The Power,Healing,and Restoration In Forgiveness

[SarahM777]

Forgiveness is an act of love given to the one that has been the offender. It releases the one that has been offended,from anger,bitterness and hatred. One that truly forgives cannot remain angry,retain a hurt,or harbor bitterness because it comes from love. It restores the offender and lets them let go of the guilt.

While it is very hard to do to forgive the uncle that raped you as a child,to forgive the father that despised you,the sister that takes you for over $40,000 and tries to get all the rest from you,to forgive the classmates that picked on you and called you horrible names,the guys who jump you in the bathroom,the roommate that steals your car,the roommate that tries to kill you,the co-workers that threaten to do you bodily harm,etc etc Never easy to do but it brings so great a release and sets the one who forgives free. It brings healing to the heart and soul.

Once it's done the first time it becomes so much easier,to just let it go. The things that at first seems so hard to overcome become so much easier,and even when someone else does the same thing it doesn't hurt as bad because is not compounded because the first was healed. It's an awesome thing.

[Del]

Amen!
Great post Sarah.

[SarahM777]

How many of us really think about the words we say each week? Most of us say them time after time,week after week. Within those words contain a message that we often don't think about. It's an expectation,contained within the very prayer that we so often repeat. It's most often known as the Lord's prayer or as some call it the disciples prayer.

And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.

The expectation is that we will forgive in the same manner as which we seek to be forgiven by our Father in heaven. It is a practical application of showing the love we have for God by showing it to one another.
Then it becomes an act of obedience out of love.

[King Malachite]

There is a lot of truth to what you are saying, SarahM777.

Not only that, I think it helps when you say "I forgive you." out loud to yourself.  Last week I decided to do this and immediately when I did, I felt more free.  I decided to forgive everyone who has tormented me when I was in school.  I forgave my father for not being there for me.  It can still sting some but through forgiving I learn to get over it quicker.  Granted, I have only went through some petty stuff in my short life, but hopefully I can work up the courage to forgive those who may seriously hurt me in the future.

Aside from that, forgiving the people in my past forged another plus from me.  Whenever I come out to the rest of my family (more specifically my other sister), if she says something like "you're only doing this because people hurt you in the past" (which is basically what my oldest sister told me when I came out to her), I can tell her no, those people have no rule over me anymore as I have forgiven them so I can move on with my life.  They aren't the reason I'm transitioning.  I'M the reason I'm transitioning. 

[Vicky]

Almost greater than forgiveness of others is the ability to forgive ourselves. We heap blame on ourselves for not reaching goals, for losing a job that in reality was a chance of fate and not blame for anyone.  I recently was reminded that I was still blaming myself for not having come to my realization of being Transsexual sooner in my life.  If you forgive someone else, do not take on their new lack of blame or responsibility as meaning it must be transfered to you.  We all fall short of dead center on the target, why should our short comings be worse to us than we let them be to otheres.  "Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires are known, and from you no secrets are hid.  Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts......" (Book Of Common Prayer, Episc Ch.)  Keeping our self forgiveness from happening will keep us from truly having forgiven the others.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Thank you Sarah for this wonderful post

[mowdan6]

I agree.  Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves.  When I started my transition 10 years ago, I lost all my family.  But when I knew they needed help, I would always call no matter how they treated me.  And I now have the gift of a great relationship with my parents.  They are now in their 80's.  A year ago, my Dad had a stroke.  He knew he needed help, but was scared to call me because of his past rejection of me.  So, he had a friend of his call.  I told this friend that whatever my Dad needs, I am here.  Today, I have the awesome, loving relationship with my dad.  I am his primary caregiver and I treasure the time we have together.  I am my dad's confidant, friend and son.  And I feel very blessed.  and it is only because of Christ in my life, giving me the gift of forgiveness.  And now giving me this gift of this wonderful relationship with my Dad. 

[zombieinc]

forgiving the people in my past forged another plus from me.  Whenever I come out to the rest of my family (more specifically my other sister), if she says something like "you're only doing this because people hurt you in the past" (which is basically what my oldest sister told me when I came out to her), I can tell her no, those people have no rule over me anymore as I have forgiven them so I can move on with my life.  They aren't the reason I'm transitioning.  I'M the reason I'm transitioning.

Even though this topic is old, this quote is just...wow.

I have had tons of bad stuff happen to me. I have fought depression for years. But I have let go of a lot of that. The anger, the self-loathing, the dark moods, the hateful attitude that I used to have, the violence, the alcohol and drugs...it was really hard to let go of those things, to live a sober life, etc. And just as I was clearing a lot of those hurdles, I realized that I was a man, that I needed to transition, that I was attracted to women....wham, back in therapy again, cue guilt and shame and a myriad of negative emotions.

I've only recently begun to clear the second round of hurdles and I imagine there will be more hurdles as time passes. That's how life is. And that's why it is important that your journey is about you and not anyone else.

[stavraki]

Forgiveness is an act of love given to the one that has been the offender. It releases the one that has been offended,from anger,bitterness and hatred. One that truly forgives cannot remain angry,retain a hurt,or harbor bitterness because it comes from love. It restores the offender and lets them let go of the guilt.

While it is very hard to do to forgive the uncle that raped you as a child,to forgive the father that despised you,the sister that takes you for over $40,000 and tries to get all the rest from you,to forgive the classmates that picked on you and called you horrible names,the guys who jump you in the bathroom,the roommate that steals your car,the roommate that tries to kill you,the co-workers that threaten to do you bodily harm,etc etc Never easy to do but it brings so great a release and sets the one who forgives free. It brings healing to the heart and soul.

Once it's done the first time it becomes so much easier,to just let it go. The things that at first seems so hard to overcome become so much easier,and even when someone else does the same thing it doesn't hurt as bad because is not compounded because the first was healed. It's an awesome thing.

I only learned to grieve, honestly, for the first time in my life, after I learned to forgive trespasses.

Until my vanity was humbled by life, as vanity must always be humbled by life, I judged.  After making terrible blunders thinking I could judge others or that I had the wisdom to judge others, always life brought a trial to humble.  I learned that I just don't have the right or wisdom to judge.  Time and again, I've learned that there is another Order to life, beyond any imaginable realm or reality my brain can ever fathom, though if I surrender to higher love and forgiveness, I may evolve and grow and learn greater acceptance of others, and difference.  Without difference, love's colours and subtle hues and expression of form can never be known.

The power of forgiveness came to me in many beautiful ways.   I couldn't see the beauty in Grace and Humility until I stopped trying to judge others and punish and hold grudges.  The truth of forgiveness was in the quiet stillness of the home at night, while my cat purrs on my lap as the rain falls on the tin roof, in the echoes of laughter no longer in the home for friends and loved ones lost through grudges.  My cats of the past used to purr on their laps too.

Without forgiveness, I would lose this wonderful new appreciation of Spirit.  Grace, gratitude, stillness, humility. And - surrender.  To compassion, wonder and their subtle beauty, that enrich.  So I can be at peace, and others be at peace around me.  To know I have been forgiven by a Higher Love and Power that is beyond me, whatever form that Love exists.  That inspires me to forgive, in kind.

John 8:7

"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."

This message, 2000 years old, still moves me.  The compassion and humble valour of the man who spoke such beautiful words to protect another human being who was being ravaged by scorn.  Forgiveness is the only way we can save us from ourselves.

So that I may grow old, and lose no more friends and lovers to bitter grudges, and grow a family of Villagers to celebrate the great journey of Life.

Kind Regards everyone
stav

[King Malachite]

Even though this topic is old, this quote is just...wow.

I have had tons of bad stuff happen to me. I have fought depression for years. But I have let go of a lot of that. The anger, the self-loathing, the dark moods, the hateful attitude that I used to have, the violence, the alcohol and drugs...it was really hard to let go of those things, to live a sober life, etc. And just as I was clearing a lot of those hurdles, I realized that I was a man, that I needed to transition, that I was attracted to women....wham, back in therapy again, cue guilt and shame and a myriad of negative emotions.

I've only recently begun to clear the second round of hurdles and I imagine there will be more hurdles as time passes. That's how life is. And that's why it is important that your journey is about you and not anyone else.

Sorry for my late replay, but I am so happy for you that you know what you want and what you needed to do in order to achieve that goal.  Realizing that it's your journey to walk can be such an eye opener.

[Brandon]

That is so true, It's like his how can you expect God to forgive you when you can't forgive it's hard, But it's something we all have to work on

[stavraki]

A singularity that is an ultimate point to know forgiveness from, one must first know Grace and know what being forgiven means, not in words, but in the heart.  For Christians, the parables of Jesus are all about that really pure, untarnished knowing of Grace through his forgiveness of Sin, though I suspect that Grace and a singularity for Grace is knowable in many other ways through other Spiritual pathways.  I believe all pathways converge in the higher planes of pure spiritual love.

I call Grace the compass for a direction to know how and where to begin and when you're on track. 

[stavraki]

PS - I just love this thread.  Pondering forgiveness stops me becoming a bitter bottle of sour wine in a 'glass half empty' life, as opposed to a generous hearted soul, who loves all his mates, family, community and fellow man--because of their flaws (not despite them), in a glass half full view of courage, compassion, forgiveness beauty and truth.

[King Malachite]

I think this song would go well with this thread. 

[stavraki]

bump - I love this topic.

I keep returning to forgiveness as central to saving lives.  Saved my own.  I don't know of any other way of finding a point 'outside', or 'beyond' the limits of the current self, without first, knowing where to 'set' the compass/line of sight for growth without forgiveness.  Anger mangles the self.  It is self harm.  But forgiveness, not enacted healthily, lets us be taken advantage of. I had a huge dilemma that took me decades to resolve

For many, many years I got stuck, going around in circles, in same old, same old ideas about 'who wronged who' or 'what needs to be done' to 'get over it'.  It wasn't until I found a forgiveness, so pure and transcendent, beyond myself, that I could allow myself to feel forgiven, and also 'held' while I pondered old riddles of pain.

The answer was neither to 'push the issue' or to 'withdraw in defeat'.  I flip flopped between these two.  By just sitting, in Faith, in a 'forgiveness singularity' (we call that Jesus's forgiveness for Christians--it's not the only way/means), answers do, come upon us.  I found that it was by self-sacrifice that I was able to heal old pain and finally let go of the past.  Love your enemies.  Not just in words.  I chose my most maligned of exes.  I then just meditated and meditated upon that point, beyond us both, where neither 'he' nor 'I' was 'right'.  In faith, I just sat with that unknown point beyond both of us, where somehow I wanted to help him.  As in really.

Strangely, I rescued only one feature from the stalker.  Their determination.  I invested that into the meditative pursuit.  The epiphany I was seeking was the action I could take that would not violate the other's rights (I've been stalked.  It's horrible), but that had my ex-stalker's determination, and that, somehow impelled healing for us both.

The answer came to me through forgiveness.

Amen