Sorry for poking my nose in, but I've been faced with this same accusatory conversation from the other side of the fence. Something I realised which applies to people equally, I think, is that a distinction has to be made about what constitutes 'being'.
I actually asked the person who I had the conversation with what aspects they considered lying. And what it was about me that they felt didn't qualify as me 'being' who I am. Their answer was predictable. Appearance and anatomy. I could see that coming a mile away. So, I posed the question of what beyond that led them to believe I wasn't being truthful about myself.
Their answer was somewhat surprising.
"What else is there?"
And that's when I realised the heart of the matter. What constitutes 'being'. See, for the person I was speaking to, being something involved nothing more than looking like what you were supposed to be. And that's it. I realised at that point that this person was inclined to feel that way because they never had to think beyond that. To actually reflect on what it is that constitutes actually being who you are. The way you feel about things, the way you perceive yourself, the way you comport yourself, your outlook on life and, in essence, your entire psychological makeup.
And in that, I realised that I had an entirely different definition of what it meant to be. It is not about how you look, it's about who you are, and what you do. It's about the impact you make on the world, the impact you make on the people around you, the way you perceive life, and the way you live it. That's what it means to be. For me, anyway.
I tend to think of it like a cake. For me, the physical and anatomical part is the icing. But the cake itself is made up of multiple layers - mixed, set and baked over time by self-reflection, discovery, understanding. Layer upon layer, providing a complex and complete flavour of a person. The icing is what most people see. What they judge you by. How pristine it is, how appealing it looks. But it's only a very thin skin over something entirely more wholesome.
The cake is most definitely not a lie. And when someone questions the truth of your existence - however far along you are in your transition - remember that no matter what the flavour of your icing, what lies beneath that is the substance of who you are.
...
Sorry, that was my long winded ramble for the day.
