Coming out to my dad

[Autumn]

I recently came out to my mom a couple of weeks ago and have been having a hard time thinking of how I should come out to my dad. My mom is accepting, but still doesn't understand it that well. She's asked if I'd like her to tell my dad. I don't know if I should let her or to do it myself. I'm kind of leaning towards letting her do it and then doing some clearing up if necessary.

As a side note, I live with both of them.

Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

[kaylagirl0806]

I came out to my parents but they don't believe me.   Just bear in mind that he might not be as excepting as your mom.
Love from
Kayla

[Jessica Merriman]

Just be patient baby, it is a big a change for them as it is to you. If you get confrontational they may shut down and not listen to you. Be calm and show them it is a well thought out decision on your part. You might show them the Significant Others section if they want to find out more. BIG HUG!! 

[Autumn]

Thank you ladies. I'm still undecided at this point. I think it's probably for the best that I tell him myself.

[Claire (formerly Magdalena)]

Emily,

That's probably for the best. It's the only way to be sure the message was presently clearly and all bases were covered. Good luck. 

-maggie

[Jennygirl]

Yeah I will second what Kayla said... There is always that chance that he might not be as fully accepting at first (as was the case with my step dad). If he resists, always give your mom the chance to stand up for you herself. Talking to your mom about it prior and making sure that no matter what she has your back is a great idea. It sounds like things might already be there with her, which is wonderful.

In person sounds the best to me, too. Talk slowly and give him time to digest it.

Best of luck, Emily

[Autumn]

I think he'll be shocked at first, but in the end I think he'll be accepting. My mom keeps trying to reassure me that he's an understanding man. I really don't know what's holding me back now. Maybe it's just that my dad and I really never talked all that much. When we do talk it's usually about sports or something. It's never really about anything personal.

[Alice Rogers]

I recently came out to my mom a couple of weeks ago and have been having a hard time thinking of how I should come out to my dad. My mom is accepting, but still doesn't understand it that well. She's asked if I'd like her to tell my dad. I don't know if I should let her or to do it myself. I'm kind of leaning towards letting her do it and then doing some clearing up if necessary.

As a side note, I live with both of them.

Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

Don't let your mum do it for you unless you know it won't turn into a blame giving excercise, he may be hurt that you told her first you never know! 

I chose somewhat of a cowards tactic, but it worked for me, I was living at home when I started my 'clothing transition' and simply put the laundry started to be obvious, swanning around with a towel wrapped around under my arms instead of around my waist, growing my hair out and putting love and attention into it, thanking him when he made comments about me losing muscle because I wasn't doing building work any more, (one particular day he told me I needed to start working out as my forearms were getting slim, I thanked him for noticing and told him I didn't want to look like the incredible hulk thank you very much!)

In the end it came down to him asking me right out what was happening with my clothes and appearence, I took a deep breath and told him that I needed to feel relaxed and able to be myself and my clothing decisions reflected that. At the end of the day he and I have never actually sat down and bandied the word 'transgender' around but he knows....

(This all happened gradually over the course of about 18 months.)

[Robin Mack]

As a parent myself, it may be helpful for you to point out the dangers of not treating your gender dysphoria (trying to bury it) rather than dealing with it by transitioning.  It's one thing to have my kids make statements about their intentions and desires, it is truly another thing entirely if they are telling me about a legitimate threat to their health and well-being.

*hug*

[Autumn]

I hope to tell him within the next week. My birthday is next Thursday, aiming to get it done before then.

Thank you for all the advice