How many of you never step out in the streets just cos ur not passable & bullied

[Yenneffer]

Never had this happen because I own it

[Martine A.]

...

Hugs.

Being trans isn't easy. It won't help your feelings per se, but let's start by stating that at current state of my face, I am clockable over 90% if not 100% of the time. Occasionally, I get angry stare from that Hispanic looking guy or that far Eastern guy, sounds of disgust from a black woman, excited Brit tourists pointing at me, or two Russian chicks commenting me (as if I couldn't catch word or two), ... and so on.

In other words - it sucks to be me. I still go out and don't want to miss all that entertainment outside. Dutch themselves generally won't bother me, but there are stories of people even being beaten up badly by tourists. I myself wouldn't walk past group of more than 3 Moroccans, would prefer to never go in such part of the city, and to change street if I meet a stray pack. The point I start from is that while I stay away from potentially troubled areas, nobody will risk messing up their lives by harming me.

That said, I have a lot of chance to practice anti-clocking, that is basically shaming people for clocking you. If those seem to be normal family people, just stare back at them. Pick a face. Accusing. Poker face (wtf are you staring at me). Disgust (what a handful of bigots).

Other clockers that seem more dangerous seek confrontation. No eye contact. But you can stare at a point just near their heads. That way they are made uncomfortable because they know you see them, but there is no eye contact and that is what blocks them from initiating conversation. That situation should cause them to go back about their business -- that is, stop staring. If they don't that's bad. Have 112 / 911 / police_nr ready.

That is my recipe that might not even hold water in LGBT hostile countries or those countries where the police is like 10 years late once called. One more thing that may matter is that I still have my T and losing muscle mass is still a TODO. I can and will fight back if necessary.

Between those encounters, I sit in a restaurant, enjoy traveling across the Netherlands, go take a ride in an entertainment park, cruise through a city for a photo session, just take a walk, go shopping, and love thoughts of the future when my face will actually pass. 

*

[Amy1988]

Am I the only one? I am only semi-passable. I get clocked 50/50. And their stares are really annoying and worse when they start bullying calling bullcraps as: 'This is man, what is this, what is this thing, what's this creature, yuck' etc... I get seriously fed up and I never go out on the streets anymore, just forcibly to go to grocery to buy food and to pay my bills. I wanna go and live life, I wanna go to parks, cinema, shopping malls, hang out with friends(even my friends are embarassed to walk with me cos I attract to many stares), nightclubs. I can't do any of those cos all people always spoil my mood with their effing stares and never-ending insults. I don't feel like living until I get FULL FFS & SRS. For now I'm just like a pupa in its cocoon waiting impatiently to be a butterfly one day. And concerning work, I work at home. I'm scared I fail to never have FFS & SRS, my entire life will be ruined and all this transition wouldn't make sense by the end and worse I can't even backtrack, I've reached too far to and middle way now. How many of you don't go out just cos you're unpassable and how to you deal with this sh*t.

It breaks my heart to here stories like yours.  Makes me realize how lucky I am and how cruel and unfair nature can be.  I hope things work out for you and that you can work out of your home.  Just out of curiosity, what kind of work do you do out of your home?

[iKate]

Further to my last post, I really don't even care now. I just go out. People are friendly to me. Extremely so in fact. I have no idea why. Kids come up to me and say hi and smile. They do gender me correctly and their parents do. And I'm pretty sure I don't pass 100%. But I always get treated like a lady.

I know I wear my hair differently these days too. That helps. I wear makeup more. That helps too. And I'm forced to be silent due to the resting period from my voice surgery.

Yet I still think I'm getting FFS and body contouring (and GRS). I'm just not sure what people think and even though I don't care it still bothers me a teeny amount.

[Evolving Beauty]

Hugs.

Being trans isn't easy. It won't help your feelings per se, but let's start by stating that at current state of my face, I am clockable over 90% if not 100% of the time. Occasionally, I get angry stare from that Hispanic looking guy or that far Eastern guy, sounds of disgust from a black woman, excited Brit tourists pointing at me, or two Russian chicks commenting me (as if I couldn't catch word or two), ... and so on.

In other words - it sucks to be me. I still go out and don't want to miss all that entertainment outside. Dutch themselves generally won't bother me, but there are stories of people even being beaten up badly by tourists. I myself wouldn't walk past group of more than 3 Moroccans, would prefer to never go in such part of the city, and to change street if I meet a stray pack. The point I start from is that while I stay away from potentially troubled areas, nobody will risk messing up their lives by harming me.

That said, I have a lot of chance to practice anti-clocking, that is basically shaming people for clocking you. If those seem to be normal family people, just stare back at them. Pick a face. Accusing. Poker face (wtf are you staring at me). Disgust (what a handful of bigots).

Other clockers that seem more dangerous seek confrontation. No eye contact. But you can stare at a point just near their heads. That way they are made uncomfortable because they know you see them, but there is no eye contact and that is what blocks them from initiating conversation. That situation should cause them to go back about their business -- that is, stop staring. If they don't that's bad. Have 112 / 911 / police_nr ready.

That is my recipe that might not even hold water in LGBT hostile countries or those countries where the police is like 10 years late once called. One more thing that may matter is that I still have my T and losing muscle mass is still a TODO. I can and will fight back if necessary.

Between those encounters, I sit in a restaurant, enjoy traveling across the Netherlands, go take a ride in an entertainment park, cruise through a city for a photo session, just take a walk, go shopping, and love thoughts of the future when my face will actually pass. 

*

This is a very nice recipe. I wished I could use that before but I never had the guts. I become in that state only when they got physically aggressive and that's ugly to see cos once in 2009, I ended up taking out knife to stab someone and another time I slammed one inside a bus with umbrella onto his face cos he was trying to pull my wig that time. I strived to ignore the max I could but thanks god this nightmare is now over. Pfffft!

[Evolving Beauty]

It breaks my heart to here stories like yours.  Makes me realize how lucky I am and how cruel and unfair nature can be.  I hope things work out for you and that you can work out of your home.  Just out of curiosity, what kind of work do you do out of your home?

Thanks a lot sweetie but this post date since 2013. I now pass but still not perfectly but way better since thanks god, get clocked very rare once a blue moon. What work I use to do at home? Well in the country I was we don't have that luck that Western transgenders have and legal rights of anti-discrimination like in U.K for example. Inside my house I was a call girl, that's all what 99% transgenders do in my country. We didn't have job opportunity like western girls. It's only until I fled to Europe and asked for political asylum that my life started to smoothen a bit now.

[Amy1988]

This isnt meant to sound harsh but, transitioning socially is hard.

I consider myself incredibly lucky because I've never once been the subject of any bullying, no one has ever called anything transphobic out to me, I've never been stared at. However, and its a big however, I transitioned very slowly because I knew, I couldn't take the stress of being abused..
I took hormones and presented as male, I did this until people assumed I was female regardless of what I did. I then, very slowly began to alter my dress sense. I didn't just throw a dress on a skip down the streets...
I'm not saying people shouldn't just dress how they want whenever they want, and I'm not excusing the horrid behaviour of disgusting people who abuse others. What I am saying is, If you're struggling to cope with the fact that you don't pass, maybe just continue with hrt and slowly present as more androgynous.

This is actually excellent advice.  Well done.

[Martine A.]

I slammed one inside a bus with umbrella onto his face cos he was trying to pull my wig that time.

Those thoughts are horrific. Due to hair loss, I am confined to wigs. Going to a riskier walk, I'd just have spare wig in my bag, and one fail-safe bandana.

[Amy1988]

I'm kind of in the same situation as you, except now every time I open my mouth, people get shocked, or something. (Long hair and a little more fat on the face does a lot. Even with a visible adams.) Something that makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable about having to meet new people and ordering food at a restaurant. This is all no makeup, wearing guy clothes. But that doesn't stop me. We all need friends (whether or not they know NOW) and I have to eat. Apparently not too healthy of food, though, since *most* healthy food isn't something you order, it's something you make yourself I haven't yet (in the last 4 months) met someone who said they knew I was a guy from first glance. They ALL said something like, Oh, I thought you were a girl. *Intermal smile*

Anyway, I have no choice but to go out. I live 40 mins walking distance from my work, so I can either walk or take the bus, both of which I will be in the vicinity of many people of all ages. My doctor is 1.5 hours away by subway, so, can't avoid the public there either. Weekends, I will not stay inside. I just can't. 

Having said all that, I do try to time my bathroom occurrences to match when I might have to go to being home/in a privat-er bathroom (at a small restaurant).

I pretent to be a mute and pass notes.  It works great.  I point to the scar on my throat from a trachea shave and whisper that I've had throat surgery and can't speak.  That always works.  Coworkers will order for me when we go out to lunch.  Really sweet.

[Lady_Oracle]

This isnt meant to sound harsh but, transitioning socially is hard.

I consider myself incredibly lucky because I've never once been the subject of any bullying, no one has ever called anything transphobic out to me, I've never been stared at. However, and its a big however, I transitioned very slowly because I knew, I couldn't take the stress of being abused..
I took hormones and presented as male, I did this until people assumed I was female regardless of what I did. I then, very slowly began to alter my dress sense. I didn't just throw a dress on a skip down the streets...
I'm not saying people shouldn't just dress how they want whenever they want, and I'm not excusing the horrid behaviour of disgusting people who abuse others. What I am saying is, If you're struggling to cope with the fact that you don't pass, maybe just continue with hrt and slowly present as more androgynous.

I remember reading this thread but not this post. This is exactly what I've wanted to say on here for so long. This was basically how I handled my transition. I couldn't bear any emotional abuse in those early years because my mental health back then was in very fragile state, so I took my time. Now I can handle anything with no problem since I'm healthy and strong enough to be able to but it took time to build myself back up after being completely torn apart. I finally gained back my confidence within the past two years or so and that's something I'm still working on.

[Jayne]

When I was first trying to get HRT it was a requirement to present as your true gender, whilst that has now been dropped I cannot go back to male mode without getting depressed, I hardly ever go out now which causes its own kind of depression.
Avoiding going out right now is the lesser of two evils for me until I can pass reasonably, unfortunately that will take some time.

[Ange]

I quite agree with what is said above. And personnally I'd just say... Uh... Be natural ? That's easy for me because I really don't care about being seen as a man. Actually I find crossdressing in male pretty fun, and really easy when you're a biological man.   I understand that's not everyone's case though.

When I was 17 I was really sensitive to the fact that I wanted to be seen by people as my real self. People not knowing my real self was something very annoying. The solitude of being invisible was burning me. But that's silly. People will never really grasp your true self. Even my mother, who watched and listened to me days and night couldn't. In the end, I stopped worrying about the ability for people to see me as who I was. I don't care anymore. I don't need them for me to exist. If I can get them closer to me, it's fine and fun. If not, that's life. I don't think I'm very different from most cis-people out there, on this topic. And I've dressed as a man for 10 years after that.

Funnily enough, I'm still totally trans. (but I feel a lot better than 10 years ago !) I'm more trans than I ever was. Being a woman is something that lays deep inside of me. I don't even think it's related to gender. I'm quite OK with being a boy. I think it's just something in your guts ; something in your very flesh. That's not related to clothes, in my case, but I might have thought so years ago. That was just a lie preventing me to see the real thing, and peace came with it. Once I achieved peace and happiness, I was able to see what "being a woman" real meant to me. And I started transitionning. Quite a peaceful journey, but still hard and full of pain. I don't think I'd like to have made it 10 years ago, when I was cutting myself and drinking wine early in the morning. It's a lot easier to journey now. 

But here again, it's only MY story. Not everyone is the same, and I don't think the "trans" word covers people with the exact same "problem".  So that might not be useful for everyone. To me clothes were just a passing neurosis, but for some it can be the core of the problem. I don't want to insult you. In fact I believe there's various very different kind of "trans", and I think all of them are logical and nice. There can be different good reasons to make the same journey. People are truly different.

So if your main concern is the clothes, then maybe it's what you need right now. You most likely know that a lot better than I do. Just be aware than people on the street won't see you as a woman, but as a transperson. That might not be what you want either.

My 2 cents.

Kisses anyway. 
(I know this thread is outdated)

[CrysC]

I currently pass mostly with people who have weak eyesight that are standing more than 20 feet away.  It's a start. 
I need long hair again and think that's true for most of us. 

Anyhow, so sticking with the original point, yea.. going out and not passing is scary. 
With that said, I am about to come out at work.  My job involves working with many people across multiple organizations and even occasionally presenting at conferences to thousands of people.  So I admit coming out and speaking at a conference makes me want to create glitter in my panties.  The thing is, everybody will already know.  Even if I passed completely, which I really want, my daily life will still be immersed with people that know I wasn't born female.  If I was able to pass then the best I could ever get would be, "I would never have thought you were a guy."

I suppose the question is, if people don't physically harm you then how much does this matter really?  Look at Martine Rothblatt or even Caitlyn Jenner who both are very much in the spotlight.  They are people too just like us but with more money.  If they can handle it at that scale, I am hoping that I will be able to handle it at mine. 
Now I just need to get rid of that stupid little voice in my head that keeps interrupting my thoughts with, "Good luck with that!"

[Devlyn]

FYI, it isn't site policy to delete a thread because it's old. The information is useful and helpful to each new generation of members, and everyone is free to post in them. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Amy1988]

It must be your area. Even in the intersection of thugville and redneckton (Northeast Louisiana), I never got bullied for being trans.

Hell everyone should just come to New Orleans. You can drive down Rampart / St. Claude and 4 times out of 5 you'll see somebody who isn't cisgender. Almost every time I drive down that street (which is every day after work), I see somebody that I can't tell what gender they are. Nobody messes with me here, even in St. Bernard people don't bother me. My neighbor gets crap from time to time but she doesn't really fall under the passing category, and it's really rare. However when she's in New Orleans or Metairie, nobody bothers her at all.

Heck, twice I've interacted with law enforcement in New Orleans and they've seen my ID, both times they let me off. One time I punched a cisgender woman in the face (self defense), he wrote us both a ticket but never turned them in... another time one dropped a ticket from running a stop sign to a seat belt ticket. Doctors almost always say something about how non discriminatory their office is with me, too.

I grew up in north west Louisiana. 

[Amy1988]

kids are something else . I've been stared at while their mother is dragging them and they keep staring whether I'm in total male or total female mode

Yeah kids are the ultimate pass/fail test.  I have always done well around kids.  I was at the dentist a few weeks ago kids running around the waiting room not one gave me so much as a glance.  I often get smiles from little girls and it always warms my heart.

[ana1111]

im sorta confused... I thought you said in another post you had a straight boyfriend who thought you were a cis girl and were asking how to tell him the truth....I would think to do that you would need to be one hundred percent passable....?? was it an online relationship or something???

[ana1111]

hmm I think I just answered my own question! this thread is from 2013.... so I guess you got your surgeries and things are going better I hope 

[Evolving Beauty]

im sorta confused... I thought you said in another post you had a straight boyfriend who thought you were a cis girl and were asking how to tell him the truth....I would think to do that you would need to be one hundred percent passable....?? was it an online relationship or something???

It was indeed me, this post here is a very old one. And the time I met that guy I started becoming already fairly passable with face fillers but you know it happens sometimes that people who live closest with you don't clock and some others who don't know anything of you just clock you right away. I'm still not knowing whether you're talking of the guy of mid 2014 or this year 2015 around March cos it's the only 2 oops wait... 3... recently again 1st week of this July. I NEVER generally say what I am until it gets dead serious as these 3.

[Martine A.]

but thanks god this nightmare is now over. Pfffft!

Oh my, I should definitely start having look at the date of the OP. I thought I was comforting someone who is being discomfy now. Glad things worked out for you. As you can see from my post, it is a hell out there for me and I still go out.