I need some help

[Crazy4Cyn]

I don't know what to do about being trapped in the wrong body. I'm 25 years old, and I felt like this since I was a kid. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to about this. I don't ever see myself coming out and telling anyone. Actually I only told one person. It was my nurse, but she didn't really know what to tell me what to do. I feel so trapped. I don't want to be in this female body. It's not me. I don't understand why I was born like this. Did God make me like this? God doesn't makes mistakes. Why do I feel this way? I can't/won't change myself to male because God didn't make me that why. I don't know what to do.

[Jonie]

There are all sorts of people here on this website that will help you, sounds like you're in a state of panic so I ask that you calm down, the answers will come in time. You should make it a priority to sort out your feelings and what you want to do about them. Counseling would be a place to start, like with an experienced gender therapist. The question about God is certainly a big one and I think you'll find plenty of different opinions to consider as God is talked about a lot here. So be patient and start taking some baby steps and things will hopefully become clearer in the future.

[J.T.]

Yeah, baby steps is good.  I know how you're feeling, i've been there.  It will get better.  I agree with Jonie, having someone to talk to has been vital for me.  I would go insane without someone to talk to.  So confide in a friend, or seek out a therapist... or if you can't do either of those steps yet just start letting it out.  Let what you're feeling/thinking out onto a piece of paper or on the web.

[Crazy4Cyn]

Thanks foe the responses. I do see a counsler. But I haven't got'n the courage to tell her how I feel. I try to, but she doesn't seem to pick up on it or doesn't wan to say anything, because when I first start talking to this person, she asked me about if I was gay, straight, and I told her I was straight because I get nervous and I don't feel comfortable talking about the subject. Although I do see myself as  straight because I'm in the wrong body, I feel I'm male trapped in a womens body. I think maybe if I was out on my own, I do better with this, but I still live at home with my mother. Once I'm out on my own I think I can take the steps that i need to take, but I see myself living with my mother for the rest of my life.

[Manyfaces]

but I see myself living with my mother for the rest of my life.

I can't help wondering why you can't see this situation ever changing. 

You said in another post that you are 25 years old.  Living with your mom is a choice you seem to be making, and maybe it's one you should reconsider.  Being that dependent on your mother at your age isn't the healthiest situation, unless there are things you haven't said about why you are; i.e., if there's some medical reason or something else that renders you actually unable to be independent.

You can choose, instead, to work on becoming a self-sufficient and self-supporting adult, to do whatever it takes to move toward being able to do that, even if you feel you can't do it right now.

It sounds to me like you're stuck in helpless/hopeless mode, and we've all been there, and it's a hard place to be; pushing yourself to be honest with your counselor seems like a good first step to breaking out of it. 

[Jessica]

You obviously have very strong beliefs.
I used to be very christian, now I'm not so sure.
However, this verse might be of some use to you

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29-31).

That thought has kept me sane through many nights.

Consider this.
If You believe in God and the bible, then the following are true:
1. God doesn't make mistakes.
2. The world is not perfect, but it was not created to be. In genesis, God did not say "It is Perfect" he said, "It is Good"
3. God made You.
4. God loves You.
5. God cares about You (as the passage above indicates).

Although we can't even begin to fathom the reason he made us, and Lord knows that I often wish he hadn't made me at all, there has to be a purpose for us in this life that our minds, here and now, can't even begin to fathom.

I will say this, assuming a christian reality (in other words, if I were to believe as the Christians do) I don't believe that God wants us to live in misery and confusion.

*hugs*
Jessica

[Crazy4Cyn]

but I see myself living with my mother for the rest of my life.

I can't help wondering why you can't see this situation ever changing. 

You said in another post that you are 25 years old.  Living with your mom is a choice you seem to be making, and maybe it's one you should reconsider.  Being that dependent on your mother at your age isn't the healthiest situation, unless there are things you haven't said about why you are; i.e., if there's some medical reason or something else that renders you actually unable to be independent.

You can choose, instead, to work on becoming a self-sufficient and self-supporting adult, to do whatever it takes to move toward being able to do that, even if you feel you can't do it right now.

It sounds to me like you're stuck in helpless/hopeless mode, and we've all been there, and it's a hard place to be; pushing yourself to be honest with your counselor seems like a good first step to breaking out of it. 

Well I do have some other problems and I just can't be on my own right now, I don't make enough money to live on my own right now either. I work through a temp agency so work is not steady, and I don't wanna live by myself. I'm gunna try and talk to my counsler but it's really hard for me to talk about it.


Posted on: July 06, 2007, 08:28:41 PM

You obviously have very strong beliefs.
I used to be very christian, now I'm not so sure.
However, this verse might be of some use to you

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29-31).

That thought has kept me sane through many nights.

Consider this.
If You believe in God and the bible, then the following are true:
1. God doesn't make mistakes.
2. The world is not perfect, but it was not created to be. In genesis, God did not say "It is Perfect" he said, "It is Good"
3. God made You.
4. God loves You.
5. God cares about You (as the passage above indicates).

Although we can't even begin to fathom the reason he made us, and Lord knows that I often wish he hadn't made me at all, there has to be a purpose for us in this life that our minds, here and now, can't even begin to fathom.

I will say this, assuming a christian reality (in other words, if I were to believe as the Christians do) I don't believe that God wants us to live in misery and confusion.

*hugs*
Jessica

Yeah I believe God doesn't make mistakes, but why am I in a female body when I should be in a male body and if God knows us like the bible says, he knows I will never change myself into man because he didn't make me man. Ya know what I mean? I will never get the sergery done because I'm afraid of Sergery. So that's where I don't understand.

Someone said something in another post that answered what I wrote, but I still can't seem to understand it or maybe believe as much as i want to believe it.

Posted on: July 06, 2007, 08:36:16 PMNo, God doesn't make mistakes.  He made you male in this manner so that (1) you can rise to His challenge and (2) so your family and others can practice the Christ's second commandment to love our neighbor as ourself.  It's called unconditional love.

This is what another person answered to my question about God not making mistakes. But what I want to know is why I was put in a female body if i'm not gunna do anything to change it? There's nothing I can do. Coming out would tear apart the whole family. I just don't understand. So I will be alone for the rest of my life. Is this what God wanted? For me to be alone and depressed for the rest of my life? I just don't understand.

[Nero]

This is what another person answered to my question about God not making mistakes. But what I want to know is why I was put in a female body if i'm not gunna do anything to change it? There's nothing I can do. Coming out would tear apart the whole family. I just don't understand. So I will be alone for the rest of my life. Is this what God wanted? For me to be alone and depressed for the rest of my life? I just don't understand.

The bible says that God is neither male nor female, the angels are neither male nor female, and God does not see male nor female.
That leads me to believe that God does not care about gender, and it exists solely for reproductive purposes (which is true whether God created the world or not).
Perhaps God made you you and gender is trivial to him, or perhaps just perhaps God created you closer to his own image, since he is neither male nor female?

[Crazy4Cyn]

The bible says that God is neither male nor female, the angels are neither male nor female, and God does not see male nor female.
That leads me to believe that God does not care about gender, and it exists solely for reproductive purposes (which is true whether God created the world or not).
Perhaps God made you you and gender is trivial to him, or perhaps just perhaps God created you closer to his own image, since he is neither male nor female?

That makes sense. But I could never go through with the sergery. So I have to stay in the female body at least until I die or something. It sucks though, because i don't want to be in this body, and I guess God wants me to be alone and never be with anyone, which is what I don't get if he knows me so well and I would never do sergery.

[Nero]

I'm scared of surgery too. I'm scared of being put under, I'm scared of having the knowledge I'm about to be cut open, I'm scared of the pain afterwards, and I'm scared of having to sleep on my back for who knows how long afterwards.
But, I'm just plain terrified at the thought of having these lumps on my chest (which never should've been there in the first place) for the rest of my life. I don't want to be buried with them.

[jonjon]

The bible says that God is neither male nor female, the angels are neither male nor female, and God does not see male nor female.
That leads me to believe that God does not care about gender, and it exists solely for reproductive purposes (which is true whether God created the world or not).
Perhaps God made you you and gender is trivial to him, or perhaps just perhaps God created you closer to his own image, since he is neither male nor female?

That makes sense. But I could never go through with the sergery. So I have to stay in the female body at least until I die or something. It sucks though, because i don't want to be in this body, and I guess God wants me to be alone and never be with anyone, which is what I don't get if he knows me so well and I would never do sergery.

I have only had one belief in life, and that is to do what i inside feel is right and as long as i am happy. It scares the sh*t out me, the whole process does, this whole feeling of being a complete reject and the fact that i will never, ever be fully what i need to be. And i am so scared of surgery too, when i was growing up the one thing i always wanted to avoid was surgery and hospitals in general really. But i realise that cant happen and no matter what, i will need to do this so i can be happy. The fear of it all goes away knowing that i can be happy at the end of it all. Thats all that matters to me.

God wants you to be happy. And so do we all here. And it takes a lot of thinking and contemplation to figure out what exactly it is that makes us happy. Go with your heart, man. We will all be here to support you.

[Crazy4Cyn]

I'm scared of surgery too. I'm scared of being put under, I'm scared of having the knowledge I'm about to be cut open, I'm scared of the pain afterwards, and I'm scared of having to sleep on my back for who knows how long afterwards.
But, I'm just plain terrified at the thought of having these lumps on my chest (which never should've been there in the first place) for the rest of my life. I don't want to be buried with them.

Yeah, totally agree and understand what your saying. But I think after we die maybe we will be in the bodies were supposed to be in if that makes any sense. I guess I'm trying to make myself believe there's nothing I can do to change myself. My fear of surgery gets in the way of it and just the thought of how it would kill and tear apart my family, it's like it's not meant to be, it's just something I have to live with and be unhappy. I don't know why God made me like this, but there must be some reason. I don't know, I'm just trying to understand.

Are you going to get the surgery done?

Posted on: July 08, 2007, 12:17:11 PMI have only had one belief in life, and that is to do what i inside feel is right and as long as i am happy. It scares the sh*t out me, the whole process does, this whole feeling of being a complete reject and the fact that i will never, ever be fully what i need to be. And i am so scared of surgery too, when i was growing up the one thing i always wanted to avoid was surgery and hospitals in general really. But i realise that cant happen and no matter what, i will need to do this so i can be happy. The fear of it all goes away knowing that i can be happy at the end of it all. Thats all that matters to me.

God wants you to be happy. And so do we all here. And it takes a lot of thinking and contemplation to figure out what exactly it is that makes us happy. Go with your heart, man. We will all be here to support you.

I wish it could be like that for me. It just isn't. The fear takes over and i just can't do and still with the whole religion thing, I'm so confused about it. I just can't do it, and I haven't come out yet and I don't think I ever will, it's just something I have to hide forever. 

I don't know how many people are out on this board, but it's just something thats just way too scary for me, and hopefully someday I can talk to my counsler about it and try and get it out in the open to have a little bit of relief. But right now I just can't do it.

For the people who came out, how was your family and friends reactions?

[RebeccaFog]

Hi,

   I've been out for about a year and a half. Nobody seems to have cared one way or the other.  Most don't understand the ->-bleeped-<- so they just think I'm being weird.  When I came out, I thought I was a female in a male body, but now I know that I'm neither gender.  So when I came out, I was telling people I might have surgery to become a woman. Only about one person got freaky about it. Everyone else was okay. I live in a fairly accepting part of the country.

  How do you dress? Maybe you can take some of the pressure off of yourself by adding some male clothing to your wardrobe.  It's called gender expression.  You dress the way you feel whether or not you have the surgery. It won't cure you, but maybe it will help you to feel a little better.
 
  Just a thought. Please take care of yourself.

[jaded]

hi crazy4cyn ...as some might already know im a man of a few words here but i really understand what your going through. while i feel i dont have any good advice .i want to let you know that im here, if you need and feel free to im me.

jaded

[Crazy4Cyn]

Hi,

   I've been out for about a year and a half. Nobody seems to have cared one way or the other.  Most don't understand the ->-bleeped-<- so they just think I'm being weird.  When I came out, I thought I was a female in a male body, but now I know that I'm neither gender.  So when I came out, I was telling people I might have surgery to become a woman. Only about one person got freaky about it. Everyone else was okay. I live in a fairly accepting part of the country.

  How do you dress? Maybe you can take some of the pressure off of yourself by adding some male clothing to your wardrobe.  It's called gender expression.  You dress the way you feel whether or not you have the surgery. It won't cure you, but maybe it will help you to feel a little better.
 
  Just a thought. Please take care of yourself.

I just dress in black all the time. Black jeans, black t-shirt. My mom would hate if I added male stuff to my wardrobe. She would say that there's something wrong with me wanting to be a boy. My mom just wouldn't be into it at all. It would totally embarrass her.

I'm more worried about coming out to my family, because if ever accidentally do something that a guy would do my mother gets upset. I where 2 bras to flatten me out and my mom notice when I asked her to give me a massage because my back was killing me, and I told her I was too busty that I wanted to flatten myself out so I'm not so busty and she said something like: "you don't want to be a boy do you'? Like she was really upset. I would never come out knowing how upset she would be. I do wanna be totally flat up top, but then people think it's wired and I get too nervous that they will find out my secret. Some people think I look like boy and others think I look like girl and other people just can't tell. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I can't tell wheather I'm male or female. I can make myself look like a boy but then I feel weird because people know me as a girls then their gunna think I'm weird trying to be a  boy.

Posted on: July 08, 2007, 04:30:45 PM

hi crazy4cyn ...as some might already know im a man of a few words here but i really understand what your going through. while i feel i dont have any good advice .i want to let you know that im here, if you need and feel free to im me.

jaded

Thanks.

Posted on: July 08, 2007, 04:31:32 PMall i ask is to have a womans body. is that too much to ask? if God doesn't make mistakes, then we were given the desire to change for a reason.

I won't change myself and God knows that. So that's something I don't understand.

Are you going to have the surgery?

[Manyfaces]

I won't change myself and God knows that. So that's something I don't understand.

God didn't just make you a girl.  God made you a girl who wants to be a boy, who feels like a boy, and who would be happier in the world and in your life as a boy (I'm assuming, from all you've said, that you do feel that way.  You can correct me if I'm wrong.).

Why do you assume it wouldn't be okay with God for you to change yourself?  Probably you'll say "Because God made me the way I am.  God put me in a girl's body." 

What about a baby who is born with a birth defect that medical science now has the ability to correct?  Do you think that because God "doesn't make mistakes" that the baby's parents should not have the defect medically corrected, and that the baby should have to live its whole life with the defect?  After all, God made him/her that way.  Let's imagine it's something egregious and obvious enough that it would make the kid miserable, even cause him to be teased or render him unable to function well in ordinary life, like some kind of obvious deformity.  Or imagine it's something invisible, like a heart defect.  Should it not be corrected either because "God made it that way and God doesn't make mistakes?"

I'm really tired of this argument.  I simply don't believe in a God that wants people to be miserable and to hate themselves and not to avail themselves of available technology and solutions for what ails them, and I'm sorry for people who do.  I also believe that nature operates according to certain laws, but at times, things do go awry, and anomalous things happen, or are produced. 

I don't really see the difference between being born TS and anything else.  I don't see it as any different from the thousand and one things we all do throughout our lives to "change ourselves" in small and large ways and to express and be who we are. 

Maybe God created gender and sexuality and orientation and all to be much more complex and widely varied than humans have allowed themselves to see, or be.  Maybe this new wave of gender questioning and exploration and expansion of boundaries and being all is part of God's intention for humanity.

Maybe God wants you to be who you are, even if that requires making changes to your physical body and your identity, and overcoming the obstacles presented by your family, or society, or whatever.  Maybe that's part of your intended-by-God path in life.  Who knows? 

Just an alternative view to consider.   

[Crazy4Cyn]

I won't change myself and God knows that. So that's something I don't understand.

God didn't just make you a girl.  God made you a girl who wants to be a boy, who feels like a boy, and who would be happier in the world and in your life as a boy (I'm assuming, from all you've said, that you do feel that way.  You can correct me if I'm wrong.).

Why do you assume it wouldn't be okay with God for you to change yourself?  Probably you'll say "Because God made me the way I am.  God put me in a girl's body." 

What about a baby who is born with a birth defect that medical science now has the ability to correct?  Do you think that because God "doesn't make mistakes" that the baby's parents should not have the defect medically corrected, and that the baby should have to live its whole life with the defect?  After all, God made him/her that way.  Let's imagine it's something egregious and obvious enough that it would make the kid miserable, even cause him to be teased or render him unable to function well in ordinary life, like some kind of obvious deformity.  Or imagine it's something invisible, like a heart defect.  Should it not be corrected either because "God made it that way and God doesn't make mistakes?"

I'm really tired of this argument.  I simply don't believe in a God that wants people to be miserable and to hate themselves and not to avail themselves of available technology and solutions for what ails them, and I'm sorry for people who do.  I also believe that nature operates according to certain laws, but at times, things do go awry, and anomalous things happen, or are produced. 

I don't really see the difference between being born TS and anything else.  I don't see it as any different from the thousand and one things we all do throughout our lives to "change ourselves" in small and large ways and to express and be who we are. 

Maybe God created gender and sexuality and orientation and all to be much more complex and widely varied than humans have allowed themselves to see, or be.  Maybe this new wave of gender questioning and exploration and expansion of boundaries and being all is part of God's intention for humanity.

Maybe God wants you to be who you are, even if that requires making changes to your physical body and your identity, and overcoming the obstacles presented by your family, or society, or whatever.  Maybe that's part of your intended-by-God path in life.  Who knows? 

Just an alternative view to consider.   

Yes, you are correct, i do want to be a boy I I know I'd be happier that way. I just can't change myself into a boy and God knows that, so that's the part I don't get.

I don't know for sure if it would or wouldn't be okay with God. I'm just confused about things and I don't know what to do.

I agree with that God doesn't want people to be miserable, but there are some things i just don't understand.  I agree with what everyone is saying, and I see their views and I see it that way too, but I'm just too scared right now and very confused about things. I'd do a lot better on my own away from my family, but still I would never change myself to man, I'd only try to look like man, but never physically change myself. Do people who want to be male or female, can they just act like and look like the sex they wanna be and never change themselves physically?

[Manyfaces]

Well, I understand that you're very scared and confused, and can't see your way forward right now.  But just the fact that you are here, seeking support and talking with people about what you're feeling, is a good thing.  Just keep exploring, reading, asking questions, and you'll find your way, eventually, to what is right for you.

Do people who want to be male or female, can they just act like and look like the sex they wanna be and never change themselves physically?

Yes, people can do that, and do; in fact, if you explore around here you'll find other people doing exactly that.  In fact, technically, that's what I'm presently doing myself:  Wearing male clothes, a male haircut, using a male name, and I do get taken for male most of the time when I'm out and about.  The difference for me is that I do intend to go further, as soon as possible, and make physical changes to my body--I plan to take hormones and eventually have chest surgery--because for me, that is the right thing and what I need and want to do. 

But, that may or may not be right for you.  Give yourself as much time as you need to figure things out, and get some help from your counselor if you can.  They're good for that, the good ones are anyway.

[Crazy4Cyn]

Well, I understand that you're very scared and confused, and can't see your way forward right now.  But just the fact that you are here, seeking support and talking with people about what you're feeling, is a good thing.  Just keep exploring, reading, asking questions, and you'll find your way, eventually, to what is right for you.

Do people who want to be male or female, can they just act like and look like the sex they wanna be and never change themselves physically?

Yes, people can do that, and do; in fact, if you explore around here you'll find other people doing exactly that.  In fact, technically, that's what I'm presently doing myself:  Wearing male clothes, a male haircut, using a male name, and I do get taken for male most of the time when I'm out and about.  The difference for me is that I do intend to go further, as soon as possible, and make physical changes to my body--I plan to take hormones and eventually have chest surgery--because for me, that is the right thing and what I need and want to do. 

But, that may or may not be right for you.  Give yourself as much time as you need to figure things out, and get some help from your counselor if you can.  They're good for that, the good ones are anyway.

Thanks for all the support and answering my questions. It helps a lot, and if I ever move away from my mother it'll be a lot easier. But I guess I can try being more male, but then hide when I'm around family and people I know.



Posted on: July 09, 2007, 03:33:01 PM

Posted on: July 08, 2007, 04:31:32 PMall i ask is to have a womans body. is that too much to ask? if God doesn't make mistakes, then we were given the desire to change for a reason.

I won't change myself and God knows that. So that's something I don't understand.

Are you going to have the surgery?

unlike most of the trans people here, i don't really obsess about it. i know that it is a lie for me to pretend that i am masculine, so i see my actions as simply being honest with myself and with other people. unlike you, i feel that God is not only on my side, but also is the cause of my situation. as Holden Caulfield said, "You can't lie to God." and you can't lie to yourself, either. at least, not without being really unhappy about it. anyway, i kinda like being trans. if that's what i was born to be, then that's what i'll be. i am going to proceed with my transition as far i can take it, and that includes surgery as soon as i can afford it.

I think that's great that your gunna get the surgery done and being who you are born to be. I wish I could do that. But I don't know if that's God's plan for me yet. I just can't imagine myself getting surgery. The only thing I'd would do, if I can somehow find the courage is try and be male and never change myself. But then if I ever got a girlfriend, I would see myself as gay because I'm female and I don't see myself as gay, just in the wrong body.

Does anyone here have a girlfriend or a boyfriend but your still the same sex as them but haven't trans yet?  Am I the only one here who never plans on changing my body? I mean I do want a girlfriend, but I just can't see myself being with a girl when I have a female body too, ya know what I mean. Has anyone ever gone through that? Not wanting to be with a female or male because you are the same sex? And if you do have a girlfriend or boyfriend have you come out to them and told them that you are the same sex as them? Idf so how did they respond?

[cindianna_jones]

Well, you've told all of us!  That is a huge step forward.  The more people you tell, the easier it gets to deal with this problem.  Don't be afraid to tell your counselor.  That is a giant step in solving this issue in your life.

Now dude, you say God doesn't make mistakes.  Don't tell that to any of the people born with other birth defects!  Perhaps you might be able to admit that God lets mistakes happen when you consider all the people that have been born without limbs or coherent minds.  I don't want you to change your beliefs, but you must admit that there are many things that we don't understand.  Don't put your faith in the hands of those who think in absolute terms.

Take care.  I'm glad that you have shared your feelings with us.

Cindi