Hi girls and guys,
just some jokes, hope you'll like 'em
...
Hungry Cock
A guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken under his arm, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies,
"Well, my pet chicken, of course!"
The girl tells him that he can't take a chicken into the theater, so he goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken into his trousers, and returns. He buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his fly so the chicken can stick its head out - get some air and watch the movie. Sitting next to him is Agnes.
She elbows Myrtle and whispers,
"Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"
Myrtle whispers back,
"Oh, don't worry about it... you've seen one, you've seen them all."
Agnes says,
"I know... but this one's eating my POPCORN!"
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Butcher Shop
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"
The lawyer replied,
"Of course, how much was the roast?"
"$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:
Legal Consultation Service: $150.
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Johnny's Thinking
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered,
"An apple."
The teacher replied,
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?" Billy asks.
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies.
"Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies.
"It's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly.
"Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries.
"That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny.
"It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
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The Milkman
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water.
Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.
Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims,
"Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Johnny cries out,
"Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
LOL I hope they are not too dirty
...
cya
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Michelle
