Running into people who knew you before transition

[SI3]

Just curious as this is a hard thing to search up lol. I've experienced this a lot as I know a lot of people who have friends in common with me as well as I go to the same college I went to before transitioning (I switched programs though) I just ran into someone in the elevator who was in my program and I tried to just look away but he made conversation and it was okay I just felt awkward because he last saw me at like 3 and a half months on T and I'm now 11.

I just never know how to deal with these situations. I still have friends who know my situation who just dont grasp the concept of calling me he and Ive found I just avoid social situations with people who do this. In fact I'm missing my best friends birthday party this weekend because she invited a girl who always says she and then says she understand when I talk with her or correct her but just continues to not even try. People who dont know about me are going and I know even if I'm not there she'll probably ask "why didnt she come" thus outing me. Another annoying factor is there is a gay guy (very out and proud type) who always gets defensive and asks why I dont want people to know and seemed amused by the fact a girl in my class outed me to people.

Sorry if this was all over the place I'm just frustrated because I feel like so many people I hear from have all this respect and everyone around me says I'm too demanding when half the time I don't say anything about their mistakes.

Also how do you deal with those people who you maybe saw once every while at parties or whatever or past co-workers? I've just not been telling people unless I see them often.

[Shaina]

Hi SI3!

First, your post was not all over the place!

Second, I think yours is a situation a lot of people have to deal with during or after their transition. The only recommendation I could make is finding a balance between avoidance and confrontation. I think you're right to want to avoid those that make you uncomfortable by misgendering you or-worse!-deliberately outting you. (<---So sorry that's happened to you!) As transition is already a difficult time, there's nothing wrong with steering clear of people that might make it more difficult for you.

But (there's always a but lol) I would not want you to avoid something as important as your friend's birthday party simply because of one insensitive girl. Her ignorance is representative of attitudes trans guys often encounter and sometimes you just have to confront those uncomfortable situations head on. If she refuses to see you as the great guy I'm sure you are then it's her loss but don't make it yours by missing your bestie's bash!

I hope this all works out for you and I'm certain it will only get easier with time. 

[SI3]

Hi SI3!

First, your post was not all over the place!

Second, I think yours is a situation a lot of people have to deal with during or after their transition. The only recommendation I could make is finding a balance between avoidance and confrontation. I think you're right to want to avoid those that make you uncomfortable by misgendering you or-worse!-deliberately outting you. (<---So sorry that's happened to you!) As transition is already a difficult time, there's nothing wrong with steering clear of people that might make it more difficult for you.

But (there's always a but lol) I would not want you to avoid something as important as your friend's birthday party simply because of one insensitive girl. Her ignorance is representative of attitudes trans guys often encounter and sometimes you just have to confront those uncomfortable situations head on. If she refuses to see you as the great guy I'm sure you are then it's her loss but don't make it yours by missing your bestie's bash!

I hope this all works out for you and I'm certain it will only get easier with time. 

Thanks for the reply There always is a but lol very true. I do agree with your advice of balancing between avoidance and not being totally avoidant as I am lately feeling like a bit of a hermit.Sometimes it's just nice to hear I'm not the only one dealing with stubborn people.

[rexyrex]

I know how you feel, i bumped into someone who knew me as before and the last time i saw her was like 2 years ago, she still remembers me even though i have been on T for nearly 12 months :s it makes me wonder and was really hoping that i wont be recognise. She was a little confuse and i had to tell her but she was fine, but i do worry she might out me by using the wrong pronounce.

So all i can say is just hold your head up high and hope that nothing will out you. This girl who been invited, maybe talk to her or get your best friend to talk to her and let her know that your feeling uncomfortable with using the wrong pronounce?

I sort of have to live with this everyday but you get stronger each time as you wont see them everyday as long they just keep it to them selfs.

[aleon515]

I did run into someone, she looked at me like she was trying to figure out what was with me, and I said "Are you ____" and I knew she was, just to give her some time. It felt awkward but I just kept going, that I go by x now and so on. And we actually ended up talking about something entirely different for about 15 minutes. I don't really think I look all that different, and I don't care that I am recognized. I think I look like "her" twin brother or something. (I've only been on T for 8 months so I only have a bit of facial hair and no stubble.)

I guess I should say that I am "out", so I don't care if people know I am trans.

--Jay

[Cindy]

Well I'm in the situation that I continually meet people as me and they know I used to be him. Everyone has been very understanding, and if they are not it isn't my problem.

I'm actually doing a presentation in a few weeks for a colleague who is retiring, I will have to face a lecture theater full of people who do not know that I have transitioned and that I am now Cindy.

My intent is my first slide will show the retiring person as a young man and then as he is now, my second is that of me as a young 'man' and then my current avatar.

I am going to say that *** has matured into a distinguished man, and that I have changed from a young 'man' into a beautiful woman.

Should break the ice nicely

[maximusloverus]

I come from a pretty small town. Everybody knows everybody here. It happens to me all the time. What I do is explain the situation my perfered pronouns etc. One thing that could help is having your best friend or someone who does use the appropriate pronouns with you in your group that way if she does mislabel you they can correct it in their own way. Ususally if someone I used to know uses the wrong pronoun and there are people that have only know me after my transition, I'll have someone close to me like my girlfriend refer to me as "him/he" and then the new people are more inclined to just see it as a mistake.

Hope that helped.   

[SI3]

Thanks for all the advice. It's just frustrating because no one in my life ever corrects people or says anything when they use the wrong ones. I've talked to this girl multiple times so it seems pointless to again since she never listens. I'm probably just staying home tonight as I've gotten fed up recently with anything to do with being social.

Even small things, for instance there was this girl who was going on about how my friends brother is so cute he's the same age as me slightly smaller build and shorter and just kind of average. As conceited as it sound I just had these intrusive thoughts about how she'd think I was cute too if it weren't for me being outed to her (obviously this isn't a guarantee) I just get really bitter because I feel like no one actually views me as male. I always have thoughts of just up and leaving and going to live somewhere else.

[aleon515]

I don't correct people for them, I do it for me. Cindy and I are both "out", so it's possibly different, that we might care less.
I really don't care at all, but I can't claim it wasn't rather awkward.

I like Cindy's answer, I am not sure I am quite so clever (so fast, I could think of any no. of things if I could have awhile-- maybe my next one).

--Jay

[Shaina]

My intent is my first slide will show the retiring person as a young man and then as he is now, my second is that of me as a young 'man' and then my current avatar.

I am going to say that *** has matured into a distinguished man, and that I have changed from a young 'man' into a beautiful woman.

Should break the ice nicely

Ah Cindy your posts never fail to amaze!

I hope you've been feeling better about everything SI3. Hang in there man!