What made you unhappy today? v4.0

[King Malachite]

I've been trying to rationalize suicide, but I can't. Frankly I wish I could. But as I map out the plan I only ever get so far.

Same here :/

[Adam (birkin)]

Same here :/

Except you can't because you're awesome. 

[Shantel]

Same here :/

Stop that you two, you're both young and healthy and have your whole life ahead of you, anyway suicide is a non-answer to the issues of life and such a cowardly dead end.

[Adam (birkin)]

The way I see it is someone has to be around to take care of Keaira. lol.

[King Malachite]

Except you can't because you're awesome. 

Awesome?  I'm not the one that lives in Canada. 

Stop that you two, you're both young and healthy and have your whole life ahead of you, anyway suicide is a non-answer to the issues of life and such a cowardly dead end.

Gee alright, Auntie. 


But I don't have anyone to take care of (and I can barely take care of myself) so where does that leave me?   

[Adam (birkin)]

When you become wildly rich I expect you to take care of me, financially. How's that? lmao

[King Malachite]

When you become wildly rich I expect you to take care of me, financially. How's that? lmao

Haha what dream are you living in?  I'd be extremely lucky just to be in working class status.

[Adam (birkin)]

Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.

[King Malachite]

Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.

I'm trying!  I'm looking for jobs to apply for now,lol.

[Shantel]

Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.

My senses detect a black mask and a whip behind that comment!

[Adam (birkin)]

You know me all too well Shan.

[King Malachite]

and yet I barely know what a sugar daddy is, lol

[Jessica Merriman]

Take 5 Shantel, I've got em now!

CALEB! MALACHITE! ARGH!

What are we going to do with you two. You have all the support in the world here and guess what? My PM box is not full. That's right, no one bothered to ask old Jessica for help. Oh, is that it? Jessica is too old to help her brothers out now? OK, knock off all the negatives and go to your room, uh, room(s) right now. You need to stop eating all the frownies in the house! Come out with smiles or face the cougar!

[Shantel]

Atta girl Jessica, I need a breather!

Watch out fellas, Jessica is a man eater of a dominatrix!

[Jessica Merriman]

Watch out fellas, Jessica is a man eater of a dominatrix!

If they only knew!

Think if I told them about my latex/leather collection they could think about something good for a change? *giggle*

[Adam (birkin)]

*hands over the whip and chains to Jessica* lol

I'll be OK. I've just been thinking about that story with Dr. V. How she was outed and she ended up killing herself. I just imagine me getting far enough in my transition, finally being free to start a new life and chill out, only to have some nosey douchebag dig into my past and tell others. I just feel like...how could I live a life like that? Where people just treat me like some freak that needs to be exposed? It sucks.

[Jessica Merriman]

I really don't see how people can live totally under the radar or in stealth. Not in todays computerized and government eavesdropping world. People can find out anything about you from traffic tickets to divorces. I feel deep in my soul who I am which comes out as passing with confidence and sureness. I have not tried to live in stealth or conceal myself very well. That gives me peace of mind and buzz kills anyone who ever hopes to profit or cause issue's for me. Believe in yourself and don't worry about the future as we are not promised tomorrow at all. Live for today, not the imaginary future where someone tries to ruin your day. Just think, in two generations no one is probably going to even remember me or my being trans. We are only here for a blink in time. What you are or what you do to live will not be held against you forever. PM if you ever need to. 

[King Malachite]

Take 5 Shantel, I've got em now!

CALEB! MALACHITE! ARGH!

What are we going to do with you two. You have all the support in the world here and guess what? My PM box is not full. That's right, no one bothered to ask old Jessica for help. Oh, is that it? Jessica is too old to help her brothers out now? OK, knock off all the negatives and go to your room, uh, room(s) right now. You need to stop eating all the frownies in the house! Come out with smiles or face the cougar!

I'm sorry.   

[Jessica Merriman]

I'm sorry.   

Quite all right soldier! Now get out there and take no prisoners on the job front! Love you brother!

[Adam (birkin)]

btw I love the phrase "eating all the frownies" lmao. So using that.

I know you're right Jessica. I think quite often about how for whatever reason, I never used the skills I had during my first coming out (about liking women) during my second coming out (as trans). When I came out as a lesbian, I actually really surprised myself. Within just a few months, I went from this timid little mouse to not giving one single solitary crap what anyone else thought of me. I know I saw a few people from school, who knew me for 10+ years, who didn't recognize me because of my change in demeanour. When I told them who I was, they openly said they didn't know who I was because they couldn't believe that the quiet kid who sat in the corner all of a sudden was like...happy and confident. And if people were ignorant, I really had no issue handling it, I just had this fight in me.

But I've been out as trans for over 4 years ago and it seems like my transition just wants to kick my teeth in.