Pronouns and name change, when to do it?

[Caitlyn]

So as I'm beginning to come out of the closet to some of my friends I've begun to wonder when to ask them to use my preferred pronouns and my chosen name, Caitlyn. This has also got me wondering: if you've already come out, when did you ask people to start using your preferred name/pronouns? Immediately after coming out, even if you perhaps hadn't begun any type of therapy at the time? After beginning HRT, or maybe when you could pass?

I've only come as far as dressing femininely, and not even overtly so. I haven't started HRT or anything else. Heck, I've yet to start mastering the art of make-up lol

Despite all of that, there's a part of me that wants to ask them to start using "she" instead of "he", and "her" instead of "him." However, I'm also afraid of making it awkward for them.

Thoughts?

[LordKAT]

I legally changed my name first. I didn't really ask for pronouns but did thank those who got it right. It spread from there.

[Lauren5]

I'm not looking to do a legal name change until I go full time (probably the best time to do it, IMO,) but I'm trying to get people to change to my chosen name and preferred pronouns. With my friends, it's going well. They either decide to use them, or they stop being my friend because they don't believe in being able to change your gender. That's fine, I can do away with most of them. My parents though, I'm having a tough time. I'm not on HRT yet, but my parents forbid me from dressing femininely, and don't use my name or pronouns right. I really can't wait to go back to school.

[Tessa James]

My legal name change is official Jan 1, 2014 and I gave myself a year to ensure the name fit.  I came out FT a year ago and months before HRT.  Many people here are very concerned with being passable and that may affect your personal choice and comfort levels.  We have such unique paths to self acceptance and yours is all up to YOU.  If you are there now it may be hard for others to see it or know it.  Keep smiling!

I found many people who were accepting of my transition readily wanted to know my new name and started using it and the right pronouns.  Some got better at it faster than i did;-)

You are kind to consider that awkwardness for others.  I felt it only reasonable to not be overly PC and jump on every misgendering or mis naming event, especially when I first started.  I do not recommend waiting to transition as late as i for it meant decades of familiarity with people knowing me as a guy.  Good things take time and good people will work with you thru transition.  The others become like rain off a ducks back--just part of the pond

[Carrie Liz]

I'm personally waiting until I get gendered female naturally for the first time before I do it. (I kind of have a stigma about not wanting to make people do something that doesn't match what they're seeing.)

Problem is, it's been almost a year on HRT now, and it still hasn't happened, so I can't help but feel like my entire life is on hold right now, and it's really doing bad things to my self-confidence. Basically it feels like I'm sacrificing my own happiness just because I'm afraid of making other people uncomfortable. So I can't say that I recommend it.

[suzifrommd]

For me, it went with presentation. When I presented female, I expected people to use female pronouns. I thought it was too much to ask to use female pronouns for someone who looks so obviously male.

Of course for me, a wig makes the difference. If I looked female on my own, I might have approached this differently.

[KabitTarah]

I don't know about asking (or forcing) people to switch... it's too early for me, I know.

But it's increasingly grating to hear the wrong gender pronouns and other words. ("What are you boys up to," "we need a woman in here for ....," "hey, we're all guys here...," etc.) I hate it and want it to switch now... but shouldn't and can't. It's tough even hearing my name and I hardly ever write it. If I'm signing, I just use "T" - which is close enough to my original signature anyway.

I just cringe inside and let it pass.

I do a lot of cringing lately.