do trans people find it hard to find life partners? or is it better then you thk

[evecrook]

I was just wondering because I'm just starting transition. In my past I have had girls friends and boy friends some very involved.  I think mostly do to my dysphoria I've been sexually inactive for quite awhile. The most important thing is my transition. I was just wondering if a lot of trans people have a rough go of it in finding a life partners.

[big kim]

I've found it impossible to meet anyone I'd like to settle down with.I would love to be someone's girlfriend but I'm 56 and I can't see it happening.

[phoenix83]

I think it can be difficult no matter who you are, whether trans, male or female, passable or not passable.

It depends on so many factors, your standards and expectations, and as a trans girl just how opened minded and comfortable your partner is with who they are and how people judge them.

To me it seems much easier if you are interested in dating a woman. Women seem much more comfortable with themselves and open about who they are. I've read so many stories of married wives staying with their husbands after revealing their trans status and transitioning. Men in general are much more uptight and concerned with how other people will see and judge them which can lead to alot of heartbreak and sometimes self loathing. All you can do is be yourself and hope that you can find someone who understands and loves you for who you are, not what you are.

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

I've been thinking about this question recently. I should first disclose that I'm not pursuing a life-partner at this time, and I've only been dating men since July of this year. I've found (to my surprise and delight) no shortage of hetero-sexual men who are willing to date me (I'm pre-op and don't advertise it on the dating site; I tell them after they contact me and sound interesting). The men I've dated so far have either been poly (I'm not), married (It's bad, I know), or casually dating (O, he was handsome. Sigh). They've all been extraordinarily likable and interesting men, and I've even grown close to one of them in an emotional sense, but we're not going to get married. I've not yet met someone who was interested in forming a life-long relationship, and wonder how disappointed I would be if I were making that a prerequisite to dating. When I feel sorry for myself, I wonder what kind of man would be proud to introduce me to his mother (we'd get along; I'm really sweet). OR his father ("You're dating WHAT, son?"). But I don't feel sorry for myself very often.

I'd like to think I could be happy without finding someone to share exclusively my old age with. There are too many good things in life, and more married couples are miserable than not. Just food for thought. Not a condemnation of life-partnership.

[~RoadToTrista~]

It just depends on a lot of things. First, what your own standards are. For example, it seems a lot of trans people want someone who accepts them as trans but not someone who actively tries to date trans people, that'll conflict and narrow your pool significantly. Some place a restriction on race, some on gender, some on income, some on looks, some on age, some on certain aspects of personality, etc. Not saying any of it is wrong; because it isn't. But people with a broader pool will have an easier time finding someone. (though if they're just lowering their personal standards out of desperation they're not going to be happy, also some will try to broaden their pool by staying stealth for a long time to their partners, that's a terrible idea)

In general, I believe older trans people will have an especially harder time than younger trans people, pre-ops will have a harder time than post-ops, passable trans people will have an easier time than those who don't, and, I believe, straight mtf's have it harder than ftm's or mtf lesbians.

But remember, the internet is a wonderful tool.

[Katie]

I would say yes. If someone is a trans person they are in an extremely small minority and yes they will have a hard time finding a partner.

Now if someone is a woman or a man well then its easier. The point here is there is a mindset that comes into play here. A mindset that happens after srs I should also point out.

[bingunginter]

It is harder for me because hrt kills my sex drive. I lose the drive to find partner.

[Miyuki]

I've been avoiding the issue for a long time now. I don't want to have any sort of sexual relationship until my dysphoria has settled down, and even then... it's not easy to start dating for the first time when you're close to 30. I don't have much of a sex drive either, nor do I want one. Getting into a relationship with someone is not really something I want to focus on right now, and possibly not ever.

On the other hand, I would like to have children (or at least a child) when/if my financial situation is able to support it. But I didn't bank any sperm before starting anti-androgens, and I don't think I could tolerate going off them for long enough to bank any now. Besides, I have an assortment of genetic issues that I have no wish to pass along to a child. I guess that makes my options pretty limited. The only thing I can even think of is to find a sperm donor and surrogate mother, but that is yet another one of those things you need way more money than I have to be able to do.

[Tristan]

I use to assume that i would never be able to find someone. let alone get a date. turns out. its not that much harder than it is for genetic girl. you do meet alot of toads though and thats annoying. but find someone who loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you its def something you can do

[Northern Jane]

I have been on this side of the fence nearly 40 years and having an unusual medical background is DEFINITELY an additional impediment! A LOT of straight men are incredibly homophobic and feel that being attracted to a girl who "was once a dude" makes them at least somewhat gay. Considering how difficult it is to meet a potential partner in the first place, the extra hindrance leaves a VERY small field!

Things are improving, I think. I find younger men in general don't have the same hang-ups or fears and are more open and understanding.

Good luck and happy hunting! 

[kelly_aus]

Entirely by accident, I found someone earlier in the year that could well have been a life partner - just a shame liver disease took her from me. Since then, I've not been looking for anything terribly serious, but I've not been entirely lonely..

I've found I've had better luck in the under-30's crowd, they don't seem to mind my non-op status.. There seems to be a lot of penis hatred amongst the older lesbians here. Mind you, at 38, it's kinda cool to wake up next to a cute 23yo..

[HelloKitty]

I'm finding it rather easy to find ppl to date me. I had a heterosexual boyfriend, hot as hell but a little pushy so I dumped him. Then I got involved in a 3 way relationship with a guy and girl and it's working. Then I met this super awesome girl who I really like and she has been flirting with me in a way that says, "I want you," lol.

So I think you just need to meet the right people and stuff will happen.

[HelloKitty]

I also find the slightly under 20's crowd to have the highest interest in me, dunno why cuz being mid 30's, would rather date mid 20'@-late 20's

[Mogu]

Definitely harder than being cis. But with the increase of online dating and such, I think it's just going to get easier.

[Ltl89]

I hope we get to hear some nice success stories here.  I'd like to one day have a family and get married,  so I'm all ears for those who made that work after transitioning.   Especially from straight women because my big fear is that guys won't be accepting of this.

Oh, it sucks to want to date, but not be able to.  I wish I knew how to start, but it's so hard when you are in the midst of transitioning.   I don't know if I'd appeal to straight or gay guys alike.  Loneliness is fun, right?

[Oriah]

Eh, I dunno.  I never had a hard time or lack of offers, though they weren't all savory candidates

[pebbles]

My experience this seems to be the case... Had boyfriends, Most don't stay with me longer than a few weeks, Guess what I told them that made them leave me after a few weeks? same story over and over again.

I've given up looking personally.

[Kim 526]

@JRD Very sorry for your loss.

[Shaina]

Speaking from the other side, I think that age and orientation are the biggest factors.

Of my friends, only the people my age (early twenties) or younger seem open to dating trans people. And that's only the women; my male friends seem to have some aversion to it. 

Another factor might be your race/culture. I think it might be more difficult if you come from a religious culture or you're a POC simply because I've encountered more transphobia in those communities.

[Xhianil]

It's not hard at all, i say I've already found the love of my life and he supports me on being trans fully!