The downhill run

[sam79]

The last few days has been strange. A new feeling, of almost emptiness.

Transitioning has been a full time thing for so long... There's been so much to worry about! HRT, physical developments & appearance. Make-up, fashion and style. Learning so much about myself, about emotions, and really discovering myself again. Then there's voice and constant hair removal. The list keeps going... And since there were no other hangups, I poured all of my time and effort into all transition efforts.

But now all of that is slowing down as I get closer to the end. There's heap and heaps left to do, including surgeries etc, but it doesn't consume all of my time and effort any more. Hair removal is close enough to being complete that it's a non issue. I have all of the basics of female life together. And I'm just days away from my name change and being full-time. I pass just fine out in the world and blend in without any real issues. It's magical and all I could have asked for .

I'm curious if anyone else found this strange void as transition approaches the end? There's definitely a large amount of relief in there, but I didn't expect such an empty space to be left behind.

The answer is kind of obvious still... fill it with joy from getting on with, and living life.

[KabitTarah]

I'm just starting to look up the steep slope of transition...

...but I have the direct opposite problem. I see so much I need to work on, take so long just shaving, and have so much dysphoria that I have a hard time doing the things I need to do (cleaning, especially) let alone the things I want to do (ukulele, learn to crochet, make beer, etc.)

I suppose my answer is clear, too. Defer the wants, make every effort to do the needs.

[evecrook]

I don't know I've just started the climb. I'm guessing it's like an Olympic athlete .going through all the struggle to get that medal then when you get it/s a great release, but now back to life.

[sam79]

You can stay steep again! Just a case of one foot in front of the other I guess. It's all I could do.

At the same time, I feel so much for those that also have to balance relationships with partners and children at the same time as trying to transition. It's difficult enough with no dependants.

[Oriah]

I know what you mean.  There comes a time where there just isn't a whole lot left to do.  It's sad in it's own way.....transition seemed so stressful that it never occurred to me how much I enjoyed transforming myself.  Luckily at about the same time my son was born, and now the emptiness filled ten times over with the joy and responsibilities of being a mommie.

[Ms Grace]

Unfortunately the process of transition can become life consuming - and the temptation is to give in to that. Sometimes our lives can feel incomplete and - without the distraction and business and the general process of dealing with trans* stuff - then that void is actually there anyway, yawning at out feet. It's important that transition become a part of our journey, a part of our life - not actually the sum total of our journey, our life - otherwise things can potentially still be a bit bleak and unfulfilling on the other side. As opposed to my last attempt at transition, this time around I'm more distracted by other non trans* things - work, projects and family - I'm going through the transition steps as required but without them I think my life would be a huge, busy complex mess anyway...and I hope it still is once transition is over!

[sam79]

Luckily at about the same time my son was born, and now the emptiness filled ten times over with the joy and responsibilities of being a mommie.

Awww. My heart melts instantly at the thought of being a mum... Sooo soo so jelly.