*sigh* It's been a stressful December here, and it's got me feeling down. (Don't worry, this isn't a 911 post; I'm not _that_ bad off.) My work schedule keeps me from getting proper sleep which isn't helping. Add to that ongoing worries about money. More and more, I find myself longing for a "correct" body, for full transition. I know it's only a matter of time before I find a less hostile workplace and can socially transition, but tight finances make the physical side feel impossibly far away. I worry about coming out to my family, yet I am also saddened by the thought of spending yet another Christmas pretending to be something that feels so wrong. The real clincher is that my grandfather passed yesterday. I miss him. I also feel a sense of relief that I'll never have to come out to him, and that makes me feel guilty for feeling relief that he's gone.
At least I have a wonderful and totally supportive spouse to help me get through these times.
If I don't get a chance to come online before the holidays are over, I hope you all have Good Cheer and Blessings. Give someone you love a hug.
