19 year old Girlfriend of a Transgender

[paprikademe]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the answers - they really brighten up my day!

I know it might be silly for me to ask you lovely people instead of going straight to the main source, but I really wanted to ask you all these questions because it really helps put into perspective what I should prepare for - I don't want to be whining and worrying to her about the future all the time (I worry constantly as it is!) so it's lovely to hear all your experiences and support!! <3

Jojoglowe - Thank you so much for your answers - they really help put mine and Rose's relationship into perspective, and its so nice to be able to just see what it's like for someone else. I really hope you're right and that if she does decide to go into transitioning, that I will find enough courage to help support her - I'd really like to think love will conquer! If I have more questions I will definitely private message you, as you have been so helpful and supportive.

At this time, I am just getting used to the fact that she has her womanly days and her manly days. I've noticed when she's stressed or with friends she goes back into her manly, reserved self - does anyone else find that you have days like that? I'm learning to be patient really, and most nights, she returns to her fragile (you were right Jojoglowe), adorable self. It doesn't help that we're not actually living together yet. We have a phone call nearly every night and meet up every 2-4 weeks if we can. The distance can make it somewhat difficult to be consistent(?) with her being her and not him, but again I'm just trying to be patient.

I would really like to believe I will not let my parents' opinions stop me from doing what I want and being who I want to be, for Rose. Admittedly, I do worry that I'm getting carried away (I'm an overthinker, if you've not guessed already!), but only time will tell

Felix - thank you for your answer, I really hope that mine and Rose's relationship will last but that if it doesn't, we can remain close friends, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me <3

LordKat - I will definitely try to be as open for Rose as I can be. It can be difficult, we're both strong-minded people, but I don't ever want her to feel that she can't open up to me about her worries or needs.

Jamie D - Thank you for replying. I have learnt that Rose has been depressed before about all this, and it led her to do things that I don't fully agree with. However I am determined that even if our relationship doesn't work I can still be there for her, I love her way too much to see her get that low again.

Ms Grace and Gennee - you are both absolute sweethearts. Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face!

Here's a question: I understand that most of you are from the U.S. but how easy or difficult has it been for you and your partners to find others that fall into the trans umbrella? Other than this wonderful site of course! Has there been ways for you to meet people in similar situations? Jojoglowe - did you find making friends difficult during the transitioning process?

Thanks again everyone!! *HUGS*

[FrancisAnn]

I was also a TGered young "man" with a girl friend/wife. We tried however it became evident that I neeed to become a woman & perhaps enjoy men. My wife & the love of my life needed a normal man.

It was very difficult since we both loved each other however we both finally went our seperate ways to find new love.

I have not read all of your posts however it may be difficult for you with your "man"

Good luck to you for a very nice life & thanks for posting.

[jojoglowe]

At this time, I am just getting used to the fact that she has her womanly days and her manly days. I've noticed when she's stressed or with friends she goes back into her manly, reserved self - does anyone else find that you have days like that?

^this sounds like me  . whenever i'm stressed, or with people who i'm not out to, i revert to "guy mode." it is a sort of defense mechanism. i work in, and grew up in a somewhat bad neighborhood, growing up i learned how to walk to avoid trouble. not sure how to explain it but fast, but not too fast, busy fast, no smile, maybe look ticked off, and shoulders somewhat hunched. all of this, imho, very aggressive and masculine, like the energy of the neighborhood. i don't like walking like that, but i'll revert to it when i'm alone in the 'hood.' and voice and presentation change the same way in that situaiton, or when i'm with peeps who i'm not out to. it stinks, i'd prefer not to, but i think it makes it flow better/less awkwardness for everyone, even if more in some way for me.

like i said in a previous post, i'm hanging out with those friends less and less, and my new friends, who i'm out to, i'm hanging out with much more often. i can be myself, they're way cooler than the old friends and we actually have stuff in common. (many of my old friends, well, we just smoked and drank together, that was about it. it was a pretty destructive past, but it's over )

was it easy making new friends during transition? well, i would have to say yes! so, i'm mostly doing guy mode now, like for work and whenever i don't feel safe being myself. when i was introduced to my girlfriend's friends, i was in guy mode. i've always been the one who makes friends with the new kid that everyone else is picking on, or the dorky kid. lol, i was homecoming "king" in highschool, which was just a popularity contest thing. how/why did i win? well, i didn't try that's for sure, i just never picked on the younger kids, but instead tried to pass on my knowledge and be helpful, and i was friends with all types, nerds, jocks, stoners. (sorry everyone for tossing around all those labels)

...so making friends was easy for me, even easier when they are mutual friends of my girlfriend. after we made friends and i felt safe with them, on an individual level i would let them know about myself, or my gf would ask me if she could tell someone. this all happened within a few weeks of meeting everyone. they were all very nice people so i had no fear or worries. now when i hang out with her friends i can be myself, wear whatever i want. lol, i think her friends prefer me as a girl, they always say i'm much happier.

my first time going out in public was a month or two ago, it was one of my gf's friend's 21st birthday. you know what that means, BAR! it was karaoke night, and i didn't have the confidence to get up and sing a song, but... i didn't get any stares or comments the whole night and some guy kept trying to get me to dance with him. (i've got 0 dancing skills~i think it's something related to growing up a guy, you're supposed to learn to dance like a guy, no way jose, i'll dance like mick jagger)

i think the key to making friends is personal confidence/self-esteem. in my past, i had tons of it, too much . i think it was a way for me to prevent myself from facing reality-that i had none and that i was living an empty life. that superficial confidence sure earned me many superficial friends. the new, authentic confidence and self esteem i'm growing allows for more authentic friends i'm finding.

i'm very lucky in that the city i live in has a HUGE GLBT scene and is super friendly. Ok, so maybe it's more like GLBt, but better than nothin! my gf has a lot of gay friends and going to the gay bars is the best. i'm not that big on bars, but the environment is always warm and inviting, and making friends is what it's all about.

i haven't gone to any local transgender meetups or made friends with any other transgender people locally yet. sometimes someone will tell me they have a transgender friend and i think cool, we should hang out, but it usually falls through. life is busy.

well, i hope you enjoyed my latest rant. i sure can type, lol 

wishing you both the best,
jojo