I'm out to my teachers, which is awesome. My parents still disapprove, rest of my family has no clue because they haven't seen me in years. Currently I'm waiting to gather my courage and tell the remaining couple of people who don't seem to understand that I'm not a girl, but I've entirely stopped thinking of myself as trans, which is a stress reliever for me- save for not wanting to fill out college applications or go to take official exams or be at physical therapy because the records have me as the wrong gender and I can't fix that on my own, not yet.
Though seriously, my parents have done nothing but cause issues. My dad told his friend, who told a psychiatrist he just happens to know. This was her response (which, by the way, was sent on my birthday and I happened upon while checking another email in the family account my mother has somewhat taken over):
[MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING HERE, PLEASE DON'T READ AHEAD IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS.]
She needs to be in psychotherapy - preferably with a psychiatrist - at least 3x a week. If this doesn't stop her suicidal ideation, she needs to be hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital.
As for a referral, here are some names of psychiatrists who do psychotherapy. Your friend can tell them I referred his daughter:
[redacted for names]
If they aren't available, call:
[also redacted] and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who does psychotherapy (not just brief monthly med visits).
Now, here's the awkward, but true, part ----
In my first book, Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them & When to Leave Them, I write about why women are attracted to bad boys.
It all starts with the relationship that the girl has with her dad - from the time she was born.. Depending upon the nature of her dysfunctional relationship with her dad, she is attracted to one (or more) of the 12 types of bad boys
I describe in my book.
At the risk of sounding self serving, I would definitely recommend that she and the family read my Bad Boys book. When they finish that, it would be helpful for them to read my Bad Girls
book, which continues the explanation as to how these girls may evolve.
I don't think that having a sex change is the answer. In fact, it would likely make her more suicidal.
She wants to be a boy because she believes that if she were a boy, she wouldn't get physically or sexually abused. But, it also runs deeper than this - and back to her relationship with her dad.
Her relationship with her mom plays a part, as well. There is some reason why she doesn't want to be female - and have a life like her mom's.
[/Trigger]
Nice birthday present. Thanks, guys.
Funny thing is, I'm not suicidal. They interpret it that way because I tend to be depressed when flat out told I'm wrong and insane and have smiling emoticons thrown in my face as if they're texting a five year old about why they can't fly to school on a Pterodactyl while wearing underwear on their head as a hat. When they do that, I point out how I may not be here soon (because I honestly don't know how much my health is deteriorating) and tell them it isn't really worth trying to fix my body if it's going to still be left with major issues.
I love how some random "professional" decided to diagnose me on the spot from a third hand account without ever having met me or seen my face. That doesn't seem very professional if you ask me. Some people.
ANYWAYS, other than legal woes and the same old with my parents, life is good. I pass everywhere, which I like. It gives me a sense of comfort, because I don't feel like people are attempting to classify me as a female anymore and it eases up my normally tense attitude, allowing my true colors as a bit of a laid-back prankster to shine through. Leading to me making friends and being chased down by girls XD
Note: Girls can be really annoying sometimes. Or a lot of the time. No offense to any here, but jeez.
P.S: Haven't had any hormone levels checked in a long time, but my body is going through odd changes. While my joints are getting worse, my muscles have become stronger, my body scent has changed (it's not bad, just...masculine. I like it.), my voice is still cracking and got a little deeper, I grew (and so did my feet, I need new shoes already even though I just bought new ones), and such odds and ends. Unless someone's been sneaking T into my system, I don't know why this is happening, but it makes me feel better about this, as if my body is trying to help out since I can't get HRT any time soon. It's not just my imagination either- in fact, I didn't even pick up on most of the changes I've been going through until friends and my mother pointed them out.
The school decided to have a strict gendered dress code for concerts as well. I poked fun at some of the girls in orchestra class, because they have to wear skirts and blouses ordered from a company through the school. Apparently if they prefer pants, they can wear them underneath the skirt.
I'll be laughing at those skirts come concert time, wearing my tuxedo.
