I may be trowed out at my school next friday.

[Natkat]

I feel rather depresive for the moment.
its difficult for me to get a job, money and get somewhere good.
I know this is common worldwide but it dosen't change the fact its frustrating.

2 years ago I left my bording school, in the school they say you should follow your dreams so I thought I wanted to do that, and keep studing on art, culture and japanese. Some of my friends got into some awsome schools and got there own apartment I also wanted that but I knew I needed money for my dreams to come true. so I went back to my hometown to get a job.

as you know its very difficult getting job specially if you dont have the best grade and is transgender, and 2 years, courses, school, and voluntery work later, I still feel haven't moved a meter from where I started.

the school im on now seamed to be something who could give me a pretty good future, they said I could travel abord for work and I would be on fancy events so I thought "cool I just leave this sh*t and go somewhere ells where transgender have better rights and I dont need to worry" after all it been something I thought for a long time that im going to leave when I get the chance.

But now I feel rather disappointed . one thing is I dont feel I can be myself on the school and dont feel its something for me. I joined the school so I wouldn't get on the wellfaresystem and originally I just wanted a small job on a cafe to own some money, but the schools is very serious on a higher basic for binary people who really want to be upper-class.
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It makes me depressing that my only motivaton to pretend im an normal upper-class and be there, is not to get back on the wellfare system. my parrents keep telling me that if I quit im just getting back on the bottom of sociaty, having nothing so therefore I keept going.-__-

beside it not being for me, the fancy event and working abourd which they school talked about reminds me more of slavery than a great chance. you been told and learn not to expect much, you are the group of people who die first of work exhausting and if you travel abord you must agree to become the companys slave, meaning we dont get much money, and we work really hard, and wont get any special credits for it.

im like WTF I did not join this to be a slave !

I talked with a couple of friends, which said I should just agree and be the slave so I could travel. another one said I was stupid for considered aplying for an art school insteed. she would rather play safe on having a job than being unsafe.
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Now I got depression and anxious and my absense had been very high, so next friday they are putting me to a meeting with my teacher and I may get trown out if I dont quit myself. I dont know whats going to happent but I think theres 80% that im quitting or being trowed out. I dont even know what to answer if she gives me the option if I should say I would continue or not?


im sorry for the vent, I just had to get it out as im not sure whats gonna happent with my life,
I considered abit of everything so far but the depression also play a part on my motivation.
maybe im just lazy and expect too much, I dont know, im just frustrated on how difficult its to be.
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thanks for reading btw.

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi baby! At my age I have lived through some of what you are going through and I can tell you one thing. You will get through this and be a much stronger person for it. I wish I could do more than an E-Hug (BIG HUG). I cant do anything other than that, but I can say PM me with any vents, problems or questions. Every day that I get a PM from one of my family members here gives me a smile for the rest of the day. Know that anything you tell me will be in the strictest confidence and no one will know, unless you say it is OK. You do not have to go through this alone, not in my family anyway. I know you are intelligent enough to make good decisions in your daily life and will make us all proud of you. Here's another "BIG HUG" for you my family member!  If that is not enough, here is a *HUGGLE* 

[Natkat]

Hi baby! At my age I have lived through some of what you are going through and I can tell you one thing. You will get through this and be a much stronger person for it. I wish I could do more than an E-Hug (BIG HUG). I cant do anything other than that, but I can say PM me with any vents, problems or questions. Every day that I get a PM from one of my family members here gives me a smile for the rest of the day. Know that anything you tell me will be in the strictest confidence and no one will know, unless you say it is OK. You do not have to go through this alone, not in my family anyway. I know you are intelligent enough to make good decisions in your daily life and will make us all proud of you. Here's another "BIG HUG" for you my family member!  If that is not enough, here is a *HUGGLE* 

Thanks I love hugs. and im happy for your suport.

[LordKAT]

I'm not sure what advice I can give you. Would taking a break from school be an idea? Time to re sort and re plan your future. Maybe take a trip and enter school in a new country to make transition stuff easier.

[VeronicaLynn]

You seem really smart, Natkat, I think you'll figure something out.

Since you are from a different country with a different education system I can't offer specific advice. I will say, all systems push the idea that you need to graduate from college in your early twenties and not take any breaks. This is never entirely true. I dropped in and out of college several times. I had classmates as late as their 70's. While it may be easier, and possibly cheaper to do it when you are young, you can do it later, if you really want it later.

I do think you are concerning yourself a bit too much with what the other students are thinking though. What does it matter? Your reason for being there is to get good grades and get a piece of paper that lets you hopefully get a better job. I know there is a cis-gender college dream of partying and having fun short term relationships and all that, that's not why you are there though, is it?

[Natkat]

I'm not sure what advice I can give you. Would taking a break from school be an idea? Time to re sort and re plan your future. Maybe take a trip and enter school in a new country to make transition stuff easier.

I can't ask for more break, if so I had already got one cause I got some infection where I need certain medication from german. which we dont have =/. but we are going to have 2 vacations, 1 for chirstmas and newyear and for studing before the exame in febuary, if I can keep up to that long I be fine.
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while being on the school im trying to re plan as much as posible, I really want to go to another country as mention Germany is available but then I must admit to work very hard and im not sure I can do that.
I am also looking at a school in sweden but havent got in contact with them yet, I may take a 1day trip there to check out if I can get into the school or not.

But no matter it all gonna depend on what my teacher tell me tomorrow =/ so well.. see..
wish me luck. *cross fingers*

I will say, all systems push the idea that you need to graduate from college in your early twenties and not take any breaks. This is never entirely true. I dropped in and out of college several times. I had classmates as late as their 70's. While it may be easier, and possibly cheaper to do it when you are young, you can do it later, if you really want it later.

I do think you are concerning yourself a bit too much with what the other students are thinking though. What does it matter? Your reason for being there is to get good grades and get a piece of paper that lets you hopefully get a better job. I know there is a cis-gender college dream of partying and having fun short term relationships and all that, that's not why you are there though, is it?

We dont really have collage here, we got something called gymasium which is as close as you get. Alot of people take it because it nessesarry to have if you want to get into universaty, but if you like me dont have this, then its also posible to study it later on diffrent kind of adult schools where you can take multiply or just single subjects you need.

true im not there to party but I dont think I concern to much about others, its more I compare myself to them and get disapointed on how far they got compared to me.
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[LordKAT]

I wouldn't worry about comparing yourself to others too much. They are not you and all people learn at different rates and have different problems. BTW college = University.

My fingers are crossed for you, too.

[Natkat]

I wouldn't worry about comparing yourself to others too much. They are not you and all people learn at different rates and have different problems. BTW college = University.

My fingers are crossed for you, too.

That's true.
hmm well, in that caise we do have universaty but no collage. yet somethimes it translated to collage like my school.
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Good news. I been talking to my psycoritrist yesterday and it went well, he told me to be honest today that I got anxiouty and depression which get in my way once in a while.

My teacher told me as I expected that im not allowed to have so much absence and I should promist that, But I told her honest that I couldnt do that cause my depression and anxious period happents out of the blue and I cant controll them. So insteed she made special rules that I should contact my student guide if I where sick and then I should promise to make an efford at least.
She said if its not good enough I could be removed to another class, take the class over or in worst caise not been counted ready for studying.

So basically she told me to man-up alittle and had me sign a contract but it was pretty mild compared to what I expected.
I dont know if I can keep going there without having too much absence but I have told her I would make an efford and I also have time with the psycoritrist who gonna help me with depression and anxious periods, so I think she know I do that.
meanwhile I still keep looking for what gonna happent in 2014. but even when im on the egde I am still in.. so yeah its good.

[LordKAT]

I'm glad you got a bit of a reprieve.