Trans unhappy forever ?

[Sacha]

Before transition, trans feel dysphoric to not be able to express who they are or at least think they are.

After transition, trans feel depressed and bad because of social rejection that seems to be everywhere unless you pass at 100% (which would imply to spend big money and endure much pains) and never tell anyone you are trans. So still not really being yourself.

Do I sup up well the life of trans women ?

[V M]

No, not really because that is too generalized and somewhat marginalizing of the trans community imo

All people are different, live in different areas and have different experiences 

[Carrie Liz]

It's not an inevitability, and definitely not universal by any means. But it does happen to some trans people who go into transition with unrealistic expectations on quality of life improvement post-transition. If you look at transition as this magical thing that is going to solve every single one of your life's problems and make you every bit as normal and perfect as the idealized image of the opposite sex that you have in your head, you're inevitably going to be disappointed afterward, unless you are EXTREMELY biologically blessed.

I personally think the key is going into it with an attitude of knowing that it's an imperfect process, and being willing to accept that imperfection as being a part of who you are. People respect that. I don't think it's any coincidence that most of the happiest post-transition people I know are ones who are involved in alternate lifestyles, ones who aren't worried about fitting into mainstream society and its ideals. Where the most miserable trans people I know are the ones who sit in bed all day whining about how they're not perfect and using their trans status and their lack of "normality" as an excuse to sit on the sidelines of life.

[Sacha]

It's not an inevitability, and definitely not universal by any means. But it does happen to some trans people who go into transition with unrealistic expectations on quality of life improvement post-transition. If you look at transition as this magical thing that is going to solve every single one of your life's problems, you're inevitably going to be disappointed afterward.

I personally think the key is going into it with an attitude of knowing that it's an imperfect process, and being willing to accept that imperfection as being a part of who you are. People respect that.

I am not talking about self non acceptance because you don't find yourself enough this or too much that. I know that many trans have also this issue of never seeing themselves enough not man to be happy

But about social rejection that you can not change and that is objective.

Even if you are ok to be trans and do not hunt any masculine feature in yourself and so accept that you are trans and not female, people will not accept you much as the society is binary. For them you remain a male so a man, even if you look feminine. And most think that changing sex is perv, sin, crazy...

Of course a trans who pretends to more woman than female and will try to be a Barbie doll with tones of surgery because he hates himself will not project a good image. But even a happy trans, self accepting as a trans will be seen as lunatic.

[Northern Jane]

Being post-op trans isn't much different from being normal-born. You face all the same relationship and life issues that everyone else faces. Some people have good luck and an easy life and others have more struggles. If you are stealth, there is a certain degree of stress about what happens if anybody finds out and if you aren't total stealth you are sometimes not sure of how others see you - same goes for intimate relationships, to tell or not to tell?

I was effectively stealth for 15 years, only my doctor and my husband knew until somebody breached medical confidentiality and rumours spread. It was almost a relief in some ways. Some of my close friends couldn't believe it and it didn't change the way they treated me or thought about me. I lost some casual friends but felt a lot more relaxed because there were no secrets.

Sure, there are some complications of being trans but I found that my abusive childhood had far more effect on my life than my medical state; I had all the same issues that most abuse-survivors have and wish I had looked after them earlier but, coming up on 40 years post-op, I have to say that life was/is pretty normal.

It doesn't really matter anyway. As trans, I was on the brink of suicide before SRS became available and I wouldn't have had ANY life without SRS/transition so what I have is WAY better than what I would have had otherwise.

[Cindy]

My apologies if I get this wrong, there is no ill intent,

I think you maybe early on this path. I have no perception of being male, I'm accepted. I see myself as, not a normal woman, but as an exceptional woman. I do so with pride.

I and many successfully transitioned woman (several in this thread BTW)  can, and do walk away from sites like this, because we no longer need these places. We stay to help. We need little or no help ourselves.

In a way the success of being transgender is that no one knows. I'm not in stealth but no one just no one regards me as any more or less than a powerful woman.

Do I have personal doubt? No way. Does my society and men and women treat me as I should be? Absolutely.

Is this what you meant?

C

[Donna Elvira]

My apologies if I get this wrong, there is no ill intent,

I think you maybe early on this path. I have no perception of being male, I'm accepted. I see myself as, not a normal woman, but as an exceptional woman. I do so with pride.

I and many successfully transitioned woman (several in this thread BTW)  can, and do walk away from sites like this, because we no longer need these places. We stay to help. We need little or no help ourselves.

In a way the success of being transgender is that no one knows. I'm not in stealth but no one just no one regards me as any more or less than a powerful woman.

Do I have personal doubt? No way. Does my society and men and women treat me as I should be? Absolutely.

Is this what you meant?

C

I'm not quite where Cindy is at but very close and for me, what she says is very very true.  Unless they are strongly motiviated to help others, the numerous trans men and women who have successfully transitioned generally don't stay on forums like this.
This means the perception one can have of what life is like as a trans woman reading the posts here is seriously skewed by the fact that most participants are only just starting out on the road or part of the segment that really does encounter all the issues mentioned by the original poster.
Personally whether it be with family, friends or at work (where there is still a little way to go for me) life continues much as before the only difference being that I am at last really me and the people who have known me for a long time would pretty well all agree that the me they see now is a far more relaxed and pleasant person than the me they knew before.
Warm regards
Donna 

[Carrie Liz]

...people will not accept you much as the society is binary. For them you remain a male so a man, even if you look feminine. And most think that changing sex is perv, sin, crazy...

...But even a happy trans, self accepting as a trans will be seen as lunatic.

I really don't think you're giving people enough credit here. You'd be surprised what people are willing to accept when the person in question is open about it, confident in who they are, and willing to take everything with a grain of salt. Yes, there are always a few intolerant bigots in the world, but you'd be surprised how much of a minority they are.

I'm just saying, being confident in yourself tends to lead to other people responding well, and even if they don't understand why you're doing what you do, they're willing to accept it because it clearly works for you. Where insecurity and uncertainty tends to lead to people seeing you as a confused individual who doesn't know what they're doing

[bethany]

Even if you are ok to be trans and do not hunt any masculine feature in yourself and so accept that you are trans and not female, people will not accept you much as the society is binary. For them you remain a male so a man, even if you look feminine. And most think that changing sex is perv, sin, crazy...

Of course a trans who pretends to more woman than female and will try to be a Barbie doll with tones of surgery because he hates himself will not project a good image. But even a happy trans, self accepting as a trans will be seen as lunatic.

Yes society might look at you that way, but that does not alter the fact that I am happier, more confident, and over all in a much better state of mind. I honestly do not care what others think of me; what does matter is how I feel about myself. And I never in my life felt better.

[kelly_aus]

Before transition, trans feel dysphoric to not be able to express who they are or at least think they are.

Before transition, I was miserable, depressed excuse for a humna being..

After transition, trans feel depressed and bad because of social rejection that seems to be everywhere unless you pass at 100% (which would imply to spend big money and endure much pains) and never tell anyone you are trans. So still not really being yourself.

Do I sup up well the life of trans women ?

About the only thing that has caused me depression since I started my transition is the death of my partner. I don't really get any social rejection because I'm trans.. I don't think I pass 100% but there are people in my life who have no clue I'm trans. Ask me a direct question, I'll give you a straight answer, but I don't go around advertising.

I live my life as me.. A non-op lesbian.. A happy one.

[KabitTarah]

Cindy & Donna are my role models 

I'm early on... and I look at it like this.
When I was closeted (to myself) I had a great life. I love my wife, love my kids, love my job... and everything was going well. My health wasn't terrible, but it was getting poorer and that's something I've wanted to fix for well over 10 years.

I came out of the closet (to myself) because I realized it was causing my health problems. I realize the truth in that even more now (obesity cuts testosterone approx in half - so it's truly self medicating with food). Once I was out, I couldn't go back in else I would have destroyed myself in one way or another (I'm not talking suicide).

I know I will probably have been happier before, when I was closeted. It was a good life... but it was a false one. My family was real, but I was not - nearly everything was muted: all emotion, all action. Luckily I'm good at what I do, but even that could be better (and probably will be).

Now I am growing as a person, I can have emotions - including pain, sadness, and happiness. All of these things were nearly completely absent before. I can show compassion where I had none. I can grow as a feminist - which is something I considered myself long before coming out.

Pain, sadness, and rejection will exist but so will happiness and love. These are the same costs all people pay to live fully. The costs for us are just more at the surface and more acute than for the cisgender.

Societal rejection is also lessening significantly over time. This change is happening rapidly now.

[Heather]

I am not talking about self non acceptance because you don't find yourself enough this or too much that. I know that many trans have also this issue of never seeing themselves enough not man to be happy

But about social rejection that you can not change and that is objective.

Even if you are ok to be trans and do not hunt any masculine feature in yourself and so accept that you are trans and not female, people will not accept you much as the society is binary. For them you remain a male so a man, even if you look feminine. And most think that changing sex is perv, sin, crazy...

Of course a trans who pretends to more woman than female and will try to be a Barbie doll with tones of surgery because he hates himself will not project a good image. But even a happy trans, self accepting as a trans will be seen as lunatic.

If you base all your happiness on how other people see you, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. I can't control how other people see me and I don't want to either. I haven't experienced the social rejection you speak of but the people that would reject me I don't care to socialize with so I could care less whether they see me as male or female as long as they stay out out of my life.
I will admit transitioning is not for everybody I was lucky transitioning has made my life 1000% better and I'm happy. Now am I happy all the time? No but even when I'm down I know I would never go back to the way it was before.