No, it's probably not what you think.
Today I was hanging out my brother and his girlfriend. She is the kind of girl that I always wanted to be. She's cool, she's stylish, and she loves playing video games. She's also the only person I know in real life outside of my immediate family that knows that I am transgender. It's been bugging me a lot lately that even though I've dropped any efforts I might have been making to look masculine when I'm at home, I'm still not nearly where I think I need to be to be able to go out in public and be recognized as female. So I have very few sources of objective feedback as far as transitioning goes. Before she left today, I told her that I was really questioning whether I should completely transition, because more that anything else I wanted to make sure that I would make sense as a girl. As far as I'm concerned, even if transitioning is something I want to do, if people wouldn't see me as a girl without me forcing myself to act in a way that was unnatural, transitioning would be the wrong thing to do. I would just be putting on a different kind of act, and that's really no better than what I've been doing.
But her response was quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. She said she thought the way I acted was cute, and that she had no doubt whatsoever that it wouldn't seem unnatural if I were to present as female. I have never been called cute by a girl in my entire life. This is not situation under which I had originally envision it happening, but somehow this feels about a million times better anyway. Having someone like her saying she would have no problems seeing me as a girl is the biggest boost to my confidence I have had in a long time. I'm still not going to make my final decision about transitioning until the beginning of next year when I can see a therapist, but let's just say the scales are starting to tip.
