How to cope with the waiting?

[Magnolia88]

I'm starting to realize I won't be able to transition as soon as I wanted. I think it could take up to a year at least for me to make enough money to cover the expenses to even get started, but the waiting is killing me. Every day I'm stuck in this body is a day I'm wasting not living my true life. It took me long enough to finally embrace who I was but now to know that I won't be happy until I'm living as my true self and knowing it's so far away is making each day more and more miserable. Do you guys know any way to make this pain more bearable?

[Katie]

Well for one I can say that money does not have to be a big issue at the beginning. When I look back it did not cost much to start transition... Now surgeries , thats a different story.

[Magnolia88]

Well I'm living with my dad and I'm almost certain he wouldn't allow me to start my transition under his roof so first, I have to save money to move. I'm also not sure if and what insurance companies covers transition costs or if they'll cover the therapy and hormone costs. One expense I'm really worried about is hair removal especially with the amount I have to remove. I've heard of people spending 60 to 80 thousand when all is said and done. Of course surgery is the last step so I don't have to worry about that now, but i have no idea how I'll make that much money especially once I start paying my own rent, insurance, phone bill, ect. I work in a cafe and make about a thousand a month right now but I've only been there a little while so I still have a few months to go before I can save enough move out, much less start my transition. I understand changing my gender is a massive, life altering goal and it will take time and money, but again, I'm just scared it will take a lot longer than I can wait and more money than I'll have anytime soon.

[bethany]

I'm starting to realize I won't be able to transition as soon as I wanted. I think it could take up to a year at least for me to make enough money to cover the expenses to even get started, but the waiting is killing me. Every day I'm stuck in this body is a day I'm wasting not living my true life. It took me long enough to finally embrace who I was but now to know that I won't be happy until I'm living as my true self and knowing it's so far away is making each day more and more miserable. Do you guys know any way to make this pain more bearable?

What I did to make things a bit easier to deal with was the simple little things like I pierced my ears. (earrings in both ears is no longer uncommon for men) I would also paint my toe nails and wear panties. (Those two things you can hide very easy) I also colored my hair but there is no hiding that. 

[Katie]

Well for one I never went to a therapist so I cant tell you the costs of that.

As far as the hormones. Well its been a long time since I took spiro but when I was taking it and estro it was not that expensive. Thinking say 25-30 dollars a month. Crap being post op all I take is estro and I have probably five years worth of the crap. I probably should get rid of some of it. Its dirt cheap.

A trip to a resale shop can get someone started on clothes for dirt cheap.

Hair removal.... now that's a funny one for me. I ended up spending 1800 early in transition to get laser. It got rid of most of the hair except along my neck and around my mouth/chin.

From that point I stopped and simply shaved once a day for years till just this year I ended up buying a professional electrolysis machine and finishing the job.

I guess something to think about is that one can start out and the costs don't have to be huge.

As far as your Dads place.......... well if your going to transition he is going to find out perhaps it would be smart to discuss it with him. You might be surprised and if he does not take it well.....as  I said he is going to find out if you transition.

[Lauren5]

Hormones, especially when covered by insurance (which most will, as they just see an order for a prescription and clear it if it's a drug that they cover, many hormonal drugs are covered for different reasons other than transition) are not very expensive, if you can get working with a psychologist and a trans-friendly GP, you should be able to start.
Or, you could decide to tell your dad, if you felt up to it. This is how I feel, this is why, and I'm still your child, so you should still love me. That's a good way to start.

[Magnolia88]

That's a big relief. I guess I just got overwhelmed thinking about it all. Still it may take awhile. I'm not sure staying with my dad is an option. Even if he accepted me and let me live with him while I transitioned which I would be shocked if he did, He recently got married and they've made it clear they want me out so they can be together without having a grown adult to take care of. Also I'm just really unhappy living with them. We're very different people and they can be unbearable a lot of the time. Within the next six months, I hope to be moved out and paying my own expenses, Then I think I will finally be able to start the beginning stages of my transition. I think I can start doing things like geting my ears pierced or even getting a wig and dress and some make up and dressing up in front of the mirror every once in awhile would make the waiting a little bit easier. I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I'm lonely. I've never been in a relationship every time I see the happy couples come in at work, I wish I could be the girl with the doting boyfriend holding her and kissing her. it genuinely makes me sad that I don't have that. I think it might help to have a girlfriend I could tell and maybe she could help me become a woman. Teach me how to do makeup, go shopping with me, little things like that so I don't feel like I'm going through it alone.

[Joanna Dark]

for starters, you need to be more positive and think about all the ways you will overcome and persevere rather than ruminate about how you can't. With a thousand a month, you could get a roommate, start hrt, get foodstamps, trade in your phone plan and get a free government phone. Basically, you sacrifice. You could start now most changes won't be noticeable for some time. That wasn't true with me, but I'm an outlier and I'm pretty lucky and try to stay positive even when I'm down and out. Like I sound positive right? Well I have lost my job, boyfriend, apartment, and everything else recently but I still think the future is bright. I could be wrong but hopefully my BF will comeback and we will move back in together and I'll get a job and before I know it I will be back in bed with him :p

[Ashey]

Have patience. In 2006 I stopped repressing everything, decided I wanted to transition, and came out to all my friends and some family. But I was living with my parents, and I was afraid they'd react negatively and kick me out. So for quite a few years after that, I was stuck in a rut, depressed, trying to figure out a way to go to college and get the heck outta there. And in all that time, I was still afraid and tried keeping it under wraps as much as I could. But I coped by incorporating little things. Earrings, growing my hair out, carrying a small 'travel bag' as a purse, getting effeminate guy clothes. It can be scary though, and a bit heartbreaking. When I came home from a halloween event the next morning, still dressed as a 'sexy witch', my mom said I looked pretty and took a picture of me and proceeded to help me with removing my make-up. It almost made me cry, because I couldn't tell her anything. And then there were other little things like my mom asking to borrow earrings from me sometimes. I think she knew, on some level, because when I came out to my sister she mentioned that mom had discovered a purse or something in my room and didn't really know what to make of it. So living in fear and skirting around everything was hard. But in the end, my parents were amazingly fine with it, so now I kinda kick myself for not telling them sooner. xD

Another thing I did was spend a lot of time in Second Life (and various MMORPG's), dressing up an avatar and interacting with other people as a woman. For a virtual environment, the interactions can certainly feel real. I've learned just how sexist, sex-crazed, conceited, and a$$holish men can be. -_- Still a good not-quite-so-real-life experience though.

Also, I almost forgot to mention, don't be daunted by transitioning costs! I was at first but started with therapy. It ended up being cheaper than I thought it'd be, and that trend has thankfully continued through laser and HRT.

[Sammy]

Another thing I did was spend a lot of time in Second Life (and various MMORPG's), dressing up an avatar and interacting with other people as a woman. For a virtual environment, the interactions can certainly feel real. I've learned just how sexist, sex-crazed, conceited, and a$$holish men can be. -_- Still a good not-quite-so-real-life experience though.

Coming from another SL-er here, this is just so true...

[suzifrommd]

I'm starting to realize I won't be able to transition as soon as I wanted. I think it could take up to a year at least for me to make enough money to cover the expenses to even get started, but the waiting is killing me.

I should point out that transition is free. It costs no money to adopt a female presentation, ask people to call you by female name and pronouns, and begin considering yourself a woman. Inexpensive clothes can be found at second hand stores or borrowed from friends.

I know several unemployed people of very limited means who transitioned. They don't pass, but then, as I'm fond of reminding people YOU DON'T NEED TO PASS IN ORDER TO TRANSITION. I know many women who will never pass but are very happy with their transitions.

Of course if you decide you want to pass or to be fashionable, well those take considerably more money. Passing is a luxury that many transwomen can't have (body type, hand size, etc.). If you can stand waiting, great. But I will say again, that you don't need to pass to transition, and transition without passing is essentially free.

[LizMarie]

I'd recommend...

• Start with small baby steps.
• Focus on accomplishing one single thing at a time.
• Write down a transition plan and try to stick to it, using the above small steps.
• As you complete each one, check it off.

Do the above and you'll see yourself slowly but steadily moving forward. And a lot of those small steps you can start right now. Let your hair grow out. Get a maniped. Start thrift shop shopping and slowly grow your wardrobe. Find a way to change when you're away from home and spend some time out en femme now. You can also start thinking about trying to find better paying work with perhaps medical benefits or better medical benefits. That doesn't have to be done this instant but you can start figuring out how.

So there's lots you can do and if you think about all of it at once, it will overwhelm you. So pick one small thing and get that taken care of, or at least started.

[evecrook]

I don't know maybe this won't work for you, but the best possible situation would be to get a councilor and the three of you could work  together and you could stay in the house and save a lot of money. You might be able to experience some thing very special with your parent. He's not going to be around forever.

[ChelseaAnn]

Hey, I'm with ya. Waiting does stink. I'm waiting for legal reasons, and so my wife and I can have another child. The one thing that keeps me going is the idea that it will happen. If you are sure you're going to transition, keep that in mind. It keeps me going, and decently happy. Since you live at home with your dad, perhaps you could tell him, or if you don't, buy some cheap clothing (goodwill is a nice place for getting started) and dress when he isn't home. (I did that for years back in high school, just for the hour and a half that I had before he got home from work.)
Be patient. I admit, the costs do sound outrageous, but that's mostly figuring in the expensive surgeries (bottom and top), and hair removal can be a little much, but the basic stuff, from what I've heard, isn't too bad.