How do I know how far I need to go?

[insideontheoutside]

No, that's HRT!  I get boobies and the world smells of flowers and unicorns an chirping birds....

Sorry... I'm better now.

Here is the simple truth.

I have been transformed mentally by this week.

I had locked myself in a complete state of learned helplessness and despair an all joy, humor, sex, strength had left me. 

I gave up.  It was like handing the reins to someone else.
After a few disorienting days I'm finally on firm ground again.

I definitely have a female gender identity.  Acknowledging this and looking at my moods and behaviors in this light caused a massive break in the negative depression spiral.  I am feeling AWESOME.  I'm also not feeling very dysphoric.  Just acknowledging that it's a woman in charge makes living my life easier.  Like a million times more comfortable in my current role and gender expression even if it isn't a perfect match.

So, I'll pull myself out of this hole I've dug for my life, and worry about any TG endgame anything further down the road.  I'll get some support, so I don't lose sight of the real me.  Ironically, I'm a better man with a woman behind the wheel than I was without her. 

Ha I totally didn't see this thread and a page 2 and you had posted this. I'm glad you're on firmer ground.

It's kinda similar to what I ended up doing really. I acknowledge that I'm male and that's pretty much that. I found an inner confidence and that helped more than anything else I'd done up to that point.