hi tamara,
my name s kelly and i am new to the forum. i have been reading a lot of posts here and i love it. all the girls provide excellent tips on how best to navigate the pink fog.
i decided to post here because i feel exactly the same way you do and i have the same wants and desires. i have been underdressing on and off for a long time (panties, nose and now bras) and i would like to start hrt to feminize my body and bring it more in line with how i feel about myself. like you, not sure however i want to be a woman but i need to explore that possibility. i read a lot and reread all posted about this and there seems to be a consensus that hrt cannot or should not be done half-way. simply way too much burden both psychologically and physically. but... i am nonetheless willing to try it like you.
i want my breasts to grow and my body to assume a more feminine appearance. how big would i want my breasts? i think i'd be happy with a good b cup for a start. and yes learningtolive and cindy are right, if we stopped how could we live with breasts as a male for example? for me, a non-issue. i have gyno to some extent and already feel i have something there. if what i now have were bigger and rounder it would still be ok. i love to wear a bra in drab (a or b cup depending on band size) and do so often, i like push-ups as i wish to project some. it is only if i wanted c cups where that would become a problem. but who knows, maybe once i get going i will find the road down that path delicious and i might not want to stop...and that is the main issue we have to grapple with. kind of scary in fact. would we then ready for life-changing consequences? re the other effects of hrt, from what i read, all the feminization that could take place would be absolutely awesome even if they stayed from hip fat redistribution (i.e., a rounder behind), a softening of the face and a more controlled libido.
tamara we seem to be a minority in wanting to do this and i sometimes feel that other girls can be very judgmental about this. so take their answers with that in mind. you only have one life to live and you should pursue your dreams of happiness even if it means being genderfluid.