Laser Beams at Work

[KabitTarah]

I have no idea if this is ARGHHH enough

I've been struggling with being in the closet to most... especially at work. I know I'm acting more feminine. I know some work friends are noticing things... I don't know how much noticing is going on.

This week, though, there has been a TON of noticing at work.

I just had my 3rd laser session and I look like an idiot. I can't shave well because it's tender... and the only place I'm getting hair now (on my neck, anyway) is where she just zapped me. I assume most of that hair will fall out, but right now it's red, breaking out, and has some shadow (especially by the time I leave - it just looks like tracks of facial hair to me).

I've gotten three questions about it already. One I just passed it off - it was the Monday after my session (Friday session) and the guy thought I'd gotten into a fight. The next guy, when I told him I was just breaking out, said I need to change my shaving cream - he sounded pretty dubious. And then today, one other person asked... and this actually went well.

So the last guy... I've got a thread about it somewhere... is the same one that looked at me and didn't give out the line we were all waiting for. I assume that was nothing (find the thread... something about paranoia in the "coming out" section). This time the same two people were there -- him and one other guy. The other guy is a facebook friend and someone I work closely with and talk to a lot... I can assume he thinks I'm gay - there have been signs of that, too (but again... I'm paranoid ).

This time... this guy (not on facebook) asked me about it. I said I was breaking out... now he knows I never used to shave, so he said that it can happen if you suddenly start shaving every day... and it should go away in a few days.

I'm not too worried about him - unless he's playing mind games, and I doubt it (he's pretty straight forward). But my friend that was there... he's heard half of these "what's wrong with your face" things (maybe not listening, but he certainly was for this one)... and he sees a lot of what's going on in my life. I really question how much he's thinking is going on.

To add to everyone's confusion, I put an HRC Equal Sign on my car (nobody will notice), and I shaved my arms (they're almost always 98% covered up).

Screw it. If anyone questions me, I don't care! It's not their business and I have a long, long ways to go, yet.

On the plus side... I'm starting to break out of my work slump! I love to just be busy at work, but I've been really stressed from home and being out (but not at work more stress) and actually doing much work is really hard for me right now.

It's a process. I'm making good progress on it!

[TerriT]

I went through this as well. I think somebody called it waffle face. I also had started waxing my arms around the same time. People at work noticed, and so did my friends, but I was mostly a recluse. I just kept my arms covered up, but obviously you can't just cover your face. I made sure my laser apt's were for friday afternoon so I could heal over the weekend. I would say I went through a 6-9 month period were my face was pretty beat up. But then people started commenting on how close my shave was lol. I pretty much just shrugged everything off. Nobody has said anything in a while though, probably because I have all sorts of other things happening. I think people are afraid of saying something these days.

It took me a while to show my arms though. Eventually, weather wins and now I hate covering them up.

[KabitTarah]

I went through this as well. I think somebody called it waffle face. I also had started waxing my arms around the same time. People at work noticed, and so did my friends, but I was mostly a recluse. I just kept my arms covered up, but obviously you can't just cover your face. I made sure my laser apt's were for friday afternoon so I could heal over the weekend. I would say I went through a 6-9 month period were my face was pretty beat up. But then people started commenting on how close my shave was lol. I pretty much just shrugged everything off. Nobody has said anything in a while though, probably because I have all sorts of other things happening. I think people are afraid of saying something these days.

It took me a while to show my arms though. Eventually, weather wins and now I hate covering them up.

I think people are afraid of saying anything, too. I think they're afraid of jumping to conclusions.

I'm SOOOOO glad I shaved my arms, though. It was the last bastion of hair... the last masculine feature that I could really notice about my presented body (below the neck).  I have months of naked arms in sweaters to prepare me for taking those sweaters off I doubt anyone will notice or care by that point... or I'll be considered gay or something anyway. I will be going through or even completed divorce by then, and I expect to be outed as or assumed to be gay (amongst friends or even others at work) when that happens.

And I'll still be working - that is, just working normally without all this funk I've been in. I'm getting back into it and it feels good to work normally again.

[Cindy]

I remember those days and then one of my staff took me for coffee and said, 'your finally transitioning aren't you!' Her daughter now calls me Aunty Cindy.

There is no hiding!!!

[KabitTarah]

I remember those days and then one of my staff took me for coffee and said, 'your finally transitioning aren't you!' Her daughter now calls me Aunty Cindy.

There is no hiding!!!

Thankfully I don't want to hide!
People will know something is up. . . it's just that fully transitioning is about a year (or slightly more) away.

[Cindy]

Nah, it is when it happens.

You are transitioning now.

You no longer control the time scale. You think you may

[KabitTarah]

Nah, it is when it happens.

You are transitioning now.

You no longer control the time scale. You think you may

LOL... I'm one masculine, T-filled woman right now
At least I'll be getting rid of one of those traits sooooooon....

Yeah... I'm in transition, though and loving my half of it! (You know... the selfish internal part... the external, other-people-who-know stuff is seethingly quiet right now).

[Eva Marie]

I'm having laser sessions right now and fortunately I haven't had any skin reactions so far. Maybe the laser tech doesn't have it set high enough 

I'm like you in that I can't believe that no one at work has noticed the femme changes in my appearance lately - Even I can clearly see it so maybe they are noticing it too? Who knows.

When I began the laser treatments I knew that coming in to work looking like I had been in a bar fight was a possibility, so I thought about what I'd say if that happened - gotta keep the rumor mill in check. I decided that it's really no ones business and if pressed I'd say that I have a skin condition that flares up periodically (about every six weeks as a matter of fact LOL....)  and that's it. Any further questioning about it and I'd just play dumb - ie: "What? Oh I have no idea about what causes it.".

[KabitTarah]

I like to come up with convincing truths. I'm not lying, but people can come to their own conclusions. So I say I'm breaking out. It's true, and nobody needs to know why

You're lucky, but I don't think it's the Laser. My tech said the "turn up the power" thing is a myth - that the machine is set to skin type and any attempt to increase the power can result in burns. I have no idea if that's true... but sessions 1 and 3 appear more effective than session 2 (or maybe they just hurt more).

That one guy I'm friends with, though . . . I see that getting complicated quickly. I often make jokes and sometimes, now that I think about it afterward, they sound really . . . gay. For example - he mentioned via e-mail that he had to make some pie charts... so I responded "Mmmm... my favorite are banana crème pie charts. I did not add the accent... stupid outlook is français." ("creme" was autocorrected to "crème" - I added the ç).

I really do like banana creme pie best... but maybe I shouldn't be using "banana" and "creme" in the same sentence with someone who probably already thinks I'm gay

The funniest part, aside from my cluelessness, is that I really am gay - and don't like men like that (yet?)... now THAT should make for some interesting truths (well... lies by omission).

[KabitTarah]

Wow... I just either got gender questioned or totally checked out at work. Some telephone line worker is in the hallway here. I left my office to use the bathroom and I not only saw him looking at me, but saw him turn as I walked past.

Weird feeling... I'll have to get used to that, but it doesn't feel bad . . . it's just a little scary!

Going to have to post this to the happy/sad thread too.

[Beth Andrea]

Cool, sounds like you're having an awesome time of it!