Hi, its been a long-time since I talked about my journey, well, if I was on trip I would say I've landed in Chicago and waiting to catch my connecting flight. I've been taking small steps to androgenize myself, but nothing overtly noticeable.
I've found I have gender flips between male and female, which kind of complicates figuring out how to proceed on my journey. I guess that makes me bigender. At work, and in other activities I am very comfortable as a guy, but at home and night I spend as much time as possible developing my female identity. I had kind of an interesting experience a couple of nights back where I tried sleeping in guy mode for the first time in a week , but tossed and turned all night. Next night girl mode and slept soundly all night, haven't tried guy mode since.
My therapist keeps asking me what my next step is going to be, I am trying still trying to figure that out. I can't wait for winter, and I plan to remove additional body hair, and see how comfortable I am with a hairless body. HRT might be in my future, but at the least I'd like to go out in public and be comfortable and confident explaining to family or friends why and who I've always been. I'd also like time to prepare myself for the inevitable loss of family and friends. Besides, if I am bigender, HRT might be incompatible with my gender swings. I've done my homework, and I know its not a trivial therapy, but I'll prepare by banking some swimmers just in case.
All in all small steps, but in the meantime, I see nice airport bar where I can talk it out and wait for the next flight.
Love to all,
Amy
