Why is Presentation Ignored?

[Adam (birkin)]

Well I'm glad I 'confessed' then.   Your feedback helps as I'd hate to cause anyone angst.

I'm glad you did too. Honestly, I couldn't hold it against anyone who would think to ask pronouns, because I know how a lot of really "out and proud" people really drive the whole "always ask" point home. Which is kind of a bad thing, for those of us who are further into transition and just feel the desire to live our lives unfettered. That's why I think it would be appropriate in a very "queer" setting because that's where most out people go for community - and, sometimes unfortunately, where many cis people get their information. I think though, those who are "out and proud" often forget that there are those who do prefer to blend in as soon as they are able. Honestly I feel pretty sorry for a lot of cisgender allies, because I know a lot have gotten angry responses from "queer" activists, and then they're left wondering how to refer to anyone when they don't know.

[aleon515]

I've introduced myself as *MR* and a very male first name and so on, and STILL had them call me ma'am. It's very frustrating. I think they are ignoring all but some cues they might be getting and the idea that there are butch lesbians with very male presentation. What's bizarre to me is being addressed as ma'am by one person and in the same place being addressed as sir. So I've come to think that it probably tells you more about the person doing the gendering. Still very odd and distressing.

--Jay

[Ms Grace]

You'd be amazed at how little some people actually listen to what they're being told. Sometimes they hear the exact opposite of what you say. Weird.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I think it is part clueless, part lack of education.

Ok I am not easy to mistake as female. No breasts doesn't help.

But then you counter with, what, do all the men in this town carry purses wear women's jewellery and women's hair styles?

How dumb can people actually be?

I suppose so many people simply can't comprehend that to some of us, you can be neither straight or homosexual.

Been thinking on that, and yeah I am neither straight or homosexual as the words are normally used by them.

[Lesley_Roberta]

You'd be amazed at how little some people actually listen to what they're being told. Sometimes they hear the exact opposite of what you say. Weird.

My wife drives me nuts with that

There's no way she could ever play the telephone game