Yesterday was great... today I just want to curl up and...

[Robin Mack]

...hide.  Not die.  Just hide and hope to wake up and have everything be ok again.

I can hardly believe it was just yesterday that I tapped into something beautiful and long dormant inside of me.  I did my best to write it out, to share some of my happiness with the world.  Also to hedge against upcoming depression.  (If anyone is interested, it's here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,151687.0.html).

Today, though, I can't focus at work again.  Everything seems so distant, transitioning seems so futile, life seems pointless and I feel like I'm going numb again.  Dysphoria is really bad right now, too.  I'll be going in for my first electrolysis appointment tomorrow, so my whiskers are rapidly approaching the 1/8" required for that.  I don't want to look at my face, my body... 

I guess I'm asking for a hand up, ladies and gents.  I'm sorry.  I try to be as uplifting and cheerful as possible on these forums, but just now I'm in the spot best described by an old Jewish saying: "my heart lies panting on the floor."

[Devlyn]

Big hug!  Get ye to the Hug Bank forthwith! https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,149821.0.html

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sephirah]

Robin, in the time you've been here, you've been a wonderfully uplifting source of inspiration, advice and encouragement. There's nothing wrong with needing the same, sweetie. We all do from time to time. Don't ever apologise for reaching out, okay?

As hard as it may seem to hear right now, what you're going through is a sort of biorhythm that a lot of folks go through. Like a storm at sea, with huge waves of despondency followed by periods of calm and even hope.

Hold on to that image you see of yourself at the end. The image you see which makes it all worth it. Worth fighting for. Worth riding the waves and tumultuous storm of emotion and uncertainty for.

That image will help you ride it out, sweetie.

The real you. The you that is always there. The you that made you realise all this was a possibility. That girl who can fly.

She will never lose her wings. Sometimes the winds of doubt may be too strong, but they will calm.

We're all here for you, Robin.

*extra big hug*

[Beth Andrea]

I've ridden that particular roller-coaster many, many times. Hide if you must, but always keep in mind "This too shall pass."

Depression, and joy, seems to come and go...trust the process, things do get better.

(Wow, I seem to be talking in cliches a lot today, like sands in the hourglass...

[Robin Mack]

Big hug!  Get ye to the Hug Bank forthwith! https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,149821.0.html

Thank you, Devlyn... how like your warm, wise, and helpful soul to come up with such an institution. 

Robin, in the time you've been here, you've been a wonderfully uplifting source of inspiration, advice and encouragement. There's nothing wrong with needing the same, sweetie. We all do from time to time. Don't ever apologise for reaching out, okay?

As hard as it may seem to hear right now, what you're going through is a sort of biorhythm that a lot of folks go through. Like a storm at sea, with huge waves of despondency followed by periods of calm and even hope.

Hold on to that image you see of yourself at the end. The image you see which makes it all worth it. Worth fighting for. Worth riding the waves and tumultuous storm of emotion and uncertainty for.

That image will help you ride it out, sweetie.

The real you. The you that is always there. The you that made you realise all this was a possibility. That girl who can fly.

She will never lose her wings. Sometimes the winds of doubt may be too strong, but they will calm.

We're all here for you, Robin.

*extra big hug*

Bless you, Sephira.  I'm crying hard right now, reading your wonderful message of support.  I needed that, so much.  *hug*

I've ridden that particular roller-coaster many, many times. Hide if you must, but always keep in mind "This too shall pass."

Depression, and joy, seems to come and go...trust the process, things do get better.

(Wow, I seem to be talking in cliches a lot today, like sands in the hourglass...

Thank you, welcome visitor.  I keep telling myself that, and generally I just hide out and lick my wounds.  This is a new experience for me, reaching out for encouragement.

[Ms Grace]

Hey, I really hope you feel better soon, babe! Having to grow your whiskers for the electrolysis is a bitch, I hate it too... (not as much as not being able to shave afterwards, though  ). I look at it this way, transition is a lot like puberty - your body changes, you feel goofy, you experiment, some days are mega crap but then there are others that are GLORIOUS TO BEHOLD AND LIVE IN!!! Hope you find your way back to one of those real soon. 

HUGE HUG!!

(PS Will check out your other post later today)

[Beth Andrea]

Thank you, welcome visitor.  I keep telling myself that, and generally I just hide out and lick my wounds.  This is a new experience for me, reaching out for encouragement.

Reach out anytime...that's what a support network is for.

*hugs*

[Megumi]

Big hugs, I know exactly how you feel. One day can be the best day ever and the next you just don't want to get up and get out of bed. It's not easy but we just keep going forward towards our ultimate goal.

[Joe.]

Robin, you're always here for everyone else on this forum. You always bring light here. It's ok for you to take some time for yourself too. It's ok to be depressed sometimes. Don't be sorry for anything, it's about time you looked after yourself too. You will get through this, we all have bad days where we just can't see a future. You've come so far lately. You've come out to so many people recently and I admire your bravery and courage I really do. We're all here for you. I know having to grow out your whiskers is hard and is causing you emotional pain, but just look at it as another step in your journey. Eventually the electrolysis will work it's magic. It's just another difficult step in this hard journey you have to take. You will get there though, I promise, and I'm behind you every step of the way. You can always message me if you need to talk. Big hugs.

[Rachel]

Big Hug

Robin, you always know what to say to help others; I just want you to know you have made a difference in the lives of a lot of brothers and sister.

I did not shave for 2 days to see the hair color, unfortunately gray. When I looked in the mirror what I saw was not how I see myself and I shaved immediately. I can  sympathize with your pain and the electrolysis will be worth the pain.

I hope tomorrow the treatment will eliminate those nasty hairs.

[E-Brennan]

Robin, you get my first hug ever.

I hope this passes soon.  You're not alone when things get miserable - we're right there with you.

[Robin Mack]

My heart is so full right now, thank you, all.  I am hoping some sleep will be the balm I need.  Bless you all for your kind words and messages of support.  I love you all.

*hug*

[Jessica Merriman]

Robin baby, there must be something in this stupid red dirt baby. I have had the same week as it sounds you have. Just cowgirl up and remember the shopping trip in November. We should have a ball with it. You hold me up and I will do the same. Here is a BIG HUG, ok, another BIG HUG!! Get some sleep girl! Love ya!  If it gets too bad E-mail me and I will come over, OK?

[ambiguousinlife]

feel better

*hug*

[Cindy]

We never know when the dysphoria monster will leap in. I know that so well.

Robin I have followed your growth here, and have taken great joy in your progress.

But as I have said to many woman here, there is a wall and we hit it every now and again. We suffer a few contact bruises but that damn wall gets a shake each time as well.
Then we see the chips of plaster falling off it, and then the mortar starts to get weaker, and then bricks start to fall. Finally there is a crack and we can see the sunlight behind it. We focus on that. Reaching the sunlight so we can bathe in our new world.

Then we can reach back through and grab the hand of a sister and tell her to be brave and keep walking towards the sun.

You will get there Honey, you will get there.

Hugs Sister

Cindy

[carrie359]

Robin baby, there must be something in this stupid red dirt baby. I have had the same week as it sounds you have. Just cowgirl up and remember the shopping trip in November. We should have a ball with it. You hold me up and I will do the same. Here is a BIG HUG, ok, another BIG HUG!! Get some sleep girl! Love ya!  If it gets too bad E-mail me and I will come over, OK?

Robin,
Hope you feel better today...I live in the red dirt part of the country too... that Jessica mentioned above..you helped me when I have been down..
I hope you know you are not alone and know I/we care.
Carrie

[Robin Mack]

First off, feeling much better today.  Thank you all, your words were a soothing balm that helped me sleep.  And sleep did the trick... I awoke today recharged and inspired.  Blessings to you all; I can only hope that all future episodes are so quickly/easily resolved.

I remember when my youngest daughter (and only bio-kid) was a baby... she would always get fussy and regress a bit just before she would hit a new level of development... and sometimes she would hit a new level (walking, talking, etc) and then immediately regress, being fussy and crying a lot for a while, before going back to that level again and moving forward.  I wonder if that happens to all of us.  Maybe it's just a human thing.  Maybe these setbacks are good, because it means we're reaching a higher level in our own development?

Hey, I really hope you feel better soon, babe! Having to grow your whiskers for the electrolysis is a bitch, I hate it too... (not as much as not being able to shave afterwards, though  ).

ACK!  I can't shave afterward?  Aaaaargh!!! And, thank you.

Big hugs, I know exactly how you feel. One day can be the best day ever and the next you just don't want to get up and get out of bed. It's not easy but we just keep going forward towards our ultimate goal.

Thank you, Megumi.  Those are certainly words to live by.

...
You will get there though, I promise, and I'm behind you every step of the way. You can always message me if you need to talk. Big hugs.

Joe, that meant a *lot* to me.  I'm sorry I wasn't able to articulate it at the time, but, well... *hug*.  Thank you, brother.

Big Hug
...
Robin, you always know what to say to help others; I just want you to know you have made a difference in the lives of a lot of brothers and sister.

Thank you, Cynthia, that means more to me than you know.  *hug*

Robin, you get my first hug ever.

*hug*  I am honored, Michele, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You're really good at hugging, by the way... you should do it often! 

Robin baby, there must be something in this stupid red dirt baby. I have had the same week as it sounds you have. Just cowgirl up and remember the shopping trip in November. We should have a ball with it. You hold me up and I will do the same. Here is a BIG HUG, ok, another BIG HUG!! Get some sleep girl! Love ya!  If it gets too bad E-mail me and I will come over, OK?

Thank you, Jessica... yes, I am looking forward to the shopping trip.  I'm sorry you're going through this kind of stuff, too.  *hug*

feel better

*hug*

Thank you... I do feel better today. 

...
Robin I have followed your growth here, and have taken great joy in your progress.

But as I have said to many woman here, there is a wall and we hit it every now and again. We suffer a few contact bruises but that damn wall gets a shake each time as well.
Then we see the chips of plaster falling off it, and then the mortar starts to get weaker, and then bricks start to fall. Finally there is a crack and we can see the sunlight behind it. We focus on that. Reaching the sunlight so we can bathe in our new world.

Then we can reach back through and grab the hand of a sister and tell her to be brave and keep walking towards the sun.

You will get there Honey, you will get there.

Hugs Sister

Thank you, Cindy, for making me cry tears of hope and joy this morning when I read this.  I had no idea the famous Cindy was following the progress of little ol' me... but then, when I see the care and attention you give to everyone on this forum, I realize that you must indeed follow the progress of nearly everyone.  A sign of a wonderful, caring soul, and I hope that one day I can help people as you do.

*hug*

Robin,
Hope you feel better today...I live in the red dirt part of the country too... that Jessica mentioned above..you helped me when I have been down..
I hope you know you are not alone and know I/we care.
Carrie

Perhaps we should form a club!  The sisterhood of the Red Dirt! 
Thank you, Carrie.