Hello everyone.

[Andrea_LS]

Hello everyone on Susan's.

To be honest I'm not sure how long my stay will be here, and I'm a little intimidated by forums and rankings and scores and etc...

Anyway, you can call me Andrea or Andy for short. I'm 26 and came out to myself early this year (May 2013) as being a male to female transsexual. As with most girls like me, burdens were lifted and anxieties compounded. I'm 6 months into my transition right now. I have severe social anxiety and no friends, save a few acquaintances I rarely talk to. I'm nearly a shut-in right now, but I don't plan to be forever (how dull). My immediate family and some other nice people they know are aware about me and my gender identity, and I've had the luck of them being supportive. Truly, transition is like learning how to live again, and if I could express it in a single word, it'd be "difficult". For me, all in all, transition is all about living my life genuinely. This year has been the first time I've felt like I'm a whole person. Also, I identify as lesbian, and I sincerely hope that one day I'll overcome my tremendous fear of rejection by other women (rocky dating past...). Years ago I resolved to be eternally single. I don't know if that will always hold true, but if my confidence and self-esteem continue to grow, perhaps my feelings about having friends or a love relationship may change.

As far as hobbies go, I consider myself pretty computer-savvy, and I enjoy art, music, foreign languages (especially Japanese), psychology, philosophy, sewing... Lots of things. I also have a strong passion for Japanese animation.

Anyway, sorry to be long-winded, but I hope I'll find something fulfilling here.
Thanks for having me.

[Cindy]

Hi, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

There are no rankings, no scores just meet friends and be happy!

Hugs and Welcome!

Cindy

[Andrea_LS]

Thank you, Cindy. I'll be sure to read and abide by them

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Andrea,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8745 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.


Janet  )O(

[Devlyn]

Hi Andrea, welcome to Susan's Place! I live near Boston. Grab some snacks and stick around for a while! Hugs, Devlyn

[Andrea_LS]

Thank you all!

[Shaina]

Hi Andy!

First, welcome to Susans. I hope you find this community to be as supportive as your family! 
I found the site a bit intimidating at first too but everyone is super nice. And if someone happens to be mean to you let me know lol!

::HUGS::

[Andrea_LS]

Thank you Shaina I'm happy to be here.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Hey andy,

welcome and good luck with your transition 


btw your hobbies are very similar to mine,
especially about japanese , I do japanese for 2 years now and I also love anime,

you know when I watch anime I cant help it but feel jealous when I see ,you know, anime girls , I wish one day I could be like them...
do you feel this way too? or is it just me XD

also one time when i was seeing my therapist , he was like , "yeah maybe you are not transgendered maybe you just want to be like a feminine boy just like in anime" and i was like "jesus man you got it mixed up again , I want to be a girl how many times do I have to say it ? even better if im just like an anime girl " and then he finally got it 
or something like that XD

[Darkie]

Do you go to cons?  I work at some of them and a lot of the cons I work at has Greg Ayers at them and he always has an It Gets Better panel where you can meet other people like us.  Met one of my best friends from here that way!

[Andrea_LS]

This is where I entered Susan's and this is basically where I'll take my leave. Thanks for existing online and helping so many people, that's a really good thing.

I might still read things on here for information and such but I feel that I'm not contributing anything substantial and generally just out of place here (I know, sounds crazy with such a variety of people). I feel like I'm not gaining anything other than what I would if I simply visit as a guest. Maybe it's just how I relate (or don't) to people.

Anyway, signing off, A.L.S.

[Andrea_LS]

Well, hello again.

I find myself still cut off from the world of having friends and supportive people in my life, and last few attempts to find acceptance online basically ended in misery (gotta love bigots, you know).

I'm not sure how much I'll post in here these days, maybe just read things. I updated my profile picture with a rather nice picture I somehow managed to grab via my webcam. Honestly I feel intensely ugly and freakish ... yet at the same time I can see my looks are slowly (at a snail's pace) improving... It's a strange kind of ambivalence that transition has brought upon me. Everything -- satisfaction, joy, contentment, belonging, love -- is in Limbo~Land.

I'm basically agorophobic though attempting to push myself to do things. I still get scared to death to exit my room without nice clothes and makeup on, or else just look like a ... well, like a (gay?) guy. I keep every picture I've taken on this journey on my PC and regularly look at them to remind myself how I've changed... And I definitely see it.

I feel like I look nice when I do myself up, as exhausting as it is, but still I only get gendered correctly if I tell someone I'm trans. It makes me feel terrible, so... I just hope that there's more physical changes to come. It's a constant battle. I'm 6'1" and can't get myself over ~140 pounds. I eat... like, everything. I can't eat three meals a day or I feel sick to my stomach. I have no income right now and due to complications/disability can't work either, and aid all ran out. So thanks to all that nervous energy I am a skinny bean-pole with angled features everywhere I have to cover up. My skin is... overall Ok but places I tried shaving when I began transition, I was terribly unskilled, and there's still scars and ingrown hairs I can't get rid of, making the areas a girl usually shows off (chest, legs, tummy) places I have to cover at all times.

Sorry, just a lot on my mind and tons of anxiety. So I have my plate full, and maybe I just need to be reminded that I'm not the only one stuck in transition limbo, waiting to be pretty, or just acceptable.

So, yeah, I don't know how much I'll "jump in" and post with you all nice people, but...

I'm back.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Welcome back,,,

transition is an anxious process indeed,,,but I really want to see what is going to change , so lets hang in there.

[Jamie D]

Andrea, that is a cute avatar picture.  Let me say something about height...

6' 1" is not out-of-the-ordinary for a natal woman.  I have three daughters.  The eldest is 5' 10"; the middle one is a fraternal twin who is 5' 5" with a 6' 6" brother; the youngest is 6' 0" and still growing.  Neither of the two tall ones are ever mistaken for men.  Nor would I mistake you for one.

You are on the slender side, but I hope you can get back into work and have an income soon.

Scars and ingrown hairs are annoying, but not insurmountable, and go away in time.

Limboland is no fun, but keep your eye on the future, where you will blossom into your authentic self.

And you are not out of place!  You are among friends 

[Cindy]

Jump in and out as much as you wish honey.

Just take your time and feel comfortable.

BTW you are very cute!

[IamLIZ]

I feel that we are kindred spirits. What's helping me is taking things one step at a time. Put the demons out of your head. Focus on healing. Good words to sleep by

Good night

[MaríaJosé]

Hi Andy! And hello to all the great people here!

I'm also new myself having recently come to terms with my MtF reality and committed myself to transition.

I was very scared and unsure for a long time, but finding this community is one of the best things that happened to me.

From the sidelines I read with much glee all the experiences you all shared here and the courage and trust and support of every one here.

This community truly helped me come to terms with myself, and finally take the most important decision of my life: to live as the woman I truly am and stop being a prisoner in my own skin.

It's both a terrifying and thrilling moment, and am so happy and relieved to have such an amazing group of people to share it all with. Don't feel alone anymore! And it's so less scary with all you guys/gals around!

Andy, you're not alone! None of us are!

And always remember: things are NEVER as bad as they seem in our own minds! I think you look really cute in your avatar, Andy.

Forget the little problems – they'll sort themselves out with time.

Love and kisses,
Maria José
(Just another new girl here)

P.S.
I want leave you with the lyrics of this beautiful song by Bob Marley, they always cheer me up:

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ( " This is my message to you-ou-ou")

Singin:  " Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin: " Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to the family Andrea! I hope you understand that nothing is wrong with you at all. Most of our own stories are very much like yours. I can honestly say this family saved my life, for real! I was depressed and had no idea what was wrong. Things became very chaotic and by chance one night (which was going to be my last) I found this wonderful family and took their advice to see a gender therapist. After speaking to one and learning all about transition here I knew what had been wrong with me my whole life, Gender Dysphoria. I was a Flight Paramedic/Firefighter and had never heard the term before. I started the transition process and my whole life opened up. My first day dressed was my first Full Time day ever. It felt so good to be me and I felt free for the first time in my life. The people here will help however they can in your journey of discovery. The information you get here is not a guess, but information by people living and undergoing transition through various stages. It is just priceless to have access to someone who actually experience's all of the stages, successes and failure's. I hope you stick around a while and get comfortable with us. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to help you feel at home.

[Andrea_LS]

FalseHybridPrincess, Jamie, Cindy, Liz, Maria, and Jessica -- Thank you so much for your kind words 

I'm still making slow but sure progress in my journey... Lots of uncertainty still, but thankfully, uncertainty can be the space that wonderful things I can't imagine yet can appear in

[antonia]

You go girl!

I know the feeling when you just want to shut out the world and work on your own things, I think all of us felt like this in a way, as a woman pretending to be a guy it was hard to face the world every day.

At the end of the day (or decade) I personally made the hard decision that even if I make some friends, family and strangers uncomfortable my happiness is more important.

Sounds like you are in a good place and making it a great place.

Hugs