Gender and sex (the act, not the classification)

[E-Brennan]

Is it okay to want to change gender, but to not want to have sex as someone of that gender?  I'm really not interested - at this point - with the idea that after full transition I could have sex using my very own fully-functional female body, nor am I too upset with the idea that I might even only transition to the point of hormones and cosmetic surgery rather than having genital reassignment surgery.  I'm not really interested in sex at all, to be honest.  It's fun, I suppose, but only for the, er, half an hour or so that it usually lasts before I'm bored.  And while not doing it, it's rarely on my mind.

It seems that actually having sex would be one of many factors in choosing to transition, but I'm not really feeling it right now.  For me, it's more important to be seen as female for the 99% of daily life when I'm fully clothed, not the 1% daily life when I'm naked in the presence of someone else (or the 0.01% of daily life when I'm doing something sexual with my spouse.)  I almost never think about how great it would be to have a vagina for sexual purposes, but I constantly think about it for gender purposes.

Is there anything "wrong" with transitioning and planning to not use the new body for anything sexual?  Would that be like buying a Ferrari just for the way it looks and never taking it out for a triple-digit illegal speed spin once in a while?  (In other words, and more crudely, why get a vagina if I have no desire to be penetrated?)

Does this question even make sense?

[Andaya]

Totally nothing wrong with it! People want to transition to a certain extent for all different reasons and all to different lengths. My IRL trans friend is changing short of SRS, and she's happy with that. Nothing wrong with not being a sexual person, and/or thinking about yourself during sex differently. So long as transitioning is truly what you want, I say go for it

Personally I'm still on the fence about SRS anyway (I lean towards having it eventually) so I can empathize.

[Joanna Dark]

Your body. Your choice. Ain't nutin' wrong wit dat. But seriously, one of the main reasons for me to have SRS would be to attract a suitable partner. I could be with a gay man. No problem. But most gay men do not want to be with someone as femme as I am.

I actually think your position is the majority position is the trans world since most MTFs like women or are ACEs. So by defintion they won't be penetrated with a big, hard penis. Though there always is the plastic coin-operated version.

But if it makes you happier it's prolly a good choice. But it is a lot of money too. But I'm in my prime years too so sex is on my mind a lot. I never thought about sex pre-HRT. It's weird. So before hormones I woulda totally felt ya but now...hmm...I need a man.

[suzifrommd]

Actually, I think the ability to pleasure women with my lower parts is one thing I'm going to miss after SRS. I have no clue how I'll use my new equipment for enjoyment (though I'll sure try to figure it out...) Won't keep me from surgery, though. I still want my bottom to be the right shape.

[Jenna Marie]

Nothing wrong with it at all!!

I'm married to a female, and sometimes people ask me why I bothered if I didn't want to be with a man... my answer is nearly the same as yours, that it mattered that I be *physically correct,* even if I never used it. (It's possible to get penetrated even by a woman, of course, and I admit I did hope to be able to enjoy it that way too. But it wasn't the primary motivation.) You should transition in precisely the way YOU want, and if that includes wanting a vagina because it makes you feel right, that's perfectly reasonable; if you decide against GRS, that's a valid choice too.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Your body. Your choice. Ain't nutin' wrong wit dat. But seriously, one of the main reasons for me to have SRS would be to attract a suitable partner. I could be with a gay man. No problem. But most gay men do not want to be with someone as femme as I am.

I actually think your position is the majority position is the trans world since most MTFs like women or are ACEs. So by defintion they won't be penetrated with a big, hard penis. Though there always is the plastic coin-operated version.

But if it makes you happier it's prolly a good choice. But it is a lot of money too. But I'm in my prime years too so sex is on my mind a lot. I never thought about sex pre-HRT. It's weird. So before hormones I woulda totally felt ya but now...hmm...I need a man.

What is an ACE?

[warlockmaker]

We change so much in our mental views towards sex as we advance on or HRT regime. Its been only 8 months and I'v changed my views on sex pre HRT.  There is no rush on my part to find my inclinations sexually and  I need to develop naturally and see where it leads me. There is no right or wrong - only the choices that we can now make freely.

[JLT1]

Actually, I think the ability to pleasure women with my lower parts is one thing I'm going to miss after SRS. I have no clue how I'll use my new equipment for enjoyment (though I'll sure try to figure it out...) Won't keep me from surgery, though. I still want my bottom to be the right shape.

Once I get mine up and running, I won't really know how I'll use it with a woman either.  I am thinking about having a long talk with my lesbian sister and then, just start playing.  Should be fun.

What is an ACE?

Jen

I don't understand that reference wither

[Sybil]

What is an ACE?

I believe ACE means asexual. I didn't learn this until recently when someone who defined themselves that way told me.

[Ashey]

At nearly 5 weeks HRT, and with my sex-drive (as I knew it) obliterated, I find myself fantasizing more about men than I used to. To be perfectly honest, I'm a lil scared, or maybe intimidated by it. I've never really been with a guy, but I do like them for the most part. But I have been with women and at the moment I'm convinced I like them more. I guess I'm scared I'm going to eventually 'sell out' and become hetero, lol!

Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with getting SRS or not getting SRS. It's a deeply personal thing, so whatever your decision, if it's true to yourself then it won't be wrong. SRS would definitely be good if you have genital-related dysphoria. Or if you just want that sense of 'completion'. Heck, I'd probably even consider it just to get the boys outta the way!

[JillSter]

Is there anything "wrong" with transitioning and planning to not use the new body for anything sexual?

Not at all. I feel exactly the same way. I want to get SRS, but I have no intention of having sex. It's your body. You do with it what you choose.

Personally, I think of it like this: My body is my temple. Nobody enters the temple but me.

Besides, vaginas don't exist just to be penetrated.

[evecrook]

These are issues of your own personal well being. You have to choose what's best  for you. I myself have desired a vagina since puberty or before. I definitely would love to be penetrated by a man in the proper fashion. It's really all I want . But, the primary issue for me is the vagina not necessarily  The sex act. For me the whole depth of my being is to be a woman . If I was given the choice of being a woman , but I had to live my life in total abstinence  I would readily agree. It would be a total bummer not to be penetrated by a man. , but I'd have to do it.

[E-Brennan]

Thanks for the information everyone.  Once in a while it's good to just run an idea that to me sounds "crazy" past you all, just to get a benchmark of whether I'm nuts or not.  In this case - not nuts seems to be the consensus  .

[Paulagirl]

Even before AA's, I had little to no desire for any kind of sex. I will eventually have SRS, and after that still (probably) won't have sex. To me getting a vagina is about being complete, and re establish a birthright that was denied me. However, as with everything else on this long strange trip, never say never.

[Sophia Hawke]

I most def plan to take full advantage of having a vagina one day.    My Penis is one of the biggest things im GD about.   ESP being pre-hrt and testosterone making me crazy horny and not being able to get any real satisfaction with it at all.   I'm also sure ill be intimate at times with any guy or girl i go with, and i want them to feel like they are with a girl and treat me as such.

[Xhianil]

snip-testosterone making me crazy horny -snip

Absolutely the worst! Though i do manage to control it most of the time.

[Sophia Hawke]

Absolutely the worst! Though i do manage to control it most of the time.

I honestly don't believe I could ever be satisfied that way.  Doesn't matter man/woman/andro I want to be with a girl like a girl is.  And be with a man like a girl is.  I am enjoying fellatio with men now at least, best I can do without a vagina.   Oddly enough though I've thought is trying to get with a no -op mtf  for the girl time and great sex.