Hey all!
Sorry in advance if this turns out a bit long.
So, I'm 21 years old, MTF, pre-op, pre-everything. I am also bisexual with the emphasis on women.
I don't crossdress as I'm in my last year of school and still living with my family - my mother, 2 younger siblings -but hopefully next summer I can finally move to the UK - I live in Hungary - and start a new life alone.
My realization was a kinda hard one I think. This whole thing started pretty late. I was like 10-11 when I realized I would like to play with boys and not just football, if you know what I mean. For years this was basicly all aside from the fact that I always had a repressed adoration for pink and a loud one for purple. At the age of 15 I had my first time with a guy, and it was good, but something just wasn't okay. I tried it with girls as well, and I liked that as well, but mostly the parts where I didn't have to use my penis. I started to reflect on all this and in like a year or so it slowly hit me. Since then my "girlie side" is getting stronger and more defined with every day and sometimes this craving is so cruel within me that I could scratch my own skin off.
I dream about transition, but I have a few problems as well, actually I wouldn't mind your opinions on that. :$ So, I am currently a pretty big dude, like 125kg - both muscles and some fat - and around 186cm with a pretty broad shoulder. I have my doubts about how feminine I can become with measures like this. The other thing is that I am becoming a Specialized Social Caretaker, I wish - and will - work with damaged children. My fear is that if I do go through with transition I could lose my job and never even find a new one like that because of discrimination. I really do want to work with this profession, this is what I love and what I am good at. I guess money won't be a problem, I am kinda poor now, but fortunately there are some pretty nice salaries in this profession, so I will be able to save the money for it in a few years - as I want to do my transition just before I ask for naturalization in the UK, so as I become a citizen, I can instantly change my name, and hopefully gender - that is, if I do go through with transition.
Sorry again for writing a whole essay, I just really cannot hold all of this in me anymore and I can't really talk about this with anyone.
Ohh, and before I forget, you can call me Shelly. ^.^
