Transitioning at work: need opinion

[JLT1]

Hi All!

I am getting ready to go full time at work.  Right now, the plan is to stay in boy mode until I leave for FFS.  Then, right before I go back to work, they meet, tell everyone and then I get back, presenting as a woman who looks feminine.  Until then, I hide as best I can in boy mode.  I do a lot of presentations and things like that.  They feel this would be the best way to do it so that the message doesn't get lost with the messenger. 

This is different and I haven't heard of anyone doing this before.  What are your thoughts?  I need to know by tomorrow at 9:00AM.  That is the next meeting with HR. 

Hugs,

Jen

[TerriT]

I guess that depends on how far off you FFS is and if you're comfortable with that. I don't really see it as a problem. I know other posters have taken a week or 2 off from work and then went back female. I guess if HR is fine with that and if you're fine with that, should be cool. I imagine it will be a pretty nerve wrecking walk into work that first day, but oh well.

Also, you spelled avatar wrong.

[Cindy]

Totally your call. I went FT by walking in wearing a skirt and blouse. People caught on pretty quickly!

It probably depends upon where you live but there is no prerogative to how you look.

As for presentations I chaired my first meeting the first day and gave a lecture to 300 students the second day.

I never told HR anything. I am the judge of my gender no one else matters to be honest!

[JLT1]

I guess that depends on how far off you FFS is and if you're comfortable with that. I don't really see it as a problem. I know other posters have taken a week or 2 off from work and then went back female. I guess if HR is fine with that and if you're fine with that, should be cool. I imagine it will be a pretty nerve wrecking walk into work that first day, but oh well.

FFS is March 8.  I can hide until then. Yes, it will be uncomfortable.  However, I like my job and there would be a problem if I do it differently.  I will also take an earlier appointment if one open up.  I've been here 17 years and have close to a year of sick leave accumulated.  So, it's one day male and the next time I show up, it's full female presentation.  Nerve wrecking but I hope I can do it.

Also, you spelled avatar wrong.

I'm a chemist but that is sad.  Thank you for pointing that out. 

Totally your call. I went FT by walking in wearing a skirt and blouse. People caught on pretty quickly!

It probably depends upon where you live but there is no prerogative to how you look.

As for presentations I chaired my first meeting the first day and gave a lecture to 300 students the second day.

I never told HR anything. I am the judge of my gender no one else matters to be honest!

We have procedures.  I'm an at will employee meaning they can terminate me at will.  We also have a dress code.  I'm just running though the procedures trying to keep my job.  This is a very old school company.  I still wear a suit on occasion and jeans are way out.  However, if we follow the code, transition can be successful.  There have been four this year.  I'm the biggest challenge because I'm the highest up and I'm corporate not division or business.  It will be difficult.  However,

WE HAVE A PLAN!  It went really well.  One more talk with senior management and that is information only and the next thing is surgery.  It went perfect.   

YES!

Hugs,

Jen

[Jennygirl]

That's great to hear Jen! Must be quite a relief!

[Donna Elvira]

Hi Jen,
If you already planning to do FFS, I think your plan is the best way to go. That way, there will be far more congruence between what people see and the message they hear.
However, depending on what you are planning to do, be careful about the amount of time you allow for recovery. Four weeks is probably an absolute  minimum following forehead, rhino and chin/jaw work. Who are you doing your surgery with?

Otherwise we are in a very similar situation employment wise except that my employers also insisted on me having my Civil Identity Change behind me before I could make what is going to be a very, very visible transition, 1900 people in our own company and many others I work with in partner businesses.

News of the day is that the administrative court handling my CIC request has just delivered  a positive ruling which should be confirmed early next spring. Hallelujah!

Wishing you all the best!
Donna
   

[Sophia Hawke]

Hi All!

I am getting ready to go full time at work.  Right now, the plan is to stay in boy mode until I leave for FFS.  Then, right before I go back to work, they meet, tell everyone and then I get back, presenting as a woman who looks feminine.  Until then, I hide as best I can in boy mode.  I do a lot of presentations and things like that.  They feel this would be the best way to do it so that the message doesn't get lost with the messenger. 

This is different and I haven't heard of anyone doing this before.  What are your thoughts?  I need to know by tomorrow at 9:00AM.  That is the next meeting with HR. 

Hugs,

Jen

I'm curious, what is it like transitioning in a science based atmosphere?  Are people more accepting/understanding with the openness that is science as part of the workplace?

[JLT1]

I'm curious, what is it like transitioning in a science based atmosphere?  Are people more accepting/understanding with the openness that is science as part of the workplace?

My company has what they call the "dual ladder" – a technical and management ladder.  Each step on the technical side has a counterpart on the management side.  My company also has a zero tolerance policy on mistreatment based on sex, gender, racial status, sexual orientation or transgender status.  The managers may or may not like it but they are generally tolerant.  Some are just too paranoid to do anything.  They just look, ignore and go on. 

On the technical side, a person is judged more by results.  Let's face it; some of the technical people are rather different to begin with.  A transgendered person isn't really considered that strange.  They may be unusual perhaps but not really strange.  Everyone seems relatively nice.  It's mostly about getting the job done.  However, there are those who are waiting for a fail.  They will pounce until they are not used to the person.  Great place to be a little paranoid.   

However, those of us who have contact outside the company, in my case with governing bodies like the EPA or FDA, there is fear on the part of everyone.  We can't afford to lose the message because the messenger is a little different.  It's kind of selective there.   Because I do have contact with the regulators, it causes a problem.  So, it's FFS first so that there isn't an awkward phase.  They will know that I used to present as male but they will get over it.  Or that is the hope...

Hugs,

Jen

[Sophia Hawke]

My company has what they call the "dual ladder" – a technical and management ladder.  Each step on the technical side has a counterpart on the management side.  My company also has a zero tolerance policy on mistreatment based on sex, gender, racial status, sexual orientation or transgender status.  The managers may or may not like it but they are generally tolerant.  Some are just too paranoid to do anything.  They just look, ignore and go on. 

On the technical side, a person is judged more by results.  Let's face it; some of the technical people are rather different to begin with.  A transgendered person isn't really considered that strange.  They may be unusual perhaps but not really strange.  Everyone seems relatively nice.  It's mostly about getting the job done.  However, there are those who are waiting for a fail.  They will pounce until they are not used to the person.  Great place to be a little paranoid.   

However, those of us who have contact outside the company, in my case with governing bodies like the EPA or FDA, there is fear on the part of everyone.  We can't afford to lose the message because the messenger is a little different.  It's kind of selective there.   Because I do have contact with the regulators, it causes a problem.  So, it's FFS first so that there isn't an awkward phase.  They will know that I used to present as male but they will get over it.  Or that is the hope...

Hugs,

Jen

Interesting, just was curious because I was thinking people who deal with science everyday would be overall more open minded.  Although, my brother insists I Dont transition until he reviews every single published paper on the subject of trangenderism and brain sex ect.

[JLT1]

Interesting, just was curious because I was thinking people who deal with science everyday would be overall more open minded.  Although, my brother insists I Dont transition until he reviews every single published paper on the subject of trangenderism and brain sex ect.

Don't use MEDLINE, use Science Direct.  MEDLINE search engine is biased

[Sophia Hawke]

Don't use MEDLINE, use Science Direct.  MEDLINE search engine is biased

yeah idk where he looks,  i just assumed whereever he publishes is where he can read other stuff.

[Cindy]

I have found the science and medical fields to be quite open minded. Similar to Jen I am covered by strong anti discrimination laws but people have been very easy to deal with anyway.

Sophie you should refer your brother to the wpath site and the SOC v7 the experts in the area have no doubt that we are real.

[KabitTarah]

However, those of us who have contact outside the company, in my case with governing bodies like the EPA or FDA, there is fear on the part of everyone.  We can't afford to lose the message because the messenger is a little different.  It's kind of selective there.   Because I do have contact with the regulators, it causes a problem.  So, it's FFS first so that there isn't an awkward phase.  They will know that I used to present as male but they will get over it.  Or that is the hope...

Hugs,

Jen

I can't speak for how they treat contractors or the companies they audit... but there are trans* inclusion statements for USA federal government.

For me, I'm only out to the management chain, but they were all engineers too. The two who know (and know who I am, rather than just an unknown person) are incredibly supportive. Absolutely incredibly. I mean... way to not even blink an eye.

Yes, I have some worries. There are engineers and scientists who are still very religious and their are contractors and non-engineers who may have varying reactions... but with management on my side (they liked me before... I'm told I do good work) I think I stand a chance of sticking around here very long term. A stiff upper lip might help... but that seems to be more necessary for family interactions than work ones.

Make no mistake... I know I'm incredibly lucky, and I'm very, very thankful! ♥