Honesty

[louise000]

In the HRT forum the subject of using false pictures and avatars has been brought up, so I'm starting a new thread here about honesty.
Is it honest to post a picture of someone else and pretend it's you? I have learned to my cost that honesty is essential in our situation - for years I lied by default to my wife by not telling her about my ->-bleeped-<-.  So I will not post a picture of myself until I look reasonably passable and will certainly not try to pass off someone elses image as me.
What do you others think about this?
Louise

[mavieenrose]

Thanks for starting the new thread Louise, here's my two-penny worth then...

I don't think it's really a big deal what picture people decide to post (as long as it's not offensive to others). I'm sure most people are not doing it because they are looking to deceive people, they are probably very honest people and no doubt just want to express to us all how they feel inside or how they'd love to look.

Maybe, you could even say that people who post pics of themselves as they'd like to be, or that express their inner feelings, are actually being more honest than others, by showing us more than just what's on the surface...

MVER XXX

[Christo]

dunno.  u gotta ask them.  this is me in my avitar.  dont know everbody here. I aint an important dude so it dont matter to show my face here  lol
many poeple here dont show there fotos 'cos of there jobs and sh*t.  I aint got that problem.  my job aint that important. u dig?

[Nero]

I don't post my pic because of privacy issues. Someone would have to be very daft to think I'm the late Jackie Gleason. I do believe it's deceitful for someone to try to pass off another pic as their own. However, I don't believe that those who simply post a pic of a celebrity or such are trying to deceive unless it's clear they're pretending it's their own pic. I think many are just not yet comfortable enough with their appearance or passability to post their own pic. By choosing a pic of a person who is unambiguously male or female, they are expressing their gender as much as they can.   

[Kara]

I just really like the Art style of Disgaea( The game this pic came from).

  And no pic for me untill I can shed this facial hair. After which, I may actually, be able to leave the house comfortably and maybe...even go full time.

[Berliegh]

I personally think it's better to put 'no picture' in your aviator or a 'teddy bear' than to put a misleading picture of a beautiful genetic female which is presented as the person who makes the post. Psychologically you will start to believe that is the peson you are talking to and in reality they could be a 6' 4" trucker from Wigan.......obviously I'm not saying that's they case in this forum but it happens in other forums and it can be a bit scary.....

[NightAngel]

I think many are just not yet comfortable enough with their appearance or passability to post their own pic.

agree with Nero here, I already have a nice long hair but the face is still not the way I want to look so you will need to wait some more time before I post my first real pic. 

* *

Michelle

[MeghanAndrews]

Hey, I'm TOTALLY not comfortable with my appearance at all, but I decided to post a real picture of me as my way of saying 'here I am.' I look forward to my changing look and as it changes, I'll update my avatar. If someone says they are someone they are not, I think that's an issue but if they post a famous person or something, I don't see the big deal with that.

[Berliegh]

Hey, I'm TOTALLY not comfortable with my appearance at all, but I decided to post a real picture of me as my way of saying 'here I am.' I look forward to my changing look and as it changes, I'll update my avatar. If someone says they are someone they are not, I think that's an issue but if they post a famous person or something, I don't see the big deal with that.

I can't see you properly in that picture but I understand the point. Not many people are happy with their own images (me included but I put mine in anyway) but some of picture's in people's aviators are famous people I am not familiar with and so I thought that was how the person looked.

I think a lot of people in this forum are not yet at the starting point of transition which I undertand makes it difficult. I've not transitioned properly either (not through choice of course) but feel still comfortable enough about posting a picture of myself. 

[Keira]

Sometimes, its the opposite, I feel that my picture rubs it in, because I was very lucky
and got nice looks.

So many strugle with various transition issues, including me (but not too much about how I look) and how can people really believe me when I say I still feel insecure about how I look, about life in general, I feel like someone will discover me to be a "fraud" and not authentic.

Some TS ask: how can someone looking like you have any problems? They look at my plight in disbelief, like I'm a crybaby for even having any problems because I look good!!! It deeply offends me considering how messed up I still feel I am inside. A women is not just skin,clothes and makeup, I'm much more than that. I need to be a rounded women, one that is a multi-hued and rich in promise as the fresh morning sun's shimmering light as it kisses the oceans's might.

[Laura Eva B]

Its a tricky issue.

I really dont like people posting pics of beautiful women or cute guys (be they famous or not) as some of us might be deceived into thinking that it was the poster her / himself.  Especially when the photo is a pic the poster could never remotely aspire too, say a 50-60 year old posting a pic of a 20-something babe ... exception maybe when the pic is someone iconic like Aubrey Hepburn, Marylin Monroe, Marlon Brando, James Dean, who we all recognise.

And doing so confuses us when the avatar is real but almost too good to be true pretty (Debbie ?).

We naturally look to the avatar to tell us something about the poster in the absence of other info, as newbies have no idea who we are until they've been around a bit and learn from reading our posts.  Personally I like to know the status of the person who's opinion or advice I'm reading - age, pre-non-post op TS/TG/TV, etc ....

Would be nice to have something in the avatar column such as "Laura, 48, post-op TS, Reading, Berkshire, UK" ?  Sure I post a very modest weblink that gives a better profile of me, shame that more people don't.

I do understand people's reluctance to post true pictures, and feel a painting or anime kind of thing is better than a blank as it at least expresses something. 

Guess I'm lucky as there was never a time in my adult 25 years when I didn't have an attractive picture of me as a girl / woman. But hey, photos decieve .... we click "delete" on the embarrassing ones.  I post one that I think is flattering but representative, not the prettiest, as if anyone meets me in person I wouldn't want them to get a shock  , and I've posted many more pics in these forums anyway.  Even Berliegh's pic (bleached out by overexposure) is designed to flatter  !

But the issue of "Trolls" coming on site and building false identities for voyeuristic reasons does worry me, especially as membership here is uncontrolled.  Sure few can sustain the deception but they can be dangerous before being exposed. 

It worries me too that "guests" viewing forums way outnumber contributing members .... and hence reason for people to doubly protect identity.  Being in the UK I feel shielded in a kind of way.

Long post but it kinda sums up my feelings  .

Laura x

[melissa90299]

In the HRT forum the subject of using false pictures and avatars has been brought up, so I'm starting a new thread here about honesty.
Is it honest to post a picture of someone else and pretend it's you? I have learned to my cost that honesty is essential in our situation - for years I lied by default to my wife by not telling her about my ->-bleeped-<-.  So I will not post a picture of myself until I look reasonably passable and will certainly not try to pass off someone elses image as me.
What do you others think about this?
Louise

If it bothers you, you can post a disclosure that it's not you, most of the time it is pretty obvious. It is very common for people to post pictures of others claiming it's them. I suspect at least one or two members here do that. It is pretty easy to spot impostors as they are vague about their experiences.

At some point, I am going to go stealth and not post a real picture of me.

[Shana A]

I can usually get a pretty good idea of the person from their posts whether they use real picture or not. Some people's animes are very expressive, and give a good idea of who they are. I used real pics of myself for the first few months when I joined Susan's, at some point people were discussing privacy issues which got me thinking of the few potential crazies out there, and I switched to my current avatar. I'll probably use a real pic again.

zythyra

[Christo]

I don't post my pic because of privacy issues. Someone would have to be very daft to think I'm the late Jackie Gleason. I do believe it's deceitful for someone to try to pass off another pic as their own. However, I don't believe that those who simply post a pic of a celebrity or such are trying to deceive unless it's clear they're pretending it's their own pic. I think many are just not yet comfortable enough with their appearance or passability to post their own pic. By choosing a pic of a person who is unambiguously male or female, they are expressing their gender as much as they can.   

lmao   you aint ur foto bro?  damn! lol    thoughtt u were that dude on ur avitar.  hehehhehe
I know some of u ar real 'cos I know u personal.  hehhehe u know who u ar.  >  beatiful inside & out.

[Berliegh]

Its a tricky issue.

Even Berliegh's pic (bleached out by overexposure) is designed to flatter  !

But the issue of "Trolls" coming on site and building false identities for voyeuristic reasons does worry me, especially as membership here is uncontrolled.  Sure few can sustain the deception but they can be dangerous before being exposed. 

It worries me too that "guests" viewing forums way outnumber contributing members .... and hence reason for people to doubly protect identity.  Being in the UK I feel shielded in a kind of way.

Long post but it kinda sums up my feelings  .

Laura x

Yea it does look bleached out but it wasn't deliberate and I took it myself holding the camera in front of me by the window. But because of your comment I have put another pic of me in my aviator. That did make me laugh designed to flatter...lol. 

[Laura Eva B]

Just IMHO - I hate talking to "cartoon characters" ... work, video conferencing, webcams, you tube, makes you appreciate that there is so much positive to be gained from communication when you have a "mental image" of the guy on the other side (guy in the unisex way !) ... even our work intranet telephone directory has avatars too ...

I need to know "reality" to be comfortable ... the more I know of someone and think I trust them as genuine, the more "open" I'm likely to be about my feelings.

Laura x

[Berliegh]

Sometimes, its the opposite, I feel that my picture rubs it in, because I was very lucky
and got nice looks.

So many strugle with various transition issues, including me (but not too much about how I look) and how can people really believe me when I say I still feel insecure about how I look, about life in general, I feel like someone will discover me to be a "fraud" and not authentic.

Some TS ask: how can someone looking like you have any problems? They look at my plight in disbelief, like I'm a crybaby for even having any problems because I look good!!! It deeply offends me considering how messed up I still feel I am inside. A women is not just skin,clothes and makeup, I'm much more than that. I need to be a rounded women, one that is a multi-hued and rich in promise as the fresh morning sun's shimmering light as it kisses the oceans's might.

It a really nice pic of you Keira and in no way does it rub it in. I would be quite pleased with a look like yours. I suppose if we all met up in a pub we woiuld find things wrong with all of us if we looked hard enough.

[Laura Eva B]

Yea it does look bleached out but it wasn't deliberate and I took it myself holding the camera in front of me by the window. But because of your comment I have put another pic of me in my aviator. That did make me laugh designed to flatter...lol. 

Berleigh, you look really good in that pic ! (the real you) but not quite the 101% pretty female that the previous pic suggested ... camera angles and lighting do play tricks ...

Me in real life :

http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Cousins_02.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Xmas_Dance_02.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Durham_01.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Malabar_Junct_01.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Duna_Corso.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Morning_Laura.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Out_of_bed.jpg
http://uk.geocities.com/laura_eva_b/Passport.jpg

(apologies if my limited web downwidth blocks download)

Yep ... that's me, warts 'an all !

As women we look different "month in month out", guys just remain resolutely the same (how sad and boring !).

Honesty you ask    !

Laura x

[Suzy]

Well, FWIW, I don't mind it when I see people who put an avatar pic up that they find inspirational.  That is, so long as they do not pretend it is them.  But I detest it when people put up an avatar and mislead others.    I know of a dear friend who was badly hurt this way by someone.  I know some people need to have fantasies, but don't do it at the expense of breaking someone's heart.  My avatars have changed with me, as many have seen.  It's my way of staying honest with the others here and with myself.

Kristi

[Mattie]

Thats why I have that little avatar of Satsuke hugging the Cat bus.  Its from a movie I love so it says something about me.