I really, REALLY want to give up

[evecrook]

I don't want to say my age right at the moment. but when I was 4 I knew I wanted to be female. Do to circumstances all my life I didn't transition. I should of. For myself I know its never going away. No matter what I do other then to transition. I finally can accept that realization. But looking at it in another way I have lived a long time as a man Its difficult your the only one that can answer this question Its hard.

[Jamie D]

I would just like to go back and address the opening post of this topic, from the perspective of living the gender dysphoria for decades.

You might be able to cope.  I did, in part because I was not cognizant of gender issues.  I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s.  Gender issues were not really on the radar.

You are 19 going on 20.  You have time to work things out in you mind - take it.

[big kim]

I was were you are when I was 21,I realised I was transexual and it wasn't going away.I lacked the confidence to transition,it was 1978 and there was no internet and attitudes to transexuals were much worse than today.All I knew about transexuals was pieces I'd read in seedy newspapers,I knew nothing  about hormones,electrolysis or speech therapy.I was already drinking too much lager and cider(never could drink spirits) and smoking dope,tobacco and taking speed to blot it all out.I put on a hyper masculine disguise,I drove muscle cars and rode bikes,I refused to buy a Harley Davidson Sportster my favourite bike as it had an electric start and was worried I might be "found out" if I no longer rode a Triumph Bonneville.I was cutting and skipping meals as well and in one disastrous relationship after another in the hope I would be"cured".I wasted 11 years when I should have sought help,in the end I transitioned 12 years later than I planned and it all went well.Do seek advice,maybe transition isn't the answer for you but please see about counselling ,therapy etc before making a decision one way or the other.I no longer smoke tobacco or do drugs and have an occasional drink, a bottle of pear cider or glass of wine with a meal is all I have now.