Stealth or open?

[Nicolette]

Some of us aren't even post-op.. I've slipped away from the community, I'm busy living my life and see no need to advertise..

I almost forgot that the so-called 'community' even exists. lol. Pre-op, I never talked about my 'past'. I am an extremely private person. I'm not sure what being post-op has anything to do with stealth.

[Katie]

I almost forgot that the so-called 'community' even exists. lol. Pre-op, I never talked about my 'past'. I am an extremely private person. I'm not sure what being post-op has anything to do with stealth.

I believe she was referring to something I was talking about. That being one learning to keep their mouths shut and not talk to other people about being trans. Bare in mind I never used the word stealth. I just was talking about not telling people.

As a matter of fact in my life I would never use the phrase stealth. The reason being I have no idea to what extent people figure me out. I just don't have that feedback that I used to have when I was early in transition. What I do do is never talk to people about being trans.

At some point in my journey I realized I really was the woman I knew I was. At that point I came to realize that it was kind of silly to advertise that I was trans if I was a woman.

I choose to be just a woman.

Katie

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

"Stealth or Open ?" Yes to both...

Metta Zenda 🙂

[boddi]

Only you can answer this question, unfortunately.  You must do some soul-searching.  Make a list of the pros and cons for both stealth and being open.  Personally, I like to live stealth except with family/friends.   It is unfortunate and true that often people do find out in the long-term anyway.   Plus it is far nicer not to have to hide who you are.  But then, on the other hand, people never 'get it'.  They consider MTFs gay men and FTMs lesbians, even though, of course, there are innumerable MTF lesbians and FTM gay men.  People also make assumptions and stereotype us, so I can see an argument for stealth.   Time to make that pros and cons list for each, babe ....

[evecrook]

I'm not totally sure the exact meaning of stealth. I do know open though. I live in a downtown area by a university. I'm taking baby steps to change. I've live in the same place for 15 years and don't plan to move. when I go full time Its going to be pretty obvious. It's a small downtown.

[Alainaluvsu]

I believe she was referring to something I was talking about. That being one learning to keep their mouths shut and not talk to other people about being trans. Bare in mind I never used the word stealth. I just was talking about not telling people.

As a matter of fact in my life I would never use the phrase stealth. The reason being I have no idea to what extent people figure me out. I just don't have that feedback that I used to have when I was early in transition. What I do do is never talk to people about being trans.

At some point in my journey I realized I really was the woman I knew I was. At that point I came to realize that it was kind of silly to advertise that I was trans if I was a woman.

I choose to be just a woman.

Katie

This is the boat I'm in. I'm not too sure if many people around me know, but I don't talk about it unless the subject comes up and I'm sure they know. I've been working at my job for 3 months now, and I'm not too sure anybody knows yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if somebody looked me up on Facebook and noticed all of my transsexual friends that I don't hide and put it together. It doesn't matter, because everybody still treats me as female; my male bosses still call me the same pet names that they call all of their other female employees. Honestly I'd like to keep it that way, so even if my company DOES know ... I'm not going to advertise it.

[boddi]

Cherie: you echo my sentiments exactly.  I can totally relate to your saying people being overly respectful to the point of oily.  Patronizing, and in my experience, is usually (not always) insincere.  Fake and forced inclusions in girly socials etc make us feel like a freak, as you say.  Plus, like you, I pass very well, and I actually think that in many ways that makes it harder for both us and the ''discovering'' party when they find out.  People are intrigued on how you could possibly be so feminine, and yes, they do scan your body and analyse it.  Not nice for us to have to endure.    I say you should get out of there if you can. Move!   If you want to chat, I'm here.  Anybody, not just you 🙂

[WFane]

I guess I'm in a "we'll see" stage. I'm getting a new job soon, and I'd like to be hired... I feel I have a better chance of being hired if I present male, and then transition full time female while on the job. Its a cubicle job, so I don't see anyone screwing with me too bad.

As far as going full time and weather or not I'm gonna go stealth or not goes... Well, I don't know anyone who didn't know me as a male previously lol. So Its a little difficult to go stealth. I know people are gonna talk to new people, and crap's gonna probably fly, so I can't go into this not expecting it. But for now, what I'm gonna do is ignore the fact that I ever was presenting as male. I'm a woman, always have been, and its unfortunate that up until now I've been "under cover" so to speak.