It's odd what they do NOT seem to notice

[Lesley_Roberta]

I live in a small town, so I live with small town thinking.

This is not by any stretch Younge and Bloor, if you look odd the whole town will see it.

But every time it is my 'new' hair. It was my hair even when it was merely me growing what I had long, which generally meant long at the back mainly as there wasn't much on top to be long. People notice the hair and ask why the hair?

And I am left to wonder, do we actually have so many men walking around with purses in this town and I just haven't noticed it?
It's clearly a purse, it is unmistakably a purse, it is so obviously not a computer bag or something to carry legal files from the office. It's not big enough to carry anything bigger than my Nexus 7. I actually bought the Nexus 7 so I could wear a purse that didn't look like a very fancy shopping bag.

I'm clearly wearing jewellery, and it is not big male like bulky manly jewellery, it's light, it's fine, its ornate, it is so obviously jewellery a woman would wear. And no one seems to see it. I have had a few comments, and yes it isn't invisible, but random people they call me sir and I am left to wonder, do I really LOOK like I want to be called sir? Do gay men get in a snit if you don't use sir I wonder (I have no idea). Do I look gay for that matter? I ask, because I have yet to actually ever see a gay male trying to look like a woman. I mean they likely dress better than most straight males, but they still don't look female in their clothes. A person wearing a female hair style, wearing a purse, wearing jewellery and if you get close enough, smelling like your wife, what are the chances they want to be called sir?

Are people just that dense, or are they simply that oblivious? Is it a case of TG is really so odd to the mind, that they can't even perceive us without the assistance of the hysterical in society thinking we are a dire threat in the bathroom and making a great deal of fuss.

Part of me is thinking, oh main street small town Canada is just too polite to come out and ask 'why do you look like that?'.
Because the alternative, it people are too stupid to connect the dots around here.

I simply have to be wrong, that it is common for men to carry purse looking bags and wear so much jewellery that jewellery in a man is no longer worth noticing.
Either that, or perhaps tits really are all that men think about when looking at women, and lacking breasts, their minds simply can't see anything else in addition to they would only be looking there anyway.
It would be pretty sad, if that is the only reason people call me sir, because I don't have boobs.

Maybe I should focus on getting something in the way of a chest artificially until such time as HRT comes to my rescue (and there is no reason to think it actually would or will). My first attempt at buying a nice top for a woman, has a decided lack in appeal all because there is no cleavage for my necklace to sit in and no breasts to fill out the top.
I'd probably be fine with the waist life insists on me accepting, if I had boobs above it.

[androgynouspainter26]

Don't over-think things; it might be a positive that they're NOT caught up in traditional gender roles.

[Beth Andrea]

It could be that the question, "Why the hair?" involves a "safe" part of your presentation, that doesn't involve gender or sexuality (which polite people don't bring up ordinarily). They may be thinking about all the other details, but don't feel comfortable asking.

Also, with male-female relationships, some men tend to think women look better without makeup, because it's seen as "false" and ego-driven; some people think a man wearing a wig has a similar reason. (Hence the number of "bad toupee" and "combover" jokes, nevermind for the moment that the person wearing those items don't see it as a joke.)

So, why the hair? Because I like it.

You may find the same kind of questions if/when you start using breast forms (not speaking from experience here)...Why the boobs?

Yes, people are...interesting.

[Shantel]

It could be that the question, "Why the hair?" involves a "safe" part of your presentation, that doesn't involve gender or sexuality (which polite people don't bring up ordinarily). They may be thinking about all the other details, but don't feel comfortable asking.

Also, with male-female relationships, some men tend to think women look better without makeup, because it's seen as "false" and ego-driven; some people think a man wearing a wig has a similar reason. (Hence the number of "bad toupee" and "combover" jokes, nevermind for the moment that the person wearing those items don't see it as a joke.)

So, why the hair? Because I like it.

You may find the same kind of questions if/when you start using breast forms (not speaking from experience here)...Why the boobs?

Yes, people are...interesting.

Good points Beth! And since Beth and I live in Washington state and are neighbors with the Canadians we can both attest to the fact that Canadians are inordinately civil acting as opposed to some of our own who will run you over in the crosswalk. So I think Beth's analysis is right on! Btw honey, get yourself some store bought boobs for the time being and let it all hang out! 

[ErinM]

Another Canadian here this time from a major city.

Even before I transitioned at work I wore some jewellery (earrings, rings) daily and would get compliments from the other women from time to time.

I had stopped actively trying to act male before I started to work there and there were smaller clues that the staff viewed me as an "atypical male".

When I transitioned at work, I took a week off so that management would have time to tell the staff what was happening.

When I returned I quickly found out that management didn't get around to telling everyone. Some people were still calling me by my old name and gendering me male despite wearing woman's cloths and no longer hiding my breasts.

I had to explain what was going on (on the sales floor none the less) and on at  least two occasions they noticed but were being polite and didn't want to ask.  My transitioning from male to female never crossed their minds. This was despite consistently passing in front of customers to the point they would seem confused when a staff member slipped up.

One said that she noticed I was "a little bumpy" up there, but didn't want to say anything and another said she just thought I was on some kind of medication (at least she was technically right  ).

[Night Haven]

I think most people look at sex characteristics to tell a person's gender (facial structure, silhouette) before turning to secondary or tertiary characteristics. Most people live in a heteronormative world, so they wouldn't expect to find someone who fits outside of what they're expecting a person to be, even if that person's presentation suggests that the assumption is wrong. For the same reason, people are more likely to stick with what they "know" another to be, so as not to suffer the embarrassment of offending someone dressing outside the norm; they wouldn't be familiar enough with trans* folks to know better than to assume.

It's part of what I've been wondering; if a person appeared to straddle the line between binary genders, wouldn't it be better to address them based on what they're presenting as, or even gender them opposite to what their secondary and tertiary sex characteristics suggest, because misgendering could potentially hurt a trans* individual but a cis person could brush off misgendering as a weird occurrence or foolishness of the other party part? (As an example, a person who could either be pegged as a butch lesbian or a transguy would be addressed as male, since the woman could excuse the migendering as something to joke about later on, whereas a transperson might still be developing the self esteem to go out dressed as their gender, and could be very hurt by the misgendering.)

But as long as we're a minority compared to the LGB community, I doubt we'd be extended this courtesy even if it's the one that's more likely to leave a misgendered party relatively unhurt. To me, it seems counterintuitive to assume everybody is the gender their sex characteristics betray they are, rather than focusing on presentation or even simply asking if the former option is too great of a task.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I want to mention here. In spite of all the bashing that seems to happen, I have actually in hmm 20 sum years of being online in addition to my paltry few times there in person, only met like hmm maybe 3 people from the US I had any troubles with at all. And they were all in the same group of miscreants too and on a forum that I suppose should have made it so obvious early on

I've never met an American in person that was worth the hate their government earns. I suppose it just means, I'll never like a US politician

[Beth Andrea]

I think most people look at sex characteristics to tell a person's gender (facial structure, silhouette) before turning to secondary or tertiary characteristics. Most people live in a heteronormative world, so they wouldn't expect to find someone who fits outside of what they're expecting a person to be, even if that person's presentation suggests that the assumption is wrong. For the same reason, people are more likely to stick with what they "know" another to be, so as not to suffer the embarrassment of offending someone dressing outside the norm; they wouldn't be familiar enough with trans* folks to know better than to assume.

It's part of what I've been wondering; if a person appeared to straddle the line between binary genders, wouldn't it be better to address them based on what they're presenting as, or even gender them opposite to what their secondary and tertiary sex characteristics suggest, because misgendering could potentially hurt a trans* individual but a cis person could brush off misgendering as a weird occurrence or foolishness of the other party part? (As an example, a person who could either be pegged as a butch lesbian or a transguy would be addressed as male, since the woman could excuse the migendering as something to joke about later on, whereas a transperson might still be developing the self esteem to go out dressed as their gender, and could be very hurt by the misgendering.)

But as long as we're a minority compared to the LGB community, I doubt we'd be extended this courtesy even if it's the one that's more likely to leave a misgendered party relatively unhurt. To me, it seems counterintuitive to assume everybody is the gender their sex characteristics betray they are, rather than focusing on presentation or even simply asking if the former option is too great of a task.

The difficulty is that "most" people don't cross gender lines (even if sometimes those lines are blurred; it used to be that only men--working class men--wore blue jeans...now everyone does)...so if they see any "outside the norm-ish" presentation, they're likely to go with the person's face/bone structure/etc.

What I would suggest is, rather than expect correct behavior from non-TG people, recognize that a misgendering is not usually malicious, it's genuine uncertainty on their part. This means we need to recognize it not as a hurting event, but as an opportunity to educate this one person on how you, as an individual, want to be treated.

They don't need to be awarded a Master's Degree in understanding the whole of the Transgender Realm, just a brief mention of what you'd like to be addressed as, and treated with respect.

I want to mention here. In spite of all the bashing that seems to happen, I have actually in hmm 20 sum years of being online in addition to my paltry few times there in person, only met like hmm maybe 3 people from the US I had any troubles with at all. And they were all in the same group of miscreants too and on a forum that I suppose should have made it so obvious early on

I've never met an American in person that was worth the hate their government earns. I suppose it just means, I'll never like a US politician

Keep in mind, our gov't is not ours. It belongs to Wall Street. An interesting read, not directly bearing on the US exclusively but on all governments is "The Lexus and the Olive Tree", by Thomas Friedman.

To paraphrase Pogo, "We have met the enemy Wall Street, and he they is us."

Americans, when face to face, are a pretty friendly group. When allowed to be anonymous, like in a car or online...can be--not always, and not mostly--can be quite selfish, mean, and rude.

I think we (and I) tend to focus on the few bad apples amongst us more than the good.