Trying to think this thru...

[SandraB]

I'm trying to think this through and need so help, your thoughts here. Since coming out, about five weeks ago to everyone, things haven't gone to well. I've managed to alienate my family and my kids. I'm getting divorced and losing my house and home. Those who I thought were trusted friends, once again, I'm learning were not. Within a few months, once I go full time, I lose my job. I'm okay with all that, I'll move on in life.
Here's my problem though. I work for a small company, family owned - by my step-son. As a result of my transitioning, my wife, along with the rest of her family, find it quite embarrassing that I am transgendered, letting me know that they do not 'roll like that here'. As such, I'm no longer welcome into their home for thinks like Thanksgiving, or anything for that matter. I have no idea what they have told the grandkids either. We have an employee Christmas function every year. This year's will be next week, and they need to know over the weekend who will be attending. Should I blow it off and boycott the event seeing that I make my wife uncomfortable at social events? This is quasi family. No one really talks to me now as it is. And I'd honestly feel uncomfortable going there this year. And if I did go, I'd definitely take separate cars. What do you guys think?

[Robin Mack]

*hug*  I think you are a brave and determined woman, and you should take credit for that.  You can truly say to yourself (and the world you choose to reveal your status to) that you have earned it, every time you are recognized for your true gender.

That being said, I think you've earned a break.    If it will just make you uncomfortable, don't go.  Some would say you should wave your femininity in the face of those who have snubbed you, but to me it comes down to a cost-benefit analysis.  But make sure this is about *you* and *your* comfort.  Your family and friends have apparently decided that they certainly aren't interested in you or your comfort, and someone needs to be.

It might be a good time to write up a pro/con list, and let logic decide.  From what you have written, I can't imagine any reason why *I* would go if I were in your shoes, but you obviously are taking this decision very seriously.  So be honest with yourself and write down the reasons why you should go and why you shouldn't.  You could even assign a point value to each pro or con... then add up the points when you are done and see how that sets with you.

*hug*

[Ms Grace]

"Don't roll like that around here." Wow.

It's terrible that people you thought you could rely on have turned their back on you. If you're not going to feel welcome, safe or comfortable there it sounds like not going is the better option.

[Megumi]

First big hugs hun you are very brave trying to stick around all these people who only want to hurt you for being yourself. That's not easy.

It's my own opinion but I would begin to build MY life instead of trying to raise the sunken ship from the depths of the ocean. They clearly do NOT want to have you in their life's at all which is sad and quite pathetic on their part but hey it's their decision to do so. I would start doing the things that YOU want to do, not out of duty or to keep appearances up but to actually do the things that make you happy.

[JoanneB]

Didn't you think it odd that you weren't invited to the party this year?

Seriously! Were you? From how they sound, open warfare even, I can't help but to think this.

I think you have several good and valid reasons to go.
1) It is about Christmas. Love. Forgiveness. Hope for mankind. A new covenant.
2) It is a time to rejoice with your family. People you spend most of your waking hours around are family. Unless they are party to the melodramatics they would miss you.
3) You get to create a loving, positive, memory of your final days at this job As so will others there not directly involved get to create a positive last memory of you. (Which will help in contrasting the poisonous hatefull words they will later hear)

Of course going all hinges on your personality type to handle the negatives. From what I've read that really isn't an issue. If you feel that that your coworkers, by and large, would like your company, then go. Pretend it is high school and naturally there is a small clique that doesn't, perhaps potentially openly hostile. Should they be allowed to ruin things for you and others?