QuoteYour life experience is quite unique and fascinating!
I didn't detect that you feel resentment to your mother who imposed a gender presentation upon you. Nor did I hear indication that you felt uncomfortable in that presentation during your youth.
¶ Well, I did and still do have deep resentment and then acceptance for the trauma of all the moves we made as a family. I have written a not-so-short diatribe on the situation with some memories faded more than others, some very vivid. I imagine that since my dad was higher-echelon as an officer in the submarine service, my mom took certain liberties with protocol and we just hopped all over Europe, North Africa, the East coast of the US and Cuba.
QuoteTell us about now, who you are today.
¶ I am married/widowed/remarried with four surviving children of my own. My wife has her four children and thankfully none are living with us at this point except for an occasional weekend of my wife's babysitting for some of her g-kids.
¶ I am retired (forcibly for medical conditions) and live on disability that I paid into for 43 years as a heavy line mechanic.
QuoteYour feel a 70% identification with genetic females, yes? And your body looks physically male, yes?
¶ Well...not naked..but externally with a modicum of clothing, I present as a natal male, yes. Underneath the thin candy shell I have some physical attributes that are concealed.
QuoteBehaviourally, do others say they perceive you manner to be effeminate, manly, or a combination of the two?
¶ I am not "swishy" and have the scars from altercations with other people and mechanical devices that caused me some great damage and ultimately made me retire as disabled..so..NO, I was doing all the required male things. I have never been called out for acting too femme or out of character. I have a tendency to look for a light of intelligence in someone's eyes and we get on very well from that point on. I love mental gymnastics with people who consider me non-confrontational and although I am an "in the face" type person, I mean them no harm and they very soon detect it.
¶ Talking is one of my greatest traits. Raised as female, I got the full female bonding from maids, nannies, housekeepers and cooks who treated and dressed me as female for all my formative years.
¶ I am much more sentimental. I have a serious problem as I have some sort of total recall memory process...but I suspect there is some selective/protective blocking of my history that may be too hard to handle even yet at my age. Usually my male side of the brain gives me direction, but I can instantly switch to the female side for whatever reason (Maybe I see something that sparkles and catches my attention.
).. and it is a battle to keep them apart and they are sometimes at odds with each other. One side want to emote and talk about things, the other wants to buck up and just fix what's broken.
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In your worldly life, does your current occupation reflect a traditional male or female gender role or is it a gender-free job?
¶ I am retired for all purposes and spend a lot of time fishing, 4-wheel driving and playing guitar and bass for the fun of it. I played in C/W bands during times in the past with my first wife before she passed away. I always presented male to the public, but my wife and I were sheet-rippers, if you know what I mean. She always enjoyed and actually purchased me clothing to help our sex lives and sack time.
¶ I worked in all male activities and venues...mechanical things... and didn't ever want to be involved in what I considered to be "wimpy, girl-y stuff" which I think now was an act of overcompensation.
¶ I was a pre-med major in college and a shared minor of fine arts and English Lit.
QuoteIn your public and private wardrobes, is there menswear, womenswear, a combination of both, or clothing that is unisex?
¶ I have an assortment of male and semi-female outer clothing. I wear size 10 petite stretch jeans, (I like Gloria Vanderbilt's and Levi's the best), women's jogging athletic shoes with 2 inch heels and extra inserts. I have pairs of Western boots, very expensive ones with 4 and 5 inch custom heels on them.
¶ I wear many articles of female undergarments though. I like the fit of Hanes Her Way hip-hugger panties as they don't get pulled down when I wear the stretch jeans. I don't tuck, but outwardly appear all male.
¶ I have a rather full set of 38C breasts from my treatment for prostate problems. I opted for HRT and Casodex to minimize the overgrowth of my prostate. My dad's father, brothers and he all had cancer and my medicos wanted to be a little pro-active in my case. It worked as I have the prostate of a 16 year old with no untoward effects except for the gynecomastia and some fat-shifting. During the 1980's I also received Premarin as treatment for migraines. It worked much to the chagrin of people who say that estrogen is the cause of all headaches like migraines.
QuoteIn your domestic life, do you consider yourself to be the homekeeper, or the breadwinner, or both?
¶ I made all the money in both of my families. My wives never worked at all. I am an excellent cook and had considered becoming a Cordon Bleu chef while I worked as a pastry chef during my college years.
QuoteDoes your romantic/emotional life indicate a passive female role, a more aggressive male role, or an interaction between equals?
¶ Both my wives have favorably responded to my body and mental/sexual values. I can be their best friend, have fantastic sex with them as male and also emote for them in "touchy-feely" activities that they so enjoy after coitus. Both also bought me wardrobes and lingerie as they knew it would only enhance and satisfy their sexual fantasies and appetites better. I find that I am not a person who really likes children and would prefer to leave that to my wife. I don't have any negative thoughts except that babies leak from both ends and they are always needing attention..something I feel might be learned from my dad's lack of paternal interest in me. He actually resents my breathing air that he might someday need. I am his brother's son and he has never let me forget it..and that's even worse now that my mom's deceased and cannot run interference for me any more.
QuoteHow would you prefer any of these to be different in the future than as they are now?
¶ Wow..that's a tough one to answer. We all get the "I shouldda-saids" and the "I shouldda-dones" after time and circumstances have passed. If I had it to do all over again, I guess I would have gone all the way to female..but the timing was all wrong..social perceptions weren't what they are today and they stigma of changing one's gender was science fiction with a few exceptions like Christine Jorgensen or a few others.
¶ Raised during the "Haight-Ashbury" hippy 1960's days in my junior and senior high school years, there was a general softening of attitudes, but only in select and limited circles. Broadly speaking, not being a pun there, it was freak-ish to even think such thoughts in a Republican and uptight society that was still trying to come to grips with imminent mass destruction from the atomic bomb and morals that were going to Hell in a hand basket.
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In what remarkable gender-ways does your life seem different now than when you were under 17 years old?
¶ Well...I have accepted that as a guy with breasts and emotions that can be from one minute hard as steel to soft as prepubescent facial hair, I have a rough road of emotions and outlooks that, had I gone to my softer side, would not be embarrassing or out of the norm for a female. As it is, I have this constant nagging that something is missing and might be just around the next corner. I walk around a LOT of corners.
Note: I love what has gone on so far in my life...but that nagging little voice says: "What if...." to me a lot. I also have so much more to explain and say.
Did I mention that I am retired and therefor have lots of time to write and generally think about things?
Sorry for the verbosity here..but you asked!
Edit: Removed dosage info ~ Kate
