Hello everyone! ^_^

[Lexxi]

Pounding. Heart pounding. Wondering minds, souls..intriguing. Cravings, fads, addictions. This is it. Almost a game. That can't be controlled. You don't even know if you want it to end. Parents leave the house. You feel like some fun needs to happen. So you walk into your sisters room...remove a skirt from the closet...and put it on. Next you take a nice pink blouse, and put it on. You have been half transformed. What the hell is this..? You walk downstairs, and realise somethings missing. You hit your sisters bathroom..and do your face up all pretty. Grab a wig. Wear it. You then think back. This happened before in my younger years. Girls vandelised your face with cosmetics. This isn't what guys do. You realise this. You like it though. You like the makeup on your face. You like the skirt..the blouse....

A bit about myself: I can't be called anything really...
I don't, myself have a real name for myself regarding Transgender, Cross-dresser, Transexual.
I am only 15 and have a lot more understanding of these words.
I guess what I can be called is a very young cross-dresser, if that.

Points: I do feel..that if I was a female my life would be much, much better.
It would be a good life as a male though as well.
I often pray to wake up as a very feminin beautiful young teen-aged girl.
I am just a "cutie-pie" (as they call me ^_^) young teen-aged boy.

When my parents are out, I try and do the girliest things possible.
That is kept to a minimum though since I do not have any clothes of my own, or makeup. It makes it very difficult, and I have researched a bit on "sharing" makeup. I have found two things that you deffinately should not share. Eyeliner, and mascara. Deffinately a no-no.

Anything else is to be discovered from here.

Tootles, all!

[Lexxi]

I hope this makes sense...

Well..your first question..it's so I am a girl..
No doubt about it that I wouldn't like it.
I would love it.

Thats not going to happen though.

Your second question...I really felt more urges at around 12.
At age 7 I would be taken downstairs while my mom talked with her friend...
My moms friends daughter and her daughters friends would tie me to a chair, and bring all their makeup downstairs..and they would doll me up. They let me go and would run off somewhere. I would go upstairs, and my mom would laugh. (This is the first time I've told this story since I've talked to people from here.) She wasn't laughing at me really, but just at the fact that the girls had control over me. I tried talking to her and she understood a bit, but didn't take things into anything more..
I ended up having this done to me almost everytime we went there, so finally..I went in a little pink dress, and I practiced dance with them...(and did mom ever think that was cute..!)

Now you think about this and you say..aww thats cute I bet..
I didn't think it was so cute then..

Age 8 I started having these dreams, where the girls would chase me and catch me, and bring me back downstairs. This time they would just leave me there..and i wasn't even tied up..

I started asking Julia (moms friends daughter) to bring her makeup kit everytime she came over. She did, and we would immediately go to the bathroom.

We tried to keep this secret, but she let it slip eventually..
The guy she told it to soon forgot though.

After that it was a normal life..til I turned 12.
These huge flashbacks about those times would come..and then..I had urges..and thats how my story unfolds from there..

Its stupid I know..I can't even believe I let the girls get away with that but...
It happened...

It happens to a lot of boys at 7..

Thats just a childhood tale though...

Now, at 15, I wear my moms and sisters clothes whenever I'm home alone...
Ahh how I love it..
I wish it were like that a lot more..

Also...I don't know If I ever plan on telling anyone..but I have told my cousin Kristy, and she supports me all the way! ^_^

[ILoveTSWomen]

Welcome Lexxi,

You express yourself very well - very descriptive.

Dennis

[Lexxi]

Thank you Dennis.
I guess the story..looking back now..is kind of cute...
Hehe..^_^ yeah..kind of

[Shelley]

Hi Lexxie,

Officially welcome to Susan's I have a similar story to yours re makeup experiences although no chair.

I also relied on my mums wardrobe for my early experiences.

Nice to have you on board. When you get a chance check out the WIKI and the site rules under Announcements. Both very helpful

Shelley

[JenniferElizabeth]

Hello Nexxi and welcome to susans. I hope you find alot of good friends here as well as all the info you are searching for. Have a wonderful journey which ever road you decide to take. And remember were all here for you.

[Lexxi]

Shelley I wouldn't mind hearing your story Or reading it I mean..

Also, thanks all of you! ^_^
I'm sure I'll love it here.

Another thing about me..I have no attraction to men at all..
Just women..so I may have to be a lesbian. Thats fine with me though.

I have a picture of my boy self, but none of me in girl form..

http://www.golivewire.com/images/ib/40976_f.jpg

Everyone who I've shown that to says I will make a beautiful girl.
What do you guys think? I think I'd make an okay one..just a little touching up here and there.. ^_^

( Buy me a skirt! )

[Lexxi]

Melissa....i'm really not sure....
I mean I'd love it if it was possible..
I really don't want surgery though....
So I guess...switch back and forth..but I still have time to really decide do I not?
Like, I'm really not sure. If I could be a girl 100% without surgery..and just take hormones, or whatever..that would be great. I can't do that though. So I guess i'm stuck at a cross-roads.

[Lexxi]

Maybe I would make a good girl!!
Harisu is gorgeous!!!!!!

That would be a dream, thats for sure.

Your welcome melissa
Thanks for understanding ^_^

[jmann]

I think a lot of people here are going to tell you not to rush. I disagree, and I am only 22. Although I try to beleve I have no regrets yet, I realize that after identifying as some part of the transgender spectrum and not purdrsueing it, I am setting myself up for regret. You see, there is nothing more valuable than experiences, and there is not reason to deny yourself in having experiences as whatever way you identify. What I am trying to say is not that you should rush to find an identity, but what I am saying is that you should use your youth while you have it. I hope I am making sense.

"Well..your first question..it's so I am a girl..
No doubt about it that I wouldn't like it.
I would love it."

[Lexxi]

Jmann..theres no way I'm go faster than I already am..
I mean..I'm leaving clues along the way in a different order..

Use my youth while I have it..hmm..makes some sense..But maybe not as much as It should, considering I'm in my mid-teens..

Anyways..the way I'm doing it is..:

1)Putting things back wrong..or a little wrong.
2)Dropping things at night (makeup) (it isn't my fault, I'm clumsy..lol)
3) Going along with 2..putting makeup back wrong..
4)Singing girly songs around my parents or humming to Kelly Clarkson.
5)Changing my tone a bit..not using my guy voice as much as I used to.


Melissa, I agree about a moderate speed.
Is the way I'm doing it good enough? ^_^

[Cassandra]

Hi Lexxi,

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you do take your time and figure out what it is you really want. A therapist who understands TG's would be very helpful in figuring things out and if in the end you decide you do want to be a girl and get the surgery and everything then you will already have one of the criteria taken care of, therapy. What ever you decide take all the time you need. In the mean time. Fix yourself a cup of tea or other relaxing(age appropriate)beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey

Cassie

[Lexxi]

Hi Lexxi,

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you do take your time and figure out what it is you really want. A therapist who understands TG's would be very helpful in figuring things out and if in the end you decide you do want to be a girl and get the surgery and everything then you will already have one of the criteria taken care of, therapy. What ever you decide take all the time you need. In the mean time. Fix yourself a cup of tea or other relaxing(age appropriate)beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey

Cassie

Thanks Cassie, thats exactly what I was thinking to myself..
I mean..testosterone right..but..what if it still makes me look just as feminin as any woman?
What I'm thinking is..if my face is just as good, I may take more into consideration..
I still don't like the fact on taking surgery though..

()\/()
(T_T)
(")_(")~

I do have one very masculine drink on my way..
Some ladies like it though, so all the power to them!
Eggnog Ladies! Eggnog..^_^
It might just be because my dad loves it, but maybe not..hehe

Melissa, alright Thank you.
I think that speed is just perfect for me.

I have been trying to work on my voice lately but it cracks..
I can only do really feminin voices when I sing..^ ^

Edit:

I keep looking at Harisu pictures.
She is so beautiful!!!!
She did an amazing job, don't you all think?

[Shelley]

Shelley I wouldn't mind hearing your story  Or reading it I mean..

The story of Shelley may put you to sleep LOL.

I too started around seven or eight and as a teenager "reluctantly succumed to have my face made up by girlfriends. I say no chair cause it wasn't necessary I loved it.

I wore my mum's clothes until I married and then wore my first wifes. Fortunately she never found out about Shelley as we latered divorced and it could have turned a bit ugly as I was to experience in alater relationhip. I used to shop for "her" for presents and that fullfilled my desire to shop.

When my marriage broke up I lived with a woman who at first filled me with the idea that she was fully supportive but she had an alter ego that hated it and she would tell people to be destructive of my sanity and to hurt me. This was difficult as on some occasions she would be encouraging and even buy me femme clothing and then on others attack me as depraved and sick. That experience was an emotional rollercoaster. Eventually we parted company but not before she left some pretty big scars. I lived alone for some months and had a ball I even joined a local support group and although I didn't get all that involved knowing I was part of it was great.

Eventually I met my current wife and given my past experiences I decided to keep Shelley to myself and at that time I threw away all my clothes and makeup deciding that I didn't need them or Shelley. For a couple of years that worked but as we all know here you can only deny what you are for a while. I started to buy things for my wife and to wear her clothes and accumulate some things again.

Then I found here and was able to understand myself. Through the interatcions here I came to understand that I am a CD. This I have come to be very comfortable with. I am both both Shelley and my alter ego. We cohabit this body and when I'm here I'm all Shelley.

I really don't want surgery though....
So I guess...switch back and forth..but I still have time to really decide do I not?

You have all the time that you need. Only you can decide your path in life. You may only ever be a CD or down the track you may find you want and need more. You decide.

In the mean time here is a safe and friendly place to explore your feelings. By communicating with the others here you can learn about yourself and where on the TG spectrum you belong.

You have begun a journey of self discovery and while your journey may be headed in the same direction as others where you stop to replenish and where you ultimately end up is your choice. You may venture down little detours and realise that they are not for you and may even backtrack a little.

Remember though it is your journey and your choice of who you choose to travel with. Goodluck Lexxie on your journey and I hope our paths cross on more than one occasion.

Shelley

[Lexxi]

Awwwwwwwww! *cries*
Thank you so, so much Shelley ^ ^
You are so awesome

*sniff* Your story wasn't boring it was nice to know. So we are very much alike is all. I do admit..I liked it (loved it) when the girls did me over too..they didn't need to tie me up..but, that was there decision. Just like me..in the real world I am half me, and when I am here, I am all Lexxi, and the other half of me.

*cries again* That was still really touching at the end. *hug*
Thank you very much

And thank you everyone for the welcomings and help
I needed them a whole lot.

(I am home alone right now so I don't have to turn my head to see if my step dads watching..but they are just getting groceries...and awww..they just walked in the door..)

Thanks again everyone! hehe. ^_^