QuoteIs there a way you handle being called out on this? I got called out once on sunglasses, of all things. They are the one thing that are not generally in a clear mens/women's section, at least the cheap ones, I apparently bought a pair women's sunglasses, thinking they were unisex...
I don't get called out, I sometimes get initial odd reactions from people, whereby I can see that they are unsure about what gender I'm supposed to be conveying. I can see that they are working out how to treat me, whether to be amused or not bothered, whether to say something or not etc. I gauge how long they are thinking and react accordingly and before they have a chance to decide for me (which could potentially put me in a humiliating situation), I overtly show them what I'm presenting as.
1. If they seem amused, baffled or hostile about my gender ambiguity through clothing and style - I'll ensure that they hear my deep voice, and may shake hands firmly with them, and make a point of dropping in a subtle hint about my having a girlfriend or being a Mr at somepoint. This usually diffuses any situation as A: they won't have a "gay panic" and B: I will become familiar, and therefore safe and trusted despite the initial perceived weirdness and confusion about me. Therefore no reason to belittle me or beat me up.
2. If they seem to realise I'm gender-queer or want to look feminine, then I'll simply ease off the male traits and let myself be more feminine. I won't feel the need to do any subtle male presentation crap. I can just be myself, which is a natural mixture of masculine and feminine. This second scenario is of course much more preferable and in an ideal world would be the only option I'd wish to encounter.
Some people have asked why I care about people's reactions and why I tailor my response. They ask why I don't just "Say it loud and proud" that I'm genderqueer etc. And my reply to that is that being loud and proud generally p*sses off 99% of the public (most of whom are binary conformists), who when feeling threatened may well become difficult, passive-aggressively or in rare extreme cases - violent. So instead of trying to buck the system by standing up like a nail to be knocked down, instead I simply undermine the system where I can whilst outwardly pretending I'm part of it
If you seem familiar and safe to people, then most won't see you as a threat and therefore they'll be no reactionary response towards you. So I get to wear blatantly feminine coats, blazers, trousers, and have my hair styled-up like a girl, but if someone tries to call-me out as a "->-bleeped-<-" then I just casually bring out the deep voice and react with in-credulousness and a good-humoured response which overtly states that I see myself as male. So they tend to look like idiots, as they would be expecting some sort of stereotypical response from me, and instead I've just acted like they've least expected. Usually they'll either shut-up or strike up a normal conversation with me simply to save-face. Sometimes the convo's lead to genuine enjoyable interaction. Thus the potential situation is avoided.
We owe the public nothing, especially honesty. They'll think what they want about us anyway. So best way to have your cake and eat it is to become really skillful at dealing with all kinds of people - gauging reactions, making-up convincing lies on the spot and generally seeming as non-threatening and charming as possible.
Hope that helps!
