My problem with men

[Ltl89]

Yeah, I love and respect men, but I do fear the ingrained transphobia that some seem to reflect.  Quite frankly, it makes me scared about dating because there are so many guys out there who are against transwomen and have made violent comments about us.  I'm sure there are loving and accepting men out there, but it is a daunting thing to date as a straight transwoman.  Even though dating isn't easy for anyone, I think we do have quite a challenge against us considering the general societal attitudes of many straight men.  And given the fact that I'm really in between genders (appearance wise) at the moment, it's hard for me because I don't know how to go about dating a guy when everything is so complicated.  Maybe it will be much easier once I decide to go fulltime and fully passing, but many men are still not accepting of transexuals in theory.   

Nonetheless, men are not pigs or dogs, they are people with feelings and desires jst like women.  Sure we have some typical differences, but everyone is different at the end of the day and gender doesn't define someone's overall character.  I hope to one day find a guy who I can love and respect that'll be able to extend the same feelings. 

[Emmaline]

Hey I am offended by comparing men to pigs too.


I grew up on a pig farm, and they are lovely animals!

[Christine167]

I'm not sure of where I am on this one.

I like guys, especially cute ones, but really I haven't met too many jerks yet. Not that I've dated any though.

Hym.. I guess really the villain in this whole thing is the whole set in stone fear of being persecuted for dating anything other than the opposite cis born sex. Otherwise who would care really? There would still be preferences of course but none of the fear/hate that we experience now. It is changing but it's slow going as those types of things can be.

[sneakersjay]

FWIW when I was presenting as F in my former life and dating men, yes, I'd say that most men I'd met only wanted sex, and I couldn't seem to get dates with other guys (not pretty enough; I was just average). Forget it after the divorce and being middle-aged! So right there, it's nothing new. 

The complicating factor for you ladies is having the extra appendage you don't want. That brings out a different group of men that only want sex, and for different reasons. 

Good men are out there, but they are hard to find.  Mostly I've learned to avoid dating sites and just start being out there and meeting people.  I found my perfect man but for a variety of reasons we can't date, so friends it is.  I haven't lost hope that I will meet and marry my soulmate one day.  And you ladies shouldn't, either.


Jay

[Adam (birkin)]

I've never liked or dated men so I can't really comment from experience, but all I can say is, why bother "training" a guy? If he's a jerk just don't date him. People have to change on their own terms. I know I'd personally rather be single than try to change someone, and just wait until I met someone who was decent.

[BunnyBee]

People have a hard enough time changing when they actually want to.   Nobody's gonna change just because you want them to.

[Shantel]

People have a hard enough time changing when they actually want to.   Nobody's gonna change just because you want them to.

The idea of changing a man is one of the biggest glitches in the cis female brain!

[BunnyBee]

The idea of changing a man is one of the biggest glitches in the cis female brain!

I don't think women think they can change men, usually.  At least not the ones in my circles.  I think they get frustrated when a man doesn't do the right thing, then he thinks they are trying to change him.  Something is wrong, so it must be fixed, that is how men typically think (in my experience.)  He projects his way of thinking on her (she wants to fix me cuz I'm broken) but really she is just exasperated and venting.

This is not a frustrating thing about women.  It is a frustrating thing about men.

Imo!

[Shantel]

I don't think women think they can change men, usually.  At least not the ones in my circles.  I think they get frustrated when a man doesn't do the right thing, then he thinks they are trying to change him.  Something is wrong, so it must be fixed, that is how men typically think (in my experience.)  He projects his way of thinking on her (she wants to fix me cuz I'm broken) but really she is just exasperated and venting.

This is not a frustrating thing about women.  It is a frustrating thing about men.

Imo!

Well said, apparently I hadn't thought it through as well as you have Jen. Anyway it seems that 90+% of adult cis male behavior is learned and quite often even with a woman's incessant prompting they refuse to unlearn it, at least that's been my observation.