Do you ever get stronger against idiots over time?

[Apples Mk.II]

Hi...

As I was saying, today is one of those days where people show that while they are "well mannered persons" on the real life, they can be completely bumh*l*s on the net, specially on dating / meeting people sites.
I saw a person that looked nice, seemed nice... Until he estarted asking if I was a "transvestite". "Travesti" or "travelo" here is more linkable to ->-bleeped-<- in terms of offensivity, and even here we have mode to "crossdresser" trying to avoid that word. I immediately answered "I'm a WOMAN. Don't insult me". Before blocking it.


Well, this is the first time I get this asked directly, and it hurt a lot. Nothing compared to being gendered as male, or a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- proposing thing. Even those seem to be more respectful. Even when I was called the F word on the street it felt bad, but not as bad as this, specially when it comes from somebody younger than you. If had been told it this way: "I don't want to be rude, but are you transgender", maybe I would have taken it better.
The day before another person younger than me in a web chat :"Mi hermano os llama chicos planeta, chicas con rabo y tetas". Which also felt like crap, and I really don't feel with strenght to translate that rhyme.


And that's what I am wondering. Maybe I was wrong about all of this? Do I really have what it takes to transition? Can I stand other peoples awful comments and remain impervious to them? Over time I win be desensitiviced against all of this, bulding a protective shell against me?

[LordKAT]

It helps to avoid situations where you are likely to run into those comments. It never stops hurting but you do start to be able to blow them off.

[suzifrommd]

The world is full of people who need to be educated.

It gives me a powerful sense of purpose.

[Sephirah]

And that's what I am wondering. Maybe I was wrong about all of this? Do I really have what it takes to transition? Can I stand other peoples awful comments and remain impervious to them? Over time I win be desensitiviced against all of this, bulding a protective shell against me?

Suzi is right, a lot of people do need to be educated.

Often the way something is asked can indicate the intent of the person asking. Think about the context of the conversation, what you know about the person... and also remember that the internet has a way of making people more... forthright than they would otherwise be. A lot of subtle cues get lost in translation, as it were. So I've found it useful to take a moment to think if what someone is asking is genuinely asking out of some innocent curiosity, or if it is an attempt to be a bit of a douche.

If the former, then the question automatically loses a lot of its sting. Some people are just blunt, or tactless, or don't know how to properly phrase questions... but they're not inherently malicious, or intending to cause harm.

However, if it's the latter, then one thing you can do is remember why you're doing what you're doing. You're doing it to change your life. You're empowering yourself. You're making conscious choices to get what you need in order to be happy.

When you let other peoples' comments affect you, you're taking that power away from yourself and giving it to them. You're allowing what someone who doesn't know you, has likely never seen you, has no idea about anything to do with you, to overwrite what you know about yourself. Giving that power over you away is something you spent your life up to this point doing in abundance and, in part, facilitating the need for change.

You've spent so long working out who you are, why should the knee-jerk comments (sometimes with emphasis on the 'jerk') of someone who has no idea who you are... well, why should that take precedence over something you've spent a lifetime figuring out?

Temet Nosce - Know thyself. Do this and what misinformed people think can often cease to matter.

And remember - very often, people who feel the need to pass derogatory remarks on people who are bettering themselves are often those who are too afraid to do it themselves. Bitterness does not equal truth.

Just my view, anyway.