Before and After. Same person or different?

[MaximmusFlavius]

So I came across this video recently

http://www.upworthy.com/for-him-writing-a-letter-to-his-younger-self-means-writing-to-emily

It got me thinking about peoples identity before and after transition. I actually disagree with some of the things he says regarding being two different people. I feel like the same person that has evolved. Yes, I am very different to how I used to be, but at the core I am the same person. Sometimes I actually wish I was a whole different person, as there are some aspects of myself that I would have liked to have left behind, but that isn't the case. I am still 'me', there is no other person for me to write a letter to. The person that had my old name is the same person who has my new name.

Part of the reason that I don't feel like separate people I think is because I am a lot more comfortable in myself now. Not long ago I did used to feel like that 'female' me was a completely different person, but watching that video made me realise that I don't view myself and my past that way any more. I have kept the both flaws and the good parts that have always made me me and continue to do so.

I'm just curious if other people interpreted the video the same way and how everyone else views their past and present.

[Kreuzfidel]

I thought that this was a beautiful spoken poem in the video - very powerful and touching.

Regarding the issue of being two different "people" or aspects of a person - I don't really feel that way at all. 

Inside - the way that I feel, think and project myself into the world is the same as always.  I must qualify this by saying that the person I showed to my family (or people with whom I felt wholly relaxed and comfortable) was not the person that I showed to the rest of the world - I could be myself, at least to some degree, with my family - even though they only saw the masculine qualities as "tomboyish".

I don't see myself as being a different person now to pre-transition because, if ever I projected myself differently to the outside world back then, I was projecting a facade.  As if I were playing a role in a theatrical production of my life.  The "girl" I had to be in school, at work, etc. was not real - and was thus not ever a "person".  So while I may have removed that mask, I didn't remove any part of myself in the process.  I am still the same person, but I no longer have to wear that mask.

[Contravene]

I think the poem is supposed to be more symbolic than anything.

[Sir Wafflinton]

I thought this was a beautiful piece of work. I think it is more about making piece with the fact that this is a part of your history. I still find it very difficult to talk about the person I used to be. I wince if I hear my old name even if it is in relation to someone else. I think it is easier to address that fragment of you if you speak as if it were someone else entirely. I guess this is so personal and everyone thinks of it differently though. Also, although well and truly socially transitioned I am not very far into my medical transition so maybe things become easier when I can see a little bit less of that person in me.

It did make me think about a couple of things that I have never thought about though. For me it makes it easier to think about what friends and family go through as well. To you, you are finally taking of this facade and being your true self, but to everyone else it feels like someone is dying. People have these dreams of what your life will look like and then that just ends the moment you come out. My parents had dreams of their girl who defied gender stereotypes. They thought I was gay since I was very young so they didn't have to deal with the whole grandparents thing but I'm sure their outcome for me changed quite a bit with the news that I was actually a dude. I know they feel guilty for telling me I was wrong when I tried to come out as a little kid. Parents have to deal with guilt too. I have heard that having a child transition is like having twins, and having one of them die.

I had never thought about the fact that in the end I succeeded in everything I had planned at 12. I collected the family photographs and was going to cut myself out of them so it looked like I never existed. I had never thought that that person wouldn't graduate the school they signed up for. Wouldn't go to university, wouldn't get a good job and have a good partner, good kids, and a good life. They can't so that I can. But then I think that person was only a name and some lies and an awful lot of sadness. Food for thought I suppose, and funny in a sad kinda way :/