How far would you go to stay in the closet?

[Blastradius]

For a long time (as long as I can remember) I have struggled with the fear of having to eventually come out to my family and friends because I don't know how they will handle it, and because I don't feel I'm ready. This has led me to many situations in which I had to compromise on something in order to not out myself. So my question is: have you ever had to make a compromise or give something up in order to stay in the proverbial closet? And to you ladies who have already come out I applaud your courage.


Today I finally caved to getting a haircut, which I really didn't want to do but it was literally come out to the guys in the fire department that I have been with for six years, leave or adhere to the new SOPs that had just been voted in that said men couldn't have hair lower then the collar. I did manage to kind of compromise because I got a bob cut so it still looks somewhat feminine I guess.

[evecrook]

its your choice. you can live the rest of you life never saying anything if you want.

[eerie]

It is easy to shock someone who cares about you with things like that. And it is kind of egoistic behaviour, but the thing is, the time might come when it is not possible any more to contain yourself... it is all about damage management, I think such things should come out in small dosages. Not like: "Hey, my dear family, I have been on hormones for 2 years, and here are my boobs, and the cock is gone, and I wear pink dress with ruffle." Things can be done gradually, like one day you tell them about your mood swings, and that sometimes you feel bad, and you feel like something is not right with your body... and after some time you add on top of that, give people time to process all bits of information you lay down on them. People's psyche is quite malleable, but not in an instant...

[evecrook]

yea, freedom feels great

[Aina]

Blast it is what I am struggling with currently myself.
But I am not sure what my family would say. I have a feeling they must know since I haven't dated since I was in middle-school. I've been asked a few times if I was gay and I'd say no.

I had feelings and wanting to be female as far back as I can remember, but it never crossed my mind that I was transgender till late middle-school, but I always denied it. Saying there was no way I'd only become female unless they find a way to fully make me female.

Yet I pushed on with my secret life, pretending to be female in online games. Slowly I am revealing to friends of mine online that I am transgender. I will say it is a slight relief, yet I am far from having the courage to tell my family.

[KabitTarah]

All the closet does is increase the pain when you finally have to come out. I hate the closet from when I was in it to myself and I hate the closet now (though I can see how it's necessary during transition).

That said... IMO you need to be sure of who you are before you come out of it... maybe not 100% (how many of us ever understand ourselves completely?) but unless you're a kid trying to get help from parents you can't be early in your questioning and tell everyone.

[Ltl89]

Yes, I've been there.  I've also cut my long hair in the past.   Nowadays, I'm not as afraid and out to more and more people.  It's never easy though.  Before I told anyone else, I shut myself very deep in the closet.  And even though I have made progress and told quite a few others, I'm still have troubling fully kicking the door down.  It's funny though because everyone that knows me can tell something is going on.  Still, I am afraid and learning how to handle it.  What I will say is that the more and more I open the closet door, the better I feel about myself.  I'm coming to find that staying hidden is much more costly than I ever realized.  It's a false comfort because you sacrifice yourself in exchange.  To be honest, I don't know how much longer I can keep up the facade in my everyday life.  I just want to live as me, but I'm so terrified to do so.  Perhaps, the most important thing I've given up to remain in the closet is myself.  That won't last much longer.  Soon enough, the whole world will know the real me, and I'll be so thankful to be free.   For now, I'm taking my transition one step at a time and feeling better with each one that I take. 

[Jill F]

Until it literally almost killed me.  Hey, I tried until I was 43.  I thought for a long time I could die with my secret intact, but it was not to be.

[KabitTarah]

Until it literally almost killed me.  Hey, I tried until I was 43.  I thought for a long time I could die with my secret intact, but it was not to be.

I can relate to that sentiment. I was in the closet 'til 35... and also (very) slowly dying. Now I've still got issues with being healthy... but it's more like everyday person with emotional (dysphoria) eating types of issues, not obese with (early) diabetes and constant closeted dysphoria types of issues.