, if not for THAT thing being there, I'd likely just stick to wearing just a shirt if not nothing at all most days in the warm season, but the night gown is comfy in the cold season. And it is more practical to have on for random surprise visitors

I don't suffer from dysphoria per se much, But I do suffer from being bummed out over the challenge of my appearance.

[Carrie Liz]

Pre-transition, I started wearing panties instead of mens' underwear, shaved my body hair off a lot, and listened to a LOT of female singers, trying to sing along to them as a means of working on my voice. It definitely did help. Didn't fix it, but at least made me feel a little validated in the meantime.

[Northern Jane]

About age 14 I started going out (en femme) with my girlfriends - clubs, dances, movies, etc., and after being terrified the first  time or two I REALLY came to enjoy it. There was no dysphoria at all and it was the first time I enjoyed life. After a few years it got SO HARD to go back that I just couldn't do it any more but when the chance to have SRS came along 10 years later there was not one iota of doubt where I needed to be.

If there was a way to avoid dysphoria completely, I never found it although being on HRT helped for awhile but even that wasn't enough in the end.

[Night Haven]

As with the others who've posted on here, I started with my appearance. This meant for me, ditching make-up and girly clothes. Shopping in the guy's section, getting boxers instead of panties, and (recently) finally finding a well-fitting pair of guy's jeans helped with my confidence a lot.

Recreational activities have also changed; now I fence (not the Olympic kind, but the type with wrestling and long swords), and the place I go to is largely male. I'm also looking into a couple of local gyms, so once I get into those, it'll be even better because I'll have more ways to gain muscle and lose fat.

Unfortunately, voice training only goes so far for me. While I know it's getting a tiny bit deeper, it still feels like my throat's emitting a squeaky sort of Mini Mouse voice, which probably won't go away until HRT (and I'm still a while off from that). Working with things one can change readily, such as wardrobe, certainly does help though.

[TaoRaven]

The very first thing I did was buy some new deodorant. I couldn't STAND the idea of smelling like Old Spice!

Then I shaved everything below the eyelashes.

grew my nails long and learned to paint them properly.

Learned to apply cosmetics properly.

While doing all of this fun stuff, worked on my voice.

Started indulging in all those wonderful things that I had always wanted to do, but had repressed. Looked at the makeup in stores...listened to "girly" music....watched and thoroughly enjoyed romantic comedies...took bubble baths and just basically fed my poor repressed feminine nature.

I let Her come to the surface...I started sitting differently, talking differently, walking differently....I stopped pretending to be a guy.

As far as avoiding triggers....I can't yet. I haven't started HRT yet due to medical coverage issues, and so every time I look at myself in the mirror, or change my clothes, it hits me. Some days I almost can't handle it, but I remind myself that I am making progress, and that if I can live even half of my life as my real self...then it is worth all of it.