Helping women as a guy

[Frank]

I, by nature, am a helpful person. If I see an old guy struggling to carry his stuff to his truck, I'll gladly walk through rain to help him. But lately I've noticed women generally tend to avoid me by crossing the street or sliding around me with as much distance as is possible in a hall. Not all women, but there does seem to be a general size up like "Is this guy a serial killer or rapist?" even with the ones that let me help. It seems to me this might also be caused by brown skin colour but I'm from the country and don't really have a feel for racism. I think I'm going to have to relearn how to help people. Anyone noticed this changeover?

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Hhhhm I dont know , girls sometimes get afraid when they see a big guy or somethin especially when they are in a group and if its night...I would cross the street to avoid a group of guys , I wouldnt though if it was just one, I would walk right pass him hoping im not gonna die or somethin

Thats not the case though, im just wierd I guess...

I dont know if that was offensive
I think thats the case though and not racism issues...

or maybe its eer a pride issue?
you said you want to help girls when they need it? thats very nice id like that  but some maybe would just try to avoid you cause getting help from a stranger would make them eer less proud?kinda? you know...

yet again I was helpful...NOT lol

[Brooke777]

My cis-female friends are extremely cautious around men. They just don't trust them very much. Plus, as a woman, you have to always wonder why the guy is really helping. I have noticed that very few men offer to do something nice for me without wanting something in return. Unless you are in a rather ethnically divided area, it probably has nothing to do with your skin color. I'm sorry that I have no advice for you other than just keep being nice and help those you can.

[Adam (birkin)]

I remember the first time I really scared a woman...she was looking at a map, and I too had been standing behind her and looking at it trying to read the damn thing. Finally I said jovially, "Not a great map, is it?" She jumped and I was probably equally startled lol. I told her I was so sorry for startling her, that I was just trying to find the Dining Centre. She seemed to feel better after that.

Since then I just try to be aware of the fact that I will make some women uncomfortable and I have to try and respect their feelings as much as I can. A lot of women have had bad or creepy experiences with guys and you get to the point where it's like "I don't even know if I can trust this person, what are his intentions?"

I'd try not to take it personally. Also, if they seem uncomfortable as you're helping, I find that having a really light-hearted demeanor can make a difference. I'm a pretty smiley person and that seems to set most people at ease, and I try to make little jokes about the situation.

[Frank]

Oh yeah, I'm not offended at all. I was just curious about other people's experiences. I already knew women have to be careful anyway. Maybe they shouldn't have to but this isn't a perfect world, so I'm not hurt by them being cautious.

[aleon515]

No, but then I am 5'1" and small frame and "older". But I've seen children shy away from me, but no doubt they were told not to talk to strangers and particularly men.

--Jay

[Kreuzfidel]

This was one of the first things I noticed when I began passing 100%.  Women crossing the street when I approached them on the footpath - avoiding walking near me when alone in a hallway or street, etc.  Then again, I live in a large city with a high crime rate, so it's not surprising - although it really does give you that different perspective.

I often help everyone though, regardless of age or gender.  I'm just a helpful person - and 99% of the time people don't seem to react negatively to it.  I've only ever had one woman act really noticeably resentful of my offer to help her after she knocked over her trolley full of flatpacked boxes - and basically I believe the reason was that she was just embarrassed.

[Ashey]

I've noticed since starting HRT that I've become more cautious and defensive around men. Seems to be a similar experience lol.

[evecrook]

a long time ago I was a hippie and did quite a lot of drugs. The people you deal with getting drugs are a different breed. I learned to deal with these characters on their level. Since starting HRT I seem to have become quite wary of guys in general and the rougher set in particular.

[Simon]

I wonder if it's something about demeanor that brings this on. I say that because I'm not a small guy in size or stature, yet women tend to make eye contact with me and often a smile is exchanged. Could it be that some people just appear friendlier than others? I'm not saying everyone in here is like this but of the ftm's I knew in the past a lot of them tried to act hard thinking it would make them pass better. You know...the scowl and the little thug walk (it was really comical looking more than anything). Could it be the way people dress? I think there is more to it than women seeing a man and automatically assuming they're a threat. 

[SlateRDays]

As I am I don't really do that. Alot of women here and men will just look straight forward as they walk. I usually do this if the person i glance at the blur of my eye (I'm looking straight ahead but not making direct eye contact) If I determine something off I'll just keep walking forward but move over a few steps to the side. I try not to give off that weird vibe that I'm actually afraid of you. However, sometimes I'll break the tension, make eye contact and either speak or nod.

In terms of helping I help men and women if they need it. I hold the door open, and just use basic manners and smile genuinely. If I transitioned I'd continue to do that same thing regardless of what someone may think, but will remain mindful if the person feels uncomfortable.