The little things you miss.

[MaximmusFlavius]

I am now quite far into my transition and have noticed there a few minor things that I miss from before (either when presenting female or whilst presenting male but pre-T). A couple of examples are first off, being able to freely talk about 'girly' hobbies. For example, the other night, I spent the entire evening watching Sex and the City whilst crocheting and drinking herbal tea. It's not something I can now tell other people though as it's considered 'girly' and therefore people will question my male identity if they found out. That's not to say I'm ashamed of it, quite the opposite, but it's not something I'll tell everyone about.

Another thing I miss is now that my voice has dropped, I can no longer wander around the house belting out songs by female artists like I used to. This took me by surprise as I didn't think I would miss that, but I kind of do!!

I'm just curious what little things other people miss, either physically, emotionally or socially. Especially the ones that took you by surprise.

[Ayden]

I at first missed singing and knitting. Of course, that was until I said screw it and (forgive the phrase) maned up. I'm a guy who likes knitting, crafting and having my heart broken by fictional stories. My singing voice has changed greatly but I've learned to sing the songs I love in a lower pitch and despite being overly paranoid about expressing my love for tiny animals at first, I have learned how to sing and squee in a manly fashion.

You don't have to lose the things you enjoy to transition. At most you just have to learn how to make them yours again.

[Edge]

I don't hide my "feminine" hobbies, but I do miss "girly" conversations. At the same time, they make me really uncomfortable though.

[Ayden]

I still have "girly" conversations. No matter what, it's a huge part of the socialization I grew up with. I still participate in them when I can and its almost like a beloved stuffed animal; it's a comfortable feeling. I don't want to cuddle that teddy anymore, I enjoy looking at it and remembering what it meant to me.

[Mr.X]

I don't miss a whole lot because I really despised being girl, and already rarely did girly things to begin with. For example, I never had girly hobbies, nor did I have these 'girly conversations'.

Yet there is one thing I do miss. As a gamer, I was pretty damn cool as a gamer chick. In a (back then) mainly guy dominated world, being a girl was rather special. I never got any special treatment because I was a girl as I would refuse this, but I did love the idea that I was considered to be cool. Now I'm just one of the many nerdy guys out there. Ah well, still worth it!

[Tossu-sama]

I don't miss a whole lot because I really despised being girl, and already rarely did girly things to begin with.

This pretty much, although I did have/still have some "girly" hobbies if you want to call them those (they're really not something I do regularily but I still enjoy them).

For example, I like watching Sex and the City but I openly admit it. Heck, I borrowed the movies from my friend. I mean, Samantha is good enough reason to watch it...

And I guess I have "girly" conversations with my friends which might be because majority of my friends are females... But if someone has a problem with me being a guy and liking k-pop and drooling over smexy guys, they can all buzz off and welcome themselves to the modern world.

Oh yeah, I also enjoy some not-so-manly crafts. Like canvas works.
I blame my grandmother for that.

As a personal note, I don't consider any of the things I mentioned to be girly, though, but I'm aware they're not exactly something your average stereotypical guy does.
But since I'm a guy and I do them, they're manly as heck.

[Edge]

My ex is a huge fan of The Gilmore Girls and openly admits it (to the chagrin of his metalhead friends).
I also have guy friends who are straight who talk about how sexy male fictional characters are.

As a personal note, I don't consider any of the things I mentioned to be girly, though, but I'm aware they're not exactly something your average stereotypical guy does.
But since I'm a guy and I do them, they're manly as heck.

That's cool. I like that.

[aleon515]

I hate the term "man up". I don't feel one should give up anything one enjoys esp. hobbies as there is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about any of them. This is all cultural. I feel boys are raised in a destructive way in our society, that they are raised to not be able to express their feelings. I think this may be the root of misogyny and violence. As for conversation, I find that I don't quite do this like I used to, but I was never one for a lot of small talk anyway.


--Jay

[MaximmusFlavius]

I'm not ashamed of liking what are considered girly things, I just wouldn't talk about it unless I was with a group of people already discussing it who were unaware I was trans (people who know I am trans would more than likely judge my male identity because of liking knitting etc). I also agree it shouldn't matter whether something is girly or manly, but the reality is it does. Having said that, the school I went to taught knitting and sewing etc for 10 years to everyone, regardless of gender. We also were taught woodwork when we were older. I enjoyed both, just knitting is easier to do at home when you don't have much space!!

I do think that trans people in some cases are more likely to have hobbies more commonly associated with the opposite sex as we are more likely to have had the opportunity to do them before transitioning. But that is just a guess I could be wrong.

I have also noticed that I did slightly revel in doing things that meant I was the only girl, or definitely in the minority gender (that was a perk rather than why I did them). I liked the fact that they weren't something that 'girls' normally did.

[Edge]

I feel boys are raised in a destructive way in our society, that they are raised to not be able to express their feelings. I think this may be the root of misogyny and violence.

Yeah the expressing feelings stuff was what I meant by "girly" talk. Most guys I know don't talk about that stuff. It probably contributes to misogyny (the idea that females are more emotional) and prevents males from dealing with their problems in healthy ways. Personally, I don't think it's a root of violence though since I talk about touchy feely stuff all the time and I'm still violent whereas many males I've known were more laid back.

[Natkat]

I somethimes miss the sensation I had in my boobs even when I didnt like them I liked the feeling I got,
I do have sensations in my current cheast but it not so intense.
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Like mr.X I kinda missed being viewed as badass. girls used to call me "cool, strong, boyish"
Now people say im feminine, weak, too skinny and gay.

[Adam (birkin)]

Like mr.X I kinda missed being viewed as badass. girls used to call me "cool, strong, boyish"
Now people say im feminine, weak, too skinny and gay.

Yeah that's basically the only thing I miss.

[BrotherBen]

Being an avid gamer like Mr. X, I also feel like other gamers find me less "special" when they see me as just another guy. Especially in the FPS communities.

Also, I miss letting my fiancée paint my nails. She's a very artistic person, and they always looked amazing, with fancy patterns and stuff. I know some guys have painted nails, especially guys like Dave Navarro with his black nails, but I want to hold off on it for the time being, until I can be read as "guy with nail polish" and not female.

[Kreuzfidel]

I don't miss any hobbies, etc. because I do all of the same things I did pre-T.  I don't miss singing because I hated having a female register.  I don't miss "girly conversations" because I never really had them.  I've found that most of the women I'm around tend to include me in their "girly" conversations when they see that I'm interested in joining in or contributing.  They think nothing of it - or, if they do, they don't make an issue of it. *shrug*

I think that one thing that was "good" about being in the closet, pre-T, was the amount of consideration and sensitivity I was shown when it comes to my mental health issues.  I get almost no sympathy or empathy now and am pretty much expected to suck things up and stop "complaining", even with clinical depression and depersonalisation disorder as well as Meniere's Disease.

[Nikotinic]

Aleon515 - I hate the term 'man up' too. Guante pretty much sums up my feelings on this in his amazing spoken word poem.



One of my favourite hobbies is crafting things. It doesn't really matter what - cake decorating, knitting, crochet, paper craft, chain work. I just love creating things with my hands and like MaximmusFlavius says, it can be kind of hard to fit a workshop into your living room. I still intend to craft but I guess I'll miss getting praise for doing these instead of weird looks (You're a man who knits!?).

[GnomeKid]

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Like mr.X I kinda missed being viewed as badass. girls used to call me "cool, strong, boyish"
Now people say im feminine, weak, too skinny and gay.

Also not feeling like a predator when I go to a Yoga or Pilates class.  Oftentimes I'm already there when other people come in and they typically avoid me like the plague.  I used to go to yoga classes and get mostly a simple greeting from others but now it seems that (almost) all of them look at me like I'm just there to stare at their asses.  There also seems to be more of a proving ground (even with the instructors) that you're not actually there to stare at their (and the classe's) asses.

Part of this could be all in my head, but I have overhead groups of women at the gym discussing how they refuse to talk with any men at the gym ("except blahblahblah he's so nice, such a family man..."  ew.  He's probably jerking off the hardest to you... bitches.) 
It kind of sucks being labeled a pervert before opening your mouth.  Especially when you're just sitting there hoping no one is paying attention to your junk.

[Mr.X]

Also not feeling like a predator when I go to a Yoga or Pilates class.  Oftentimes I'm already there when other people come in and they typically avoid me like the plague.  I used to go to yoga classes and get mostly a simple greeting from others but now it seems that (almost) all of them look at me like I'm just there to stare at their asses.  There also seems to be more of a proving ground (even with the instructors) that you're not actually there to stare at their (and the classe's) asses.

I can see how that can be a real pain in the behind. But then again, maybe you can solve that by just acting a little gay? I think women immediately stop seeing you as a 'predator' when you indicate you don't swing their way.

[aleon515]

Aleon515 - I hate the term 'man up' too. Guante pretty much sums up my feelings on this in his amazing spoken word poem.

Oh yes, I LOVE this guy!!!!! Shared him on my FB. I think trans guys are more into their feelings than cisguys, and I am around trans guys a lot.

--Jay

[Chamillion]

I don't miss very much. I still sing along to Beyonce, why would I stop?

[Jamie D]

I hate the term "man up". I don't feel one should give up anything one enjoys esp. hobbies as there is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about any of them. This is all cultural. I feel boys are raised in a destructive way in our society, that they are raised to not be able to express their feelings. I think this may be the root of misogyny and violence. As for conversation, I find that I don't quite do this like I used to, but I was never one for a lot of small talk anyway.


--Jay

Jay, from someone who was socialized as a male, the term "man up" still conjures up in me images of failure and inadequacy.  They are two very charged words together.