Ive stopped HRT Today

[Joanna]

Well I am speechless and totally humbled by the response I have had on here to my post.  You have all said things that have made me think and reflect. 
I made a video response here: -

Thank you so much for your help.  Your thoughts and opinions have helped me reconsider and rethink my decision.  I was being hasty and just thinking of the moment instead of looking at the bigger picture. (such a drama queen eh?)

Transitioning is tough, is heartbreakingly tough.  Sometimes its almost impossible to find your resolve and draw on an ever depleting reserves of positivity.  Having said that, when you do draw on it and do reflect, you know you CAN do it.

Thanks everyone
Lots of Love to you.
Jo 

[Tanya W]

Joanna, thanks for the update. So great to hear from you in such a direct fashion as you come through these last few days of struggle and doubt. Not easy, obviously, but so inspiring. So inspiring. Best, of course, always. I also hope you enjoyed your cup of tea!       

[Robin Mack]

*hug*  I second Tanya.  Our hearts are with you, though some have been with you longer than others.

Much love and hopes for peace of mind,
Robin

[Jamie D]

Hey there, Jo. We all have these sorts of moments.  Don't let them get you down.  You have done beautifully so far and I have confidence in your future.

[MaidofOrleans]

Joanna,

I'm glad you changed your mind. I didn't think you were making the right decision by turning back but I wasn't going to voice it because I feel the only person that can convince you of what's best for you is you.

We are our own worst critics and I think you are way too hard on yourself. I've had days where I felt horrible about myself and just wanted to give up. In the end though I pick myself up and keep going because while the easy path of going back may look fond from time to time, I realize that it would only be a matter or time before I was returned to the misery of pretending I was something i'm not.

[Adam (birkin)]

I'd also like to thank you for the update, and also for being so honest and coming to all of us when you needed support. Honestly, and maybe this will put the brevity of my last post into perspective - I'm glad that you have gotten the help to get through this rougher patch, but I think in ways you may not be aware of, you've helped others who have the same issues. Sometimes I have the question running through my mind too, when I hit a tough spot, "is this too hard? Is it worth it? Can I deal with discrimination, etc? Would I be better off if I quit?" I know how horrible that feeling is, and so I completely understand when others say they want to take a step back. I wouldn't encourage anyone to detransition just because it's hard, and I'm not at the point where I'd detransition myself (not worth it), but I can see how someone could potentially reach that point, and I wanted to express my empathy for that. I can see though in your video that you seem much more composed and comfortable, and I am so happy to see that and I am so happy to see that you're getting it all in perspective.

[bingunginter]

Thank you for this post. You are an inspiration. Made me not afraid of detransition.

[Nicolette]

By Jove, Joanna, you are so beautiful in every way. You will find that love you seek. You deserve it.

[KelsieJ]

Bingunginter, if you're going to stop the process, make sure you're doing it for yourself, because you really want to, and not because you think that's what a potential partner or ex, etc, wants.

Take a breather and contemplate where you are and how far you'd have left to go, and talk it over with a therapist whether you stop your HRT or not. If you don't want to become the blossoming woman that you're well on your way to becoming, that should be because YOU want to stop, not because you think it will be easier for you. Because if you're doing it for others or other peoples approval, you may be even more sad than you are right now.

Whatever you do, I strongly suggest talking it over with someone professional - and that way, if you decide you are going to stop, they can migrate you off the HRT so your body doesn't go into turmoil.

****HUGS*****
XO Kelsie

[KatelynRain]

Joanna!! Wow!!  I read your initial post, and it is heartbreaking, but then I noticed your little youtube link at the bottom.  You are a STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL and GORGEOUS woman!!  I am so sorry for how you feel, and support you no matter what decision you make, but I just need to let you know that if I ever met you in person, or stumbled upon your video normally, I would not have known you were anything but a cisgender woman. 

You need to accept yourself.  Obviously, you see yourself as a woman, but are not satisfied because of anxiety and insecurities about being accepted by others.  A lot of our fears come from our own distorted perceptions of ourselves.  You look and sound amazing!!  And you need to find people in your life who love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

Anyways, just wanted to give my two cents (:  Keep us updated!!

[Rachel]

Big Hug,

Joanna, you are an incredibly sweet and strong person; I felt your pain as I read and listened to your posts. I could not help but think repetitively, as I was reading, how special you are.

I hope you find what you are looking for; what I saw and heard is a beautiful caring sensitive loving woman.

Whatever path you take, crossing my path has enriched me, thank you.   

[KelsieJ]

Joanna!! Wow!!  I read your initial post, and it is heartbreaking, but then I noticed your little youtube link at the bottom.  You are a STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL and GORGEOUS woman!!

You most certainly are, Joanna!!!! Whatever you do, I hope you find peace

XO
Kelsie

[LizMarie]

Joanna, whenever I've seen you, in photos or in videos, I see a vibrant, strong woman.

I'm older and dealing with years more of "testosterone poisoning" but as I do this, I've been supported by some strong female friends who are close to my own age. In fact, I showed them your FFS pictures and they said you look simply amazing and they now understand why I want FFS but they've also convinced me that I don't need quite as much done as I originally thought.

These same women have been very supportive as my spouse of many years decided she no longer wishes to be with me and eventually wants a divorce (once she's taken some refresher classes at school). I've lived essentially alone for the last 15 months and expect to live alone for another 24 months and what keeps me going are my women friends.

I understand that women can be catty, jealous and competitive, but if you can find some true female friends my experience with them has been nothing like anything I ever had in any male friendship. And while I hope that someday "that guy" will appear, I've also made peace with myself if that doesn't happen. I will have the rest of my life as myself and every time I ask the question of whether I want to be remembered as him or as her, the answer is always the same - as her.

So I get that things hurt and sometimes hurt a lot but for me, the choice is life versus existence and that's no choice at all. I'd rather experience the heartbreaks and the pains of really living than the existential shell I've experienced until now.

You do whatever you need to do. It's ok. But whatever you choose to do, choose to live, not simply exist.

[evecrook]

life is way too short. You have to do what you feel is best for your self. god loves you

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Joanna, you are quite lovely.  And yes some days it seems like we just can't go on.  But somehow we find the strength to be the true us.

Blessed Be, Dear Sister. )O(

[amZo]

Very helpful thread. I'm sure many have these very same feelings but often struggle to articulate them this well. Glad you're doing much better. 

[Emily.T]

Big Hugs and best wishes for your future I hope that you can find something in your life to make you happy I to have lost my marriage of 11 years because of my being transsexual and I live a lonely life without friends because ppl just don't understand I wish you all the happyness in the world.

Lots of luv and Hugs

Emily.T xx

[sam79]

***Big HUGS*** Joanna!

Thank you for sharing your story, and for the videos. We can all relate in some ways. I'm so happy you've found direction and a way back to happiness.

[TerriT]

I'm so glad to hear you've changed your mind. I'm also glad you didn't do anything ridiculous like cutting off your incredible hair! You're a beautiful woman and deserve to be happy. Your video was very touching and heartwarming.

[SRat]

Well I am speechless and totally humbled by the response I have had on here to my post.  You have all said things that have made me think and reflect. 
I made a video response here: -

Thank you so much for your help.  Your thoughts and opinions have helped me reconsider and rethink my decision.  I was being hasty and just thinking of the moment instead of looking at the bigger picture. (such a drama queen eh?)

Transitioning is tough, is heartbreakingly tough.  Sometimes its almost impossible to find your resolve and draw on an ever depleting reserves of positivity.  Having said that, when you do draw on it and do reflect, you know you CAN do it.

Thanks everyone
Lots of Love to you.
Jo

Jo, you look beautiful. May I ask the specific procedures you had done with Mr Altman? Especially what he did with forehead/jaw/chin area? Thank you.