My younger brother refuses to believe my moms behavior is abusive

[Shawn Sunshine]

My brother who grew up with me and I have known all my life sent me an awful text message and very confusing. He refuses to believe that my mother has been on again and off again abusive and instead chooses to think of mom as the most loving person in the world. I think this is his way of blocking it out or his dream of all of us living under the same roof getting along. Anyways he was againts me posting the video on youtube to a select few people. I got positive supportive responses from aunts and cousins, but not from my brother. It hurts again. I thought he would be the one person to understand but hes choosing to do this instead. Anyways my confidence is shot. I can't seem to do anything well lately, my hearts just not in it after what I dealt with last month. I am not sure when im supposed to stop feeling like crap but its there nagging at me. I would like to feel better but I just cant seem to. Anyways I am going to post here more often as I have a pc again.

[amZo]

My brothers accuse me of this regarding my father.

They say I put him on a pedestal and they do everything to knock him off it. They've recited all his transgressions to me many times. It's clear to me they'd like to dig his bones up and crush them.

I know everything they say about him is true, I say otherwise to them, but I know.

I love my dad, always will. He had some good points too. He did love us even though he struggled to show it and was often abusive. But he would make someone disappear if they ever hurt us (that was his job  ).

Plus, don't take my history away. I want to see the best parts of my childhood, it makes me happy.

Understand?

Don't let it get you down. 

[Shawn Sunshine]

No I am sorry this situation is different. Even my therapist says this is my brothers way of blocking out the pain. I get it to a certain extent. I have many moments where I wish my mom was something other than what she is now. My mother and I have cut off all communication, I told her I cant be around her if she is abusive. I took the video off for a while, its private now and can't be seen, but it was out of control and only a reminder of all the hell growing up. Its the fact that my brother is now seemingly no longer supporting me that hurts.

[amZo]

Oh, absolutely it's his way of blocking out the pain for sure. Please don't take his actions personally, this has to do with him not you. That's my only point really. But mostly it sounds like your mother is the big issue. Don't let her issues come between you and your brother. 

[Rachel]

I am sorry you are subject to your Mom's issues and that your brother is not recognizing the truth, hugs.

I do not mean to hurt you when I say the next few sentences. Your mom has issues. They are your Mom,'s issues.

Your brother is in denial and sees things as he hopes and not in reality. These are their issues and you can not make them see what

they do not want to see. They hurt you deeply and you owe it to yourself to get some distance and get some positive things happening

in your life. Talk to a friend, walk in the park, volunteer at a food bank and get some space from the pain.

[Shawn Sunshine]

and that is what I have been trying to do is get away from it. Get involved in other things. But its not very effective as it has been before in the past. I still feel a spiritual nagging to try and have some sort of relationship with my mother. I am reminded of the love my Grandma had for me and how she would feel knowing that her child and granchild canthave a bond. This is something that I have been carrying with me since I can remember.

[musicofthenight]

Shawn, Nikko, have you heard of the "golden-child/scapegoat" dynamic?  I think it may explain a lot for both of you.

[Shawn Sunshine]

whats the golden child scapegoat dynamic? does it involve eddie murphy?  kidding but im curious.