Why?

[Athena]

I don't mean to sound judgmental, I just want to know different perspectives if I should be able to progress into my own transitioning.

For those of you who regret your transition and surgeries, why. What changed your mind. If I am ever able to transition I will need to be aware of these possibilities so I can reduce the threat of regrets.

[Greeneyedrebel]

I'm pondering similiar questions as I try to figure out the extent needed for me to be/feel ME. I don't want to do something I'd regret, and considering taking a slow path.

So thanks for posing the question.

[Emi]

I'm pondering similiar questions as I try to figure out the extent needed for me to be/feel ME. I don't want to do something I'd regret, and considering taking a slow path.

So thanks for posing the question.

Same here, I'm about to start therapy and if I'm able to start transition, I don't want to make bad choices.

[bingunginter]

Just be as informed as you can about the risk and consequences, weight the pros and cons.
Even if it turn out that transitioning doesn't work for you, don't treat it as regret, treat it as life lesson.

[E-Brennan]

Same worries here.

My therapist and I have discussed this at length.  The bottom line is that if you progress slowly, one step at a time, then there's very little danger that you'll do something you regret.  Start small.  Nobody's going to force you to transition overnight.

Steps you can take without any risk whatsoever are therapy (highly recommended), presentation (in private - things like growing your hair, changing the way you look and dress etc), and then low-dose HRT if you're still unsure.

By taking it slow, there really is nothing to worry about.  You'll never be in a position where you look in the mirror and you're shocked to see a female face, boobs, and a vagina where you once had something else.  From reading about some of the people (and it's fewer than you might think) who regretted their transition, many seem to have rushed things or "gone it alone".  Don't isolate yourself, find a trusted person who can keep an eye on you and let you know honestly if you're moving too fast or if you're going to do something you might regret later.

For all the fussing about the standards of care and gatekeeping, there is some common sense behind the "barriers" that stop us from lurching ahead and trying to transition in short period of time.  It's not a race, and there are legitimate reasons to have us stop once in a while and examine where we are and justify why we should continue.

And remember, once you start to transition, it's not as if you're obligated to finish.  You can step off at any time, and there's plenty of opportunity to stop without anybody ever knowing if you start to feel uncomfortable.

That said, don't confuse normal worries about such a significant life change with a fear that you're making a mistake.  It's normal to be slightly apprehensive about transitioning - I'd be concerned if someone didn't see any downsides or have any fears about what the future would hold.  And again, therapy is a great place to determine whether you're worried you're not right for transition, or whether you're just worried about what transition entails.  In other words, therapy will help you sort out whether you're worried about the reasons for transition or just the transition process itself. 

You should be glad you're apprehensive.  That's a good sign that you're doing the right thing!

[Emi]

Yes, having people who support you is really important. I came out to some friends and they mostly were supportive ^^

But you say in all cases the best thing to do is to speak with a therapist ?
Yes, I think you're right. But first you need to see a therapist. And for me it'll be long to see one ; the only one I found says I'm not an emergency and won't give me an appointment before at least one month

[ChaoticTribe]

What changed my mind was the fact that the 'improvement' from taking hormones was not a true improvement. It was a change, but after the excitement of the first year or two I began to realize that I was not more satisfied with my body than I had been before.


When you're in the middle of transition and changes are happening fast, you tend to focus on the progress. How much has my body changed? How different do I look? Do I pass? Has ____ happened yet? You lose sight of the big picture. When that cools down, sometimes you realize things are really slowing down and maybe instead of feeling 'better' because you're on your way to the body of your dreams, you realize that there are new issues there didn't used to be and things will never be quite 'right'.


I realized that I didn't feel better or worse because of how my body existed in its physical state - my emotions and dysphoria were 100% the result of how I felt about my body and the thoughts I had about it. I realized that dysphoria is worse at some times and almost or completely gone at other times because events trigger thoughts and thoughts trigger feelings. Events will always happen, it's a matter of controlling your mind.

Meditation helped me more than anything else, and taking anxiety medicine made me realize that I was more content in the body I had before. I am going to be detransitioning and have already stopped hormones. I should be starting hormones very soon to alter my skin and fat distribution back to their previous pattern.

On the bright side, I have a lot of knowledge and maturity and new ways of looking at the world that I would not have otherwise had. On the downside, it will be drama to explain to my family that I am detransitioning, and my chest will either fill back out or whatever but I did get insurance to sterilize me and prevent menstruation so it was still a gain in my book!



But yeah, definitely putting my body back to how it was. I had been restricted from so many things due to my gender (being shirtless, certain clothing, hair styles, activities and clubs as a kid) and I feel that my dysphoria was learned. Everything I liked was labelled boy and as a tiny child I had feelings I was a boy - plus at that age kids aren't dimorphic - now later in life I realize I didn't gain any 'freedoms' - in fact, I had just slammed a door on different opportunities. My life would've been better if there had been less rigidly enforced gender rules and instead of reinforcing them I am going to be one of those blazing a trail toward equality for women. I feel that early experiences cemented the idea of women as 'different' in my mind... this is the LAST thing I expected to happen, but I believe I have become a feminist. weird.

[Emi]

Hmm your story make me think twice about my decisions. But I still need to see a therapist.
I finally got an appointment, for the 12th ! ^^

[insideontheoutside]

What changed my mind was the fact that the 'improvement' from taking hormones was not a true improvement. It was a change, but after the excitement of the first year or two I began to realize that I was not more satisfied with my body than I had been before.

... now later in life I realize I didn't gain any 'freedoms' - in fact, I had just slammed a door on different opportunities. My life would've been better if there had been less rigidly enforced gender rules and instead of reinforcing them I am going to be one of those blazing a trail toward equality for women. I feel that early experiences cemented the idea of women as 'different' in my mind... this is the LAST thing I expected to happen, but I believe I have become a feminist. weird.

Your situation is interesting to me because it's different from the "normal" FTM trans story people usually see.

I had less rigidly enforced gender rules growing up and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I still identify as male, without taking testosterone. Except for a couple parts, I don't mind my body and my looks. I like my hair (and I like it on my head, not on my back and elsewhere). I don't think it's vanity or anything like that, just personal preference and what I feel comfortable with. I don't like that the status quo tells me in order to be my true gender I have to do this, that, and the other thing. I don't have to do anything really to be myself except well, just be.

It would be nice to see some more posts as you move in this new direction to see how things go for you.

[makipu]

I found your story interesting ChaoticTribe. May I ask if you had already changed your gender marker on your documents to male? If so, will you be keeping it the way it is?

[Athena]

Thank you for replying ChaoticTribe. Your story does give me something to think about, the only reasons I could find otherwise were a) a man got divorced and was so upset he went through transitioning and regretted it b) another transsexual missed the old boys network and finally someone had a huge crisis of religion and felt they had betrayed their religion.

For myself, I am not religious, I have felt no desire to be in a sexual relationship with anyone and the people I hang out with mostly treat men and women pretty much the same. I do however question why it is I can't wear a dress or high heels without drawing attention to myself. I do feel that I am missing breasts that should rightly be there. I shrug off the thought of presenting as a male but having a vagina yet the thought of presenting as female while having a penis would restrict any travel that I might do and drive me up the wall.

From what I can tell the only thing that I need someone to sign off on is the actual SRS. Everything else I believe I can arrange with just informed consent.

I am currently in a situation that I absolutely can not work towards transitioning, there is hope that things may change in the not to distant future but the age factor might start to work against me if it doesn't change in the next couple years.

As it stands I believe that the only thing left for me to make the decision that I want to transition is to go on hrt. If I do someday go on hrt and I find that it is the right path for me then I will consider doing most of the surgeries fairly quickly but I see now that I have to be sure that I truly feel better and more as I should, not just excited by the changes.

Sorry for the ramble, I tend not to communicate well.

[DriftingCrow]

I realized that I didn't feel better or worse because of how my body existed in its physical state - my emotions and dysphoria were 100% the result of how I felt about my body and the thoughts I had about it. I realized that dysphoria is worse at some times and almost or completely gone at other times because events trigger thoughts and thoughts trigger feelings. Events will always happen, it's a matter of controlling your mind.

Meditation helped me more than anything else, and taking anxiety medicine made me realize that I was more content in the body I had before.

I haven't transitioned any, and it's because of the same sentiment as ChaoticTribe above. I was going to transition (and part of me still wants to), but I started meditating instead and opening up my mind to new thought patterns. As you can see in my signature line, I really liked the line of Gurbani which reads "maan jeete jag jeet". If you can control how you feel about things, people, events, yourself, then the entire world is in your hands. Transitioning alone isn't going to give you control.

It's about looking at the root-cause of the issue and deciding what solution is best for you. Controlling your mind doesn't mean that transitioning isn't the solution ever. We do have a member here who's fully transitioned, had SRS, and meditates a lot. She seems happy, but my guess is that part of it is because she controls her mind.

Good luck.

[retransition]

I haven't transitioned any, and it's because of the same sentiment as ChaoticTribe above. I was going to transition (and part of me still wants to), but I started meditating instead and opening up my mind to new thought patterns. As you can see in my signature line, I really liked the line of Gurbani which reads "maan jeete jag jeet". If you can control how you feel about things, people, events, yourself, then the entire world is in your hands. Transitioning alone isn't going to give you control.

As someone who has detransitioned after SRS, I wish I had more time to spend in this thread. Hopefully I can get back sometime to post more but I think that this is a really good insight.

[helen2010]

A great thread and great comments. My experience follows the approach recommended by ---------  this isnt a race, there is no end point, it's ok to travel, stop and enjoy the view, choose another path and move forward.  Transitioning is like any other journey.  Make conscious decisions, own your decisions, test for safety and authenticity and then move forward.  Remember it is your life and your narrative,  this life time is precious,  respect yourself and the gift you have been given

I have found to my surprise that I  am non binary.  This has enabled me to transform my life and relationships. If I had continued to think only in terms of either a binary transition or remaining male then I suspect that either destination would have been problematic for me

Safe travels

Aisla