Crossroads

[Jace]

I'm about to graduate high school soon and I'm deciding what I want to do with my life. It feels as if I'm almost at a crossroads of sorts. If I choose illustration/computer animation I can come out and hopefully start to transition. If I choose ballet I have to stay in the closet for another 10-15 years as if I pursue ballet I will be doing it as a girl. It feels like I'm choosing between two different things that will make me happy. One would be fulfilling a dream and the other finally being me.

I'm leaning towards ballet at the moment. I get so caught up in it and despite staring at a mirror all week I get little to no dysphoria as long as I keep going to class. It's only when I have a day off that it starts to get to me again. I feel as if I'll regret it if I don't try to become a dancer but I also feel I'll regret missing out on life in my 20s as a male. It's like some great big ironic joke as I remember when I first started dance and finding out how much I loved it that I prayed/promised/bargained/whatever that I would give up anything to become a professional dancer. Never expected it to be this.

Why can't life just ever be easy?

[LordKAT]

Why can't you do ballet as a man?

[Joe.]

Why can't you do ballet as a man?

I second this. If you haven't watched the film Billy Elliot, I really recommend it.

[Jace]

Classical ballet is hard to get into as someone who started at age 4. I started when I was 15. Adding transgender into that mix just ain't gonna work out. They've just now stopped being racist. Plus I really love the female role in ballet and pointe and ballet would not be the same for me without it. I'm not gonna lie tutus are rad as heck and I do enjoy dancing as a female.

I've thought about this, it just wouldn't work. Maybe contemporary companies would work, but I really want to dance classical.

[Joe.]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind    The fact that you have asked though means that there must be a bit of doubt in your mind about ballet. Have you tried weighing up the pros and cons of each?

[Lauren5]

Can't you go to university to study dance and ballet?

[Jace]

Yeah, art overall would be a better course. I'd have a job most likely, I'd be able to transition, I can still dance on the side, and I would be able to move to a new state next year already.

Ballet the only real pro is that I'm following my dream, also that it's a small window and if I don't do it now it won't be there later. College has no age limit.

Got to follow your dream I guess, I don't think enough people do and I don't want to be laying in a nursing home one day wishing I followed mine. Yet I also don't want to be there wishing I transitioned earlier.

Ya know what I'm just gonna be like Balian Buschbaum, be famous as an athlete then become a rocking model.

[Joe.]

I respect you for following your dream. As you said, not a lot of people do. It makes sense about the age limit thing. I hate to say this (I'm just throwing ideas out there to try and help you come to the best decision) but if you don't make it big in ballet,  pwill you regret delaying your transition? I have all the faith that you will make it, I'm just looking at everything. 

If you were to flip a coin, heads being following your dream of ballet, tails being transitioning now and doing animation, as soon as you flip the coin, in your gut what would you be hoping it lands on?

[Jace]

Can't you go to university to study dance and ballet?

That's what I eventually plan to do unless I get an apprenticeship in a company. But I need to take a year to focus on technique here at home first. Dance degrees aren't really needed unless you want to teach. They care more about how good of a dancer you are, which can be achieved through a university or just by taking classes at a very good studio. My studio in town is very good and affordable so there is no reason for me to try to go elsewhere at the moment.

[Jace]

I respect you for following your dream. As you said, not a lot of people do. It makes sense about the age limit thing. I hate to say this (I'm just throwing ideas out there to try and help you come to the best decision) but if you don't make it big in ballet,  pwill you regret delaying your transition? I have all the faith that you will make it, I'm just looking at everything. 

If you were to flip a coin, heads being following your dream of ballet, tails being transitioning now and doing animation, as soon as you flip the coin, in your gut what would you be hoping it lands on?

Heads, haha. Though regretting not transitioning earlier is one thing I'm worried about or that I'll get to be a pro and realize I'm still not happy because of my gender. Honestly though dance is the one thing that keeps me sane right now, if it wasn't for it I'd be a lot more depressed than I am and I'm not sure if I would even had made it through the last few years. It's been a life saver for me.

But art was my dream as a kid and logically it's better. But then again I've never been very logical. I do think I will take some college art classes here in town if I do stay. So I'm trying to make the best of both worlds, yet I just can't shake this feeling that I'm at this crossroads that will shape my life.

[Lauren5]

That's what I eventually plan to do unless I get an apprenticeship in a company. But I need to take a year to focus on technique here at home first. Dance degrees aren't really needed unless you want to teach. They care more about how good of a dancer you are, which can be achieved through a university or just by taking classes at a very good studio. My studio in town is very good and affordable so there is no reason for me to try to go elsewhere at the moment.

It all depends what is more important of a dream to you; being a man, or ballet.
My decision was made for me. My physique is no longer good enough to be a professional athlete, so woman it is. As for occupation, I'll figure that out as I go.

[Joe.]

I feel for you man. You're at that tricky age where it feels like your life will be over if you don't make the right choice. Trust me, I've been there. If you feel that strongly about ballet then I say go for it. However, there's nothing stopping you from doing it as a hobby. It sounds like whatever you do there is going to be a chance of regret so its about working out what regret you can cope with more: the regret of not transitioning or the regret of not doing ballet. Both have the possibility of being big, but only you know yourself what one you can live with best.

[Jack_M]

Well I'll tell you what I'd tell anyone else, animation is a terrible career choice right now. Schools are churning out boat loads of animators and there's no jobs! Getting that first job is becoming impossible outside of Asia and even there, they're not in high demand. For someone who hasn't even started, it's not adviseable.  There are tons of insanely talented artists, artists I know, with experience in major shows or games who can't get jobs even when asking for wages that barely match mine and I do just above entry level work!  I work in VFX so I have a lot of animator friends. Many have quit to go back to school, are doing evening courses for something else or just unemployed and depressed.

However, that being said, what exactly would your plan for ballet be? Like you've pointed out, you've not bring doing it that long so you're at a disadvantage and unfortunately highly unlikely to be much competition compared to those that have been doing it since they could stand. For example, at 15 most athletes had already been scouted, were aiming for scholarships already or playing for feeder teams having trained most of their lives.  They're not just starting then. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, it's awesome that you love something so much but whereas I could see what you were thinking with regards to a career in animation, I'm not sure what your future plans would be with regards to making a living from doing ballet unless you maybe want to teach.  Is that likely to be in high demand? And I think that has to be the decider for you.

There's always ways to continue something you love more as a hobby. I live for Taekwon-do and I want to continue with that and teach. I train every day and attend class 3 times a week but I also have a full time job & went to school to get the qualifications for that job while keeping up my training. From what you're saying, I think you should always do what you love, but without a way to make a career out of what you love, it's perhaps more advisable to continue it more as a hobby on top of real work.  Not just in terms of finances but also because anything like ballet is a short lived skill. It's all downhill getting into late 20s.

[aleon515]

Well I don't know, it actually sounds like you REALLY want to go into ballet. I think your time frame  for ballet is very limited. There are dancers who are older, but they are mostly teaching dancing and not dancing.

The time frame to transition is unlimited (pretty much). It can wait, though in my experience when you NEED to transition you will NEED to do it. Regretting not transitioning earlier, I guess I don't do regret. If I did regret, I would have a LOT of problems right now.

--Jay

[Bimmer Guy]

Do the ballet.  When not transitioning is no longer tolerable, then give up the ballet and transition.  You must be pretty damn amazing if professional ballet is an actual option since you didn't start until age 15.  Good luck to you.

[aleon515]

Do the ballet.  When not transitioning is no longer tolerable, then give up the ballet and transition.  You must be pretty damn amazing if professional ballet is an actual option since you didn't start until age 15.  Good luck to you.

I tend to feel the same way. I think when you NEED to transition might be the time to do it.

--Jay

[Jace]

Thanks for all the support guys. It really means a lot.

Ballet is pretty far fetched dream, but I've made amazing progress enough to almost be caught up with the highest level at my studio(many of whom go on to study dance and perform). I have the "ballet" body as well as being very flexible and strong so that's really my one advantage. If it doesn't work out though I'll just go back to college and if art doesn't work out well I'll just become a librarian. It's like bad plan A, bad plan B, and ok plan C. Gonna make so much money. 

[Joe.]

Thanks for all the support guys. It really means a lot.

Ballet is pretty far fetched dream, but I've made amazing progress enough to almost be caught up with the highest level at my studio(many of whom go on to study dance and perform). I have the "ballet" body as well as being very flexible and strong so that's really my one advantage. If it doesn't work out though I'll just go back to college and if art doesn't work out well I'll just become a librarian. It's like bad plan A, bad plan B, and ok plan C. Gonna make so much money. 

Don't worry about the money aspect. As long as it pays the bills, you're basically getting paid to do something you love. It won't even feel like work. I believe in you man.